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I've done the right thing so please give me a pat on the back!

(35 Posts)
Nothavingfunrightnow Sat 11-Nov-17 13:22:01

I met a seemingly lovely man online. He is so right for me in many ways. But the red flags started popping up (thank heavens for MN) - love bombing, manipulative, gas lighting ever so gently, completely in awe of me and so completely adoring, fast forwarding the relationship etc etc etc.

I called it off and he bombarded me with texts trying to convince me to give "us" a try because of how wonderful I am...and how he will never find someone like me again. I feel really blue this week and even lonely. So it sounded like a good idea to at least give it a go but I came to my senses and have now cancelled seeing him and have blocked him wherever I can.

Please remind me what a clever girl i am to have avoided that one! grin

NisekoWhistler Sat 11-Nov-17 13:23:13

Brave move, well done OP you definitely did the right thing

Nothavingfunrightnow Sat 11-Nov-17 13:23:46

Oh, and even more telling was the gnawing sensation in the pit of my stomach that something was not right. Thing is, I will never know if that feeling was right because I am too scared to hang around to find out. I felt madly anxious just being around him but I put it down to other things initially.

userxx Sat 11-Nov-17 13:25:17

You've totally done the right thing. Well done, you've probably just saved yourself a right load of hassle and drama. 👍

Aussiebean Sat 11-Nov-17 13:28:09

I think the universe will throw you lessons in order to teach you something. And it keeps throwing them at you until you do.

You have been taught that you are worthy of a lovely man who will respect your boundaries. You have also been taught that you can, should and will demand that from a partner.

That is a lesson that many don’t ever learn and you should be proud of yourself.

I also think that when I learnt that lesson, the universe rewarded me with my gorgeous dh. I wish the same for you.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 Sat 11-Nov-17 13:30:55

Well done you are so brave.

MozzchopsThirty Sat 11-Nov-17 13:32:39

Well done OP

I have done the same this week to a seemingly lovely but over invested man I had seen a few times

I also had that feeling in my stomach that it wasn’t right but I tried to ignore it.
The universe continued to slap me round the face until I listened

Feeling much lighter now smile

MrsExpo Sat 11-Nov-17 13:38:24

Definitely done the right thing so well done. Gut reactions should never be ignored. Move on and find someone who’s right for you.

Nothavingfunrightnow Sat 11-Nov-17 13:50:18

Thank you, everyone! I feel a bit sad and let down but I know that will go away

MozzchopsThirty, it's a weird feeling isn't it? Chucking away something that on the surface seems right, yet it makes your stomach churn with anxiety. I feel a bit sad, but also a little lighter (despite him telling me that his friend is thin because she exercises so much but I mustn't worry because he likes me the way i am - I am size 20).

Without meaning to be awfully twee, I have no doubt that MN taught me lots about relationships.

ZincOxideEugenol Sat 11-Nov-17 13:58:06

You’ve absolutely done the right thing, trust your gut instinct. I wish I’d been as brave as you. I ended up marrying the same type of man as you describe because he had me convinced that I would never find another person who would love me like he did. I ended up calling it a day on our marriage after 7 months. That was 6 months ago and he’s already found another ‘love of his life’
Don’t be fooled by his neediness, be strong!

Pinkpillows Sat 11-Nov-17 13:58:08

Lucky escape well done takes alot if strength to see the Bullshit underneath lovely words

Keep at it and you'll find someone right

Ohyesiam Sat 11-Nov-17 13:58:27

Fantastic work op.
And the best but is you've clearedthe way for a decent man, and you know you can trust your feelings.

OstentatiousWanking Sat 11-Nov-17 14:15:28

flowers You have absolutely done the right thing.

Hermonie2016 Sat 11-Nov-17 14:44:09

It's so easy to be drawn to someone who appears to adore us, it feeds the false narrative we grow up with of meeting the perfect man and "happy ever after."

The reality is however different, real adoration and love takes time to build, anything else is superficial.

Our gut instincts often can't be named so we learn to distrust them but they are rarely wrong.
On the universe stuff.I had a series of difficult life events after meeting ex.He was unsupportive mostly and now in reflection I believe I was being given opportunities to see how selfish he was..so now I embrace challenges in life as it teaches you who is in your corner and who you can rely on.
Our challenge often is to listen and act..which is what you have done.You have dodged a bullet and freed yourself to meet a worthy man.

Nothavingfunrightnow Thu 23-Nov-17 19:25:11

So much for my boasting about how strong I was. He hoovered and slurped me right up again. A letter sent to my home address - hand written like old fashioned love letters. I fell for it and now I have to extricate myself again.

I am a daft, stupid woman and you are all at liberty to agree with me.

Fuck fuck fuck

Aussiebean Thu 23-Nov-17 19:44:16

Mistakes happen. Question is, what you going to do now?

Nothavingfunrightnow Thu 23-Nov-17 20:11:38

We have planned to meet for drinks tomorrow night.

I am will tell him then that it is not happening and that he must leave me alone. I am contemplating calling him out on his lies, but I am scared I'll falter.

So in short, I am definitely getting the hell out of Dodge!

AdalindSchade Thu 23-Nov-17 20:13:38

Don't go to meet him!

pog100 Thu 23-Nov-17 20:16:10

Great but is it worth even meeting him?

Annelind Thu 23-Nov-17 20:16:35

NO ! NO! NO! alcohol and emotions.....you'll be sucked right back in, OP!

NisekoWhistler Thu 23-Nov-17 20:17:20

Please don’t meet him

Nothavingfunrightnow Thu 23-Nov-17 20:18:56

I have to drive after so will only have one.

Oh, fuck it! Help. Do I tell him on the phone? Text him then block?

I have met him probably 6 times and he has fucking got me hook, line and sinker.

Annelind Thu 23-Nov-17 20:24:54

Text and block. You owe him nothing - especially not your time. As is often said on here - you can walk away from a relationship any time, for any reason or none. Please don't see him again. Text and block. Throw away unread any further letters. Free yourself totally. Use the 'no contact' thread here for support. Too many red flags.

Biddylee Thu 23-Nov-17 20:33:40

I was seeing a guy at beginning of year - lots of great stuff but more red flags than red roses on Valentines day. So ditched him. He kept messaging to tell me he missed me. I eventually broke and got back with him for a few more months of the same. In many ways, I wish I'd stuck to my guns the first time around and not got back with him....

.... so what I'm trying to say is it's probably best if you cancel and block. You can say something nice and ask for no contact. A good man will respect that. Then block so temptation doesn't happen.

Nothavingfunrightnow Thu 23-Nov-17 20:34:07

Thank you, Annelind. He is in a meeting right now so won't get the text til after 9.

Text and block.

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