This might get long...
DO and I together for 4 years, met his friends a few times early on and we didn't get on straight from the bat. They were unhappy that their "boy" was in a relationship and not out every weekend anymore.
Pretty much hardly saw them after the first few months, he went out with them more often than I would have liked but I never saw them.
Various issues over the years... they've all been friends since school and DP is too afraid to stand up to them or say no to things. He will lie and say he has to work rather than just say he doesn't want to go and get pissed that weekend because they will also him off and call him a kissy, under the thumb, putting me over them etc etc
They encourage him to make bad choices. I know he is an adult with his own mind but he seems so constantly desperate for their approval that he just goes along with things. Pathetic really. In the past this has included drugs (before I came along), encouraging him to crash at their place rather than come home to me (they know how much I hate him not coming home), inviting him places when they know we have something on and slagging him off when he says he can't etc etc etc
They are vile towards women. Having seen their "lads group chat"... some of the things they say are just disgusting.
I hate them. I feel like DP has 2 personalities, the one he is with me who is cute and sweet and funny (and lazy!!!! - definitely not perfect by any stretch) and some dumb little sheep who laughs along with them.
Fast forward to now ... we broke up a few months ago. I moved out. Later found out they encouraged him too because they thought I wouldn't let him go on a lads holiday (honestly I would have not been happy about him going away with them yo magaluf anyway)
We continued to see each other, but he hasn't told them... turns off his location on Snapchat when hes at mine so they can't see, says he's at his mum's when they ask why he isn't going out etc... purely because they are going to be angry with him for spending time with me over them.
All they want to do is get drunk, every weekend and I know DP doesn't enjoy it (compared to what he used too several years ago) but goes anyway so they don't start their shit.
It can never ever work with them in the picture. If he wanted to propose (not staying he would or does) ... he wouldn't because he woukd never hear the end of it. One of the more sensible friends has just had a baby and they've been nothing but awful about it... complaining that he won't come out whilst his girlfriend is due to give birth in 3 weeks etc....
I don't know why I'm posting. I know the answer I guess. I love him, and wish that he had decent, grown up, mature friends who encouraged him to grow as a person instead of acting like an 18 years old at nearly 30.
He wanted to join the armed forces a while back and when he told them they shagged him off that too so he didn't apply in the end, so they are holding him back.
I do know that the problem is him not having the balls to stand up to them and tell them to fuck off but it's like he's scared of them or something.
Sigh.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Can it ever work when you despise his friends?
Pombliboo123 · 09/11/2017 19:39
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