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Think I've made everything way worse

(22 Posts)
StormTreader Thu 09-Nov-17 17:24:21

So, I posted a while ago about being dumped and being heartbroken.
Last night was a gig Ive had tickets to since March, and decided I wanted to go even though I knew the ex and his girlfriend would be there.
I went with the full expectation that not being able to interact with them may exclude me from interacting with anyone, but I was ready to stand aside and maybe say a few small hellos to individuals as and when. I had someone with me in case I needed to nope out quickly when I saw him. It turned out that the other people in the group all came up to me, big hugs, how are you doing, come stand with us.
The ex wasnt there until late but his girlfriend was, the girl who actually introduced me to him and everyone 3 years ago - I didnt go up to her, she didnt come up to me, I thought she understood why it was awkward and hard for me to be around her because of the whole "he picked you and not me" thing.

This morning, I get a rage text how shes done nothing to me, im rude and ignorant, im not to tag along to events with her friends and blank her, I wouldnt even know any of them if it wasnt for her, shes not someone to be thrown away. Had she come up to me then I would have been polite, but she didnt, I dont even know where she was for most of it, somewhere behind me I assume (I was at the front to avoid seeing who walked in as he was due any time).

What im left with is a deep worry - I was trying to protect myself from seeing him and from being nasty/snarky to her when actually she HAS done nothing wrong - was it wrong of me to not go up to her to say hi? Shes the only one in the group who hadnt messaged me to check I was ok since the breakup but shes on "his side", I get that.

fantasmasgoria1 Thu 09-Nov-17 17:57:37

Probably not helpful but if it were me I would tell him to do one! I would not have gone up to her either!

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad Thu 09-Nov-17 18:03:15

Ignore the text. You've done nothing wrong - why on earth would you want to speak to her when she's gone off with your ex and you were heartbroken.

Just feel heartened that your mutual friends showed such solidarity with you. Hold your head up high and stop worrying and don't reply to the text. The whole thing will blow over in a day or so.

AlternativeTentacle Thu 09-Nov-17 18:05:59

What has it got to do with her where you go and don't go? none of her business.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom Thu 09-Nov-17 18:13:06

I'd simply text back, fuck off. Then block his number. Where you go & who you see & speak to has nothing to do with either of them.

niknac1 Thu 09-Nov-17 18:15:53

Was it your ex or friend who texted?

TooDamnSarky Thu 09-Nov-17 18:17:55

Block and ignore

Iamok0303 Thu 09-Nov-17 18:27:13

Whatever you do in your free time has nothing, NOTHING, ever, to do with either of them. Why are you excusing your existence? Claim your space, hold that head up high and stop apologising. And if you reply to his sorry message, make sure it’s with you and only you in mind, meaning YOU don’t own him an apology for anything. Tell him the toys he threw out of his pram can be claimed at the reception of the venue and his bib too. Hugs

SandyY2K Thu 09-Nov-17 18:28:43

I'd ignore and block her. She's crazy. Tough shite. Don't waste time thinking about her. Nothing hurts more than being ignored.

She shouldn't have got into a relationship with your Ex.

StormTreader Fri 10-Nov-17 11:00:21

Sorry, it was her who texted. He isnt the type to do big rage, he lets everyone sort themselves out.

Swizzlesticks23 Fri 10-Nov-17 11:03:07

Why didn't she say anything to you last night then today texts you.

How embarrassing.

I would just ignore her.

Or reply saying F off

I'd probably go with F off personally.

Myheartbelongsto Fri 10-Nov-17 11:08:53

I'd ignore to be honest.

StormTreader Fri 10-Nov-17 11:11:08

I replied saying that I didnt know where we stood, and I kept some space between us as I didnt want to end up being snarky to her when she hadnt done anything to deserve it, and that maybe that was the wrong choice. I got a reply of "exactly, I dont deserve being nasty to or talked about or belittled, go and be passive aggressive away from me, goodbye" and then blocked and defriended on Facebook. I replied that I hadnt intended that and was sorry if she felt thats what happened, no idea if that message got through.

She got dumped by her boyfriend about a year ago and ended up in her room awake all night crying when she saw him at events, I really thought she'd understand that seeing her right now just reminds me that he isnt with me any more, I just dont understand the fury.
I really hoped that in time Id be able to be back to being "in" the group again and going to the events with them like I have been,, now it seems like Ill never be able to again just because I didnt make myself go through the pain with a fake smile on my face.

niknac1 Fri 10-Nov-17 11:25:44

I think you explained your position and hopefully she will calm down. You can do no more and she is over reacting so try to ride it out. I would try not to get angry as you want to stay in this social group and further antagonism will not help you, or that’s what I would recommend. Nothing to feel apologetic about now, time will hopefully smooth it out. Good luck.

Tippytappytoes Fri 10-Nov-17 12:16:37

sorry I haven't read you previous thread. So she was your friend, who introduced you to your now ex, and now they are dating after he dumped you? And now she's gone on the attack because you didn't say hello, and even when you took the time to explain your position (which I wouldn't have bothered to do btw), it's still all about her.

I think she's probably done you a favour really.

Barbaro Fri 10-Nov-17 15:00:05

She sounds mad and a bit insecure about her relationship with him and her friends. Let her get on with it, she's nuts.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Fri 10-Nov-17 15:24:41

I think you handled yourself with dignity and grace. But she sounds like a raving psychobitch! So I really wouldn't worry about it! flowers

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Fri 10-Nov-17 15:25:22

PS: Sounds like the rest of the 'group' were happy you were there, so hang out with them. grin

StormTreader Fri 10-Nov-17 16:08:33

The rest of the group genuinely astonished me with their understanding and compassion, I'm seeing a few of them for dinner soon smile
I just wish it didnt all have to be on such a one-to-one basis now, I feel almost like our friendship has moved onto a more hidden "dirty little secret" basis :/

RainyApril Fri 10-Nov-17 16:24:09

Anyone who sends a text like that thrives on drama. It's a shame you fuelled it by replying, but it's done now. In light of her last message I don't think I'd be able to help myself from showing her angry texts to your mutual friends next time you see them, probably whilst laughing about what a high opinion some people have of themselves.

GottadoitGottadoit Fri 10-Nov-17 16:37:47

You apologised too much, but apart from that have dove nothing wrong.

StormTreader Fri 10-Nov-17 16:53:07

I do wish I hadnt replied so soon at least, I see now that maybe a gap of a good few hours may have let her cool down and be more open to another interpretation, or maybe not.
I was just so shocked and upset that she took it as a personal snub, I suddenly saw how it could have seemed that way and I wanted to explain that my intention was not to insult her but to protect myself. Ive always been an outsider and wanting to be included and liked (thanks, 10 years of vicious school bullying) and this was something of a trial run of "my feelings matter too". Unfortunately, this also means that I am not coping with her furious backlash and rejection, at all.

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