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Friends - how many do you have, really?(102 Posts)
I wonder how many really good friends most people have? What is your need for friends, or are you an introvert who struggles with too much interaction? How long have you known them and how did you become friends? I have moved constantly all my life and have found it difficult to maintain friendships. Also, I think I am naturally introverted and find as I get older I just can't be bothered trying to make new friends. I have been let down in the past by some friends who I trusted, it's made me wary.
I have 3. 2 of whom I met nearly 13 years ago when I started work on a ward. We all went out different paths but speak daily. And my 3rd friend I met in my current job. Known her nearly 4 years and she’s had my back , so to speak , many a time. She’s left for a new job , but yet again we speak daily and are going away next week together
Not as many as I'd like but I suspect that I'd struggle to cope with more than I have.
I have 5 old school friends who I only see every couple of months because life gets in the way. I have a couple of friends who I've met through our husbands. I can honestly say that the friendships are effortless. We don't speek or meet up regular but text and WhatsApp and would drop everything if one of them needed me and visa versa.
I totally understand your situation though and if I had your history would probably be the same.
I have 5 friends from school, one I have been friends with 31 years, the other 4 between 29-27 years. 2 friends from uni, so 22 years. Then since then 'friends' but not in the same way have come and gone. I have made a friend in the last year or so who is amazing and loyal to the max. A vital trait I feel. As I have got older I am far less tolerant of 'bad' friend behaviour! And have lost someone I thought was a good friend this year over their actions. I don't live close to my sister (extremely close relationship) or any of my oldest friends so day to day I have always been used to not having a big friend network. I've always been envious of people that have their 'best' friends close by. But you deal with it and get on with what you do have.
Last sentence there sounds far more harsh than I meant it to. Just meant don't dwell on what you think you should have. X
I have no friends, and I'm fine with that. People seem to like me once they get to know me, I'm introverted, so don't initially appear open to people, I believe, but could probably have many friends if I was willing to put the time in, but I'm not. I've been let down in the past by both friends and family so I have no interest in extending my circle. My partner and children are all I care about, they fulfil all my needs so I have no desire to look beyond that in terms of external relationships.
I did have 3
1 relationship fizzled out when I met my partner and we grew apart due to lack of mutual interests, she got tired of me never attending nights out and I got tired of listening to constant nights out. When I did attend nights out it would always be about alcohol clubs, guys and talking crap!
2nd relationship seemed like a cyber relationship could never meet up was never the rite time place or moment. Always texting and whatsapp but no face to face interaction after several let downs I kinda gave up
3rd lovely girl not so much in certain settings so really found myself avoiding certain settings with her. Friendship kind of run it's coarse
TBH I'm quit happy just doing me I enjoy my own company and enjoy doing things alone. My partner is like my best friend now so I can always count on him
I have none, I have the people who I work with who are lovely, if I ceased to work there we wouldn't keep in touch. I've never had friends.
I like people but only in work. My home is my bubble and that works for me.
I'm an introvert who works at home so chances of making friends are pretty slim! I have a couple of people I used to chat to on the way to school but now my DCs are all at secondary school I don't really see anyone! I have a couple of Uni friends who I see maybe twice a year, 3 friends I met on here and subsequently met up in real life with, ditto, maybe once or twice a year.
My DP says I don't need friends as I have him, but it makes me sad when I see people having parties and going to Center Parcs or girly nights out with a group of friends. I probably wouldn't want to go, but I'd like to be invited
As a good friend who would I count? One really close friend. Sometimes we don't speak to the other except for a quick fired off message in two months, other times we see each other every week for months. One of those ones we just pick up where we left off.
I have other friends that are probably more like acquaintances. We meet up the odd time but I wouldn't trust them like I do my close friend.
I'm an introvert though so that doesn't bother me the majority of the time. I do get lonely sometimes and have to avoid the likes of fb with the people and their million of friends to go out with every weekend and making me feel like a loser.
I feel like I'm more giving than people I know. I would make or buy a gift for someone going through a tough time, would make time for them and send them thoughtful messages, even if we haven't been 'best mates'. I don't feel like anyone treats me that way, it's like they all have their close friendship group already and they are touched by my gestures but it doesn't really draw me into their inner circle.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
I have 3 friends but I struggle to stay in touch with them due to family stuff and time.One of those friendships is very strained because she has a lot of friends now and spends very little time with any one person.
I spend most of my time with dh and my dcs.i don’t get how people can have so many friends I can only think they more time on their hands.
I’m lucky I have at least ten.
However I don’t see them that often. But crikey I’ve needed them.
I have never had a reliable husband and been a single parent much of the time.
4 really close friends who I can talk to about anything and would always be there for each other. Then I have a wider circle of friends who I see socially for meals and drinks, etc.
Friends are really important to me.
Dh. My sisters and my brother and their partners. My mum. That's it. Though I do have facebook friends and when I had an issue recently some of them got in touch with me via messenger and offered help, solutions and contacts. I was pleasantly surprised.
I have 5. 3 from school and 2 from uni. But they all live far away from me so I only see them a handful of times a year. They're individual friends rather than groups of friends though if you see what I mean - my two friends from uni don't know each other and while my school friends obviously know of each other, they don't keep in touch themselves.
Sometimes I think wistfully that it would be nice to be part of a close group of friends but in reality I'd probably find that quite annoying as I'm a complete introvert and I can't really be doing with people most of the time! I often think that I don't actually deserve the friends I do have as I'm so bad at keeping in touch.
4 friends, who I could honestly pick up the phone in a time of need and they’d be there and obvs I’d be there for them
I would say I have a wide and varied friendship network, but because having something that is apart from my family and work responsibilities is hugely important to me. I don't see them a lot, but I make an effort to see them a few times a year and we speak regularly in between. Some I've met through my children and that's important because they understand my priorities, and some are old friends, some of whom don't have children and may never have children, that's also important to me because I'm not just mum, I'm still me.
I put a lot of effort into my friendships, my friends know I'm there for them, but they also understand that my children are and always will be my first priority.
I don't think motherhood particularly affects how important friendship is to you, but it definitely affects who you're friends with. I lost a lot of friends when I became a mum, but I made new friends who get where I am now.
I have 2, one from school and one from party / student / Saturday job days.
Sometimes I think I need more but then I realise how much maintenance it can be to keep friends.
I have been classified as an intro extrovert on those personality test things. I don’t even know what that means. I also don’t know how accurate they are. But I’m not shy just self conscious about some things, and I like the familiarity of these two friends a lot.
There used to be some kind of grisly test on the Internet:
"If you wake up in a strange hotel room with a dead body lying next to you, who do you call?"
There is only one person I could call and it's someone I only see twice a year.
My DH and my three DDs. That is it usually.
I am an introvert, and not particularly sociable. A bit of an island really and happy that way.
2 but find it hard to meet up as I've got 4 young kids, three of which are under 5 so I never have time. I have other people I'd just class as acquaintances too, but not friends. I have always found it hard to maintain friendships with people but I think it's down to the fact I just can't be bothered with people sometimes and like my own company and it's a lot of maintenance. My partner is my real best friend though and only one I trust 100%.
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