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Worried about my relationship

(11 Posts)
TrollopHop Sat 11-Nov-17 23:08:50

DH and I have been together 6 years and have one young DC. I do love him and I definitely feel attracted to him but I feel we have become over familiar and there is a lack of chemistry post-DC.

I feel very sad at the thought I will never have that "new relationship" excitement again and am struggling to get over it.

I fantasise about other men (celebrities, no one irl) and feel terrible about this. Our sex life is ok but has got quite samey and non-spontaneous.

Anyone else had this and got the spark back? I definitely still find him attractive so that isn't the issue

alsteff Sat 11-Nov-17 23:42:45

Hi, I'm not sure if you can go back really, that early-day sparkly stuff just feels like a collection of happy memories to me (5 yrs down the line). Relationships evolve though & you can end up with a much deeper connection I think. Intimacy usually improves our love lives but hey there's nothing wrong with spicing it up a bit. Do you have 'date' nights or wkds away on your own?

TammySwansonTwo Sun 12-Nov-17 12:57:24

Honestly, id never want to go back to being in new relationships. Sure there's excitement, there's also anxiety, over analysing, lack of security... What I have with my husband is so much better than that. If you honestly feel that the excitement of a new relationship is better than your marriage then I'd seriously be questioning the quality of your marriage. I'm really sorry you feel that way, it must be awful sad

fpurplea Sun 12-Nov-17 13:30:44

There's a reason it's called the seven year itch, honeymoon period, etc. We've evolved to produce hormones that create strong romantic attachments through the (biologically) dependant years of rearing a child. Your body becomes resistant to producing the hormones that cause that new relationship feeling after a while. Doesn't devalue your relationship, it's just moving into a different stage.

Focus on the what you get from your relationship, not what's missing, because what's missing is biologically only ever intended to be temporary anyway.

FWIW, I miss that feeling too. Love my husband to bits, but falling in love is pretty powerful emotional voodoo.

TrollopHop Sun 12-Nov-17 17:37:12

you honestly feel that the excitement of a new relationship is better than your marriage then I'd seriously be questioning the quality of your marriage.

It's not that so much, I'm just the kind of person for whom the grass is always greener. I do remember when I was single and "dating" I wished I was in a happy relationship.

TammySwansonTwo Mon 13-Nov-17 01:46:24

In that case, I'd really recommend doing some work on yourself, maybe getting some counselling, to figure out why you always wish you had whatever it is you don't have I guess. I mean this in the nicest possible way, as it must be miserable to feel this way. My DH is far from perfect but I wouldn't ever dream of swapping what we have for something new.

TheNaze73 Mon 13-Nov-17 08:02:19

I think that 6-12 month lust bubble is a great place to be however not sustainable. There are bits you can take from it though, that some couples let slip. Surprising each other, doing things off of the hoof & frequent & varied sex before complancy sets in & people become secure & settled and stop trying Can all be resurrected

TrollopHop Mon 13-Nov-17 09:38:47

tammy I think you are overestimating how strongly I feel, I am not thinking of leaving my DH for someone new smile

I do love him, I am attracted to him, I just very much struggle with missing that "new relationship" feeling which has quite understandably eased off after six years and one baby

We don't have much family support nearby which I think affects us as means we hardly ever get time to be just us rather than Mummy and Daddy iyswim

Also both of us are very very busy at work so in the evenings we tend to just want to loll about on the sofa which obviously is neither sexy nor romantic nor spontaneous

TammySwansonTwo Tue 14-Nov-17 13:39:07

Believe me I get it, we have twins and no family around, haven't had time to ourselves for over a year other than constantly interrupted TV viewing time! I still wouldn't swap it for anything though. Maybe I just don't like new relationships as much as other people do!

Pinkpillows Tue 14-Nov-17 14:02:16

You could make a date night at home, get some nice dinner a bottle of wine. Spice up your sex life buy sexy new underwear

Just because your at home doesn't mean you can't do anything but watch tv. If not pay for a babysitter and go out but try and turn off t.v. tablets phones and just spend time with each other

TalkinBoutWhat Tue 14-Nov-17 14:15:12

I think you need to find another way to get the adrenalin rush, and/or endorphins. Don't expect to get the 'rush' from your relationship. Instead get the love, support and strength from it.

So go and take up a sport, perhaps something a bit 'riskier' like rock climbing or a bit more competitive. The adrenalin surge with competitive sport can be pretty awesome.

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