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Splitting up

(3 Posts)
Elsielouise1 Fri 10-Nov-17 21:40:36

For at least 6 years I have been wanting to leave my husband . Over the course of time I've fallen out of love with him and it's got to the point where we argue all the time and I can't stand being around him . He shows me no affection only when he wants one thing . He doesn't talk to me nicely and 9 times out of 10 when I ask him to do something I'm met with him Being snappy and abrupt . I can't rely on him to do anything without me asking him s million times . He is messy and has no respect for the fact I work full time and I run around doing everything . He leaves everything he uses out and when I ask him
To put things away he ignores me or reluctantly puts things away and causes arguments .

I think manipulates the money we earn . He is allowed to buy what he wants ( he is the main bread winner ) never asks me just goes ahead and orders what he wants . He isn't frivolous and doesn't buy all the time but when it comes to me buying things he scrutinises everything . " what the f did you buy that for ?" " you haven't a clue about money " " you don't get it / understand " are some of the comments he uses to me. I am on the minimum wage and below and so two jobs . I look after children i
At home and I work a few hours every day at the local school . I work all I can to earn money . All my money ( minimum wage ) goes on food , clothes, petrol and anything else we might need ( school dinners , school trips etc ) He gives me £200 per month from his wages and pays the mortgage and bills . The rest he saves . It gets to the point where I am asking for money every month and he will give it but not until I have given a blow by blow account of what I want the money for . He doesn't enjoy xmas as it costs too much where as I love it and everything it entails.
We have arguments every year over what we are buying and the last two Christmas I haven't asked does any money from him to pay for it , I have worked extra hours to cover it because I know if I don't I will get an ear full and him moaning about what a waste of time Christmas is . We never go out and when we do it will be me that books and arranges it . I feel totally taken for granted and unloved and as a result I don't want to be with this person anymore . We often sleep in spectate beds and recently I go upstairs and watch tv in the evenings .

I'm not sure what to do . I have spoken to him about splitting up a few years ago but he told me he is not going anywhere and so things have continued and got worse and worse . My son shows me no respect in the way he talks to me as I'm sure he sees his dad being rude to me and he copies him .

When my husbands not here it all ticks along nicely there are ups and downs With the children but generally it's quite calm . My husband is forever calling my eldest lazy( I agree ) he's negative about his football and he is always having a pop at him . I tell him he is. lazy as he is tired as he does a lot of sport and with school he is tired . My son is only 9 . My husband comes in at 630 pm each night, so he comes in at a time when we have all had dinner and getting ready to chill before the evening .

I have tried over the years being intimate , booking weekends away , spicing things up by dressing up for him . The night I did this I walked downstairs feeling a million dollars when I walked in the lounge he told me he could not find the remote to pause the Tv and started fumbling around trying to find it and totally deflected from what I was trying to do . So I never bothered with that again.

I am so unhappy and I've told him but he ignores me . He tells me he loves me but I don't feel the same way .

What can I do and how to I leave him and what's best for the children . Can anyone help xxxx

pallasathena Fri 10-Nov-17 22:44:19

You have to make some practical choices like organising a rental/mortgage for you and the children or going to a solicitor and beginning divorce proceedings with an insistence on maintaining your current home as the primary residency for you and the children.
It begins by making these practical moves which includes separating the finances, getting together all your legal documents, explaining to the children what is happening and why and making sure that they don't feel guilty about it...really important this one as kids often feel its their fault when parents separate.
Its a hard road to begin with but once you've organised yourself and actually made the move practically, life does become easier. Much, much easier and calmer. A lot more calm...

Hermonie2016 Fri 10-Nov-17 22:59:40

It sounds awful.I feel for you son.

Do you know his salary? You can separate and as previous poster says, see a solicitor as a starting point.Try to get financial information such as mortgage remaining.

Also I would recommend speaking with women's aid as it sounds like financial abuse.You should have equal access to finances.
Seeing a solicitor will start to make this real and possible.Its nor easy to end a marriage as there are fears of going it alone but life as a single mum can be so much more enjoyable.

Look up tax credits and if you know his salary cms calculation.That will be the minimum but if he's a reasonable earner you could be awarded more.

He sounds like an utterly selfish man who only really cares for himself.

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