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Trying to leave... again.

(88 Posts)
Lovelilies Thu 09-Nov-17 18:21:22

My DD disclosed physical and emotional abuse by my (ex)P to her clinical psychologist and when I met with him today he said he's going to report it to safeguarding. I'm actually relieved it's out of my hands as it were, but also terrified about what will happen next. As far as he knows, we are back together and trying to plan a future.

Rainbowqueeen Thu 09-Nov-17 18:28:13

flowers. You need to let the safeguarding people know how terrified of him you are so they can help you deal with that.

It must be a really hard time but you need to protect your DD. Sending you strength

TammySwansonTwo Thu 09-Nov-17 18:31:13

I'm so sorry. ive been in your daughters position although my parents were long since divorced.

Don't worry about his feelings - they don't matter one bit. Worry about the safety of you and your daughter. Do you have somewhere to go?

Lovelilies Thu 09-Nov-17 18:47:05

We already live separately from the last time we split up. I don't k ow what's going to happen next. Will they contact me? Or him? Do I tell him is over (again) or pretend it's all ok until the shit hits the fan?
He's supposed to be looking after our 2 youngest DC this weekend while I work.

picklemepopcorn Thu 09-Nov-17 19:12:54

You need to make it clear that you want nothing to do with him, but need help. Don’t tell him if you are afraid, but make sure the authorities know.

Lovelilies Thu 09-Nov-17 19:37:50

I daren't tell him. We're supposed to be going on holiday in a few weeks, and to a concert next week . I know these are trivial things but I can't face telling him. It's easier to go along with the façade of a perfect family than to face the music. I'm worried about what will happen to the youngest DC, he'll use them to get to me. He's so manipulative everyone will believe him. And the fact I've kept going back will show what a useless mum I am.
Sorry for the pity party. I'll find the strength from somewhere.

picklemepopcorn Thu 09-Nov-17 20:30:28

You aren’t useless, you are us8ng survival techniques. The thing is, you may need a different set now, the way to handle it is to be honest with the SS team, and women's aid. Have you been to them yet? They can help you work out a plan. You are right to be cautious, just be careful not to look as though you are defending h8m to anyone.

Lovelilies Thu 09-Nov-17 20:55:22

I have been in contact with the local DA service in the sat but the agency has changed and moved premises so I don't know where to find them.
Should I contact SS myself, or wait for them? I have no idea what's going to happen and I feel like running away/ hiding under my duvet until it all goes away only half joking

Lovelilies Fri 10-Nov-17 07:11:37

Does anyone have any experience of this?

picklemepopcorn Fri 10-Nov-17 07:15:59

I’m not sure, apart from googling (and then clearing your history) how to find your local support networks. There may be a national number, I’ll go and see.

picklemepopcorn Fri 10-Nov-17 07:17:24

tel:0808 2000 247

This is a 24 hr number. Explain your situation, ask them what to do.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 10-Nov-17 13:20:31

You need to end it.
SS will be involved and if you aren't seen to be protecting your DC from him they will take measures to remove them from your care.
It's either him or your DC and that choice is yours.
You CANNOT keep trying to pacify him.
He will make you lose your children.
Contact SS yourself so it looks as though you are being pro-active and they can help you.
As PP said also call Womens Aid.
They are busy but keep trying.
You cannot be with this vile creature.
You HAVE to protect your children!

Lovelilies Fri 10-Nov-17 20:23:48

I'm at his house now waiting for him to get back. We'll have 'the talk', but I'm shitting myself. I think he will be devastated. This is so hard, he's 90% decent, but the 10% overrules it doesn't it?

Lovelilies Fri 10-Nov-17 20:24:07

If anyone's there for a hand hold I'd be grateful

Aspieparent Fri 10-Nov-17 20:27:00

Not got no advice unfortunately but here to hold your hand flowers

Lovelilies Fri 10-Nov-17 20:30:13

Thank you Aspie. DD has Asperger's (which is why we were at the clinical psych). It kind of makes it worse how he treats her doesn't it?

Lovelilies Fri 10-Nov-17 20:31:21

I feel sick

Aspieparent Fri 10-Nov-17 20:31:50

It definately does make it worse. She needs love and support not abuse. Really hope you manage to keep the courage to walk away from him it's the very best thing to do.

Coffeeonadrip Fri 10-Nov-17 20:32:03

Honding your hand too flowers

Lovelilies Fri 10-Nov-17 20:34:50

The 2 little ones are asleep upstairs. He's got them this weekend. Am I doing the right thing? I'm so messed up I don't know what's right or wrong any more. I told a friend today and she said I should try and do some damage limitation and that it's all very serious now the authorities are involved and I'm going to ruin his career/ get his kids taken away. Sorry for rambling

Aspieparent Fri 10-Nov-17 20:40:12

Don't think about him. He shouldn't have done what he's done. He deserves to lose things due to his actions.
You are doing the right thing. The only thing is it might not be a good idea to leave the 2 youngest with him

Lovelilies Fri 10-Nov-17 20:43:44

That's what I'm wondering. He'll be back soon. I'm wondering whether to leave it til after the weekend to speak with him or say it now and see how he reacts?

Lovelilies Fri 10-Nov-17 20:44:13

Shit. I think maybe wait? Help!

Aspieparent Fri 10-Nov-17 20:45:52

I think the longer you leave it the harder it's going to be.

Lovelilies Fri 10-Nov-17 20:47:21

I'll do it on Sunday when I pick them up. I couldn't forgive myself if he did anything silly whilst in charge of the DC.

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