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Fed up with friend

(15 Posts)
Ijustlovefood Sun 12-Nov-17 08:13:40

I have a friend whom I've known since school. She was a bridesmaid at my wedding. She is single and I am married with children. I moved away but not so far that we can't keep in touch. She never contacts me anymore. For the past couple of years she hasn't invited me out for her birthday despite other mutual friends going. I'm sure it's because I'm married with children which is what she ultimately wants. I get that we are at different life stages but I just feel it's a bit of a kick in the teeth. I haven't said anything to her. Am I best just to cut ties? Or remain a distant friend? I still send her birthday cards and her to me.

Ijustlovefood Sun 12-Nov-17 08:33:11


EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic Sun 12-Nov-17 08:42:23

Have you invited her out?

Ijustlovefood Sun 12-Nov-17 08:52:32

I've invited her to things (not nights out though) and she hasn't come. I guess I haven't cos she hasn't me.

Graceflorrick Sun 12-Nov-17 08:59:31

OP, ‘I'm sure it's because I'm married with children which is what she wants.’ Does she perhaps feel that you pity her or that she’s not achieved as much as you (in your eyes). That would definitely stop me bothering with a friend.

Branleuse Sun 12-Nov-17 09:02:10

Shes not that into you. It happens. It doesnt feel nice, but its part of life

chapthedoor Sun 12-Nov-17 09:02:16

This happened to me. My friend had split from her husband and single. I was/am married and at the time pregnant with my first child. She was always vocal about wanting to get married and have children, ever since we were at school. I supported her through the break up but she got more distant and basically didn’t bother with my baby or me for a few years. She is naturally a jealous and insecure person and I knew the reason she didn’t see me or DD was because she was too jealous. Then she met someone and was pregnant within months and wanting to meet up etc. I haven’t gone. It’s not real friendship to feel we can only be friends when she can compete with me.

Ijustlovefood Sun 12-Nov-17 09:02:28

Grace, I hope not

Cricrichan Sun 12-Nov-17 09:36:26

If you don't invite her on nights out, maybe she thinks that you're too busy with family to go out on a night out? Also, if you don't live locally anymore maybe you're just not on her radar when she's organising stuff.

Talk to her.

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic Sun 12-Nov-17 10:53:35

So you’re upset that you haven’t been invited on nights out but you never invite her along on your nights out? Seriously?

Ijustlovefood Sun 12-Nov-17 11:32:51

Everyone I don't really go on nights out anymore cos of having young kids and often go locally if I do. If she invited me out though I would go. My point is she invites other friends but not me. Just because I have kids it's still nice to be invited. I have messaged her and said it would be good to have a night out and she has said yes. I just get frustrated because it's usually me who makes the effort to contact her and not the other way round.

cherrycola2004 Sun 12-Nov-17 12:47:28

Does she assume you can’t come because of not being able to get childcare?

Has she invited you out and you’ve said you can’t come a few times so she’s stopped asking?

Have any of the mutual friends got kids ?

Ijustlovefood Sun 12-Nov-17 13:10:08

No none of mutual friends have kids. Who knows I guess I will just have to try and find out thank you

Intercom Sun 12-Nov-17 13:40:41

If you haven't told her about it, you haven't given her the chance to give her reasons and clear the air. It could just be a simple misunderstanding.

Cricrichan Sun 12-Nov-17 13:53:38

Say this:

I am so desperate for a night out. I never get invited because everyone assumes that I won't be able to go because if the kids etc

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