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Neighbours and sex embarrassment

(81 Posts)
Saz432 Thu 09-Nov-17 09:21:49

DH are going through a particularly active sex period at the moment (making up for lost time after babies I guess). It tends to go on quite a while (not just sex obviously, hours of that would get a bit boring).

We moved into our terraced house a few months ago and have a nice couple about our age living on one side of us. He even cut our hedge for us when we first moved in while he was doing his own, really nice people.

Anyway, so I'm not a screamer or anything but I'm not silent either. Our bed is against the shared wall with them. I didn't think it would be too bad as we haven't really heard them much so figured the sound proofing was pretty good. Two nights ago we were at it from about 9pm to 1am on and off (I know, really should get more sleep!).

Then last night we went to bed and they were clearly having a dinner party or something (so obviously downstairs) and we could hear them SO clearly. Then they went to bed and we heard them having very quiet brief sex (you could tell it was quiet but we heard it anyway).

I am mortified. They must have heard so much stuff in the last few weeks, which I'm now obviously replaying in my mind and cringeing. Oh god.

How am I ever going to look these people in the eye again? How am I ever going to have sex again? I somehow need to find a way to move the bed away from that wall.

So much shame. Any tips? Do I send them a bottle of wine and an apology?! Pretend it didn't happen? There's literally no way they haven't heard us on many occasions.

BibbidiBobbidi Thu 09-Nov-17 09:29:39


Pretend you didn’t hear them. That’s obviously what they’ve been doing to you for weeks!!

Just move on from it and be mindful in future that they can hear you.

LaurieFairyCake Thu 09-Nov-17 09:31:26

You will both be pretending you can’t hear each other

Justbookedasummmerholiday Thu 09-Nov-17 09:32:02

Maybe offer to follow the same sex schedule then you won't hear each other as you will be busy??
And will make dh last even longer in the quest for being the biggest stud in the village!!

Saz432 Thu 09-Nov-17 09:32:22

I'm just going to have to get a gag and a bag for my head or something (gag for sex, bag for when I have to leave the house and may run into them grin )

Oh how bloody embarrassing.

Saz432 Thu 09-Nov-17 09:33:50

Definitely don't have to worry about making him last longer - it goes on plenty long enough already grin

Saz432 Thu 09-Nov-17 09:39:10

Currently googling "which beds are least squeaky".

Oh god. They probably think we are proper selfish bastards.

BibbidiBobbidi Thu 09-Nov-17 09:41:43

I’m sure they don’t!
Could it be the squeaky bed that’s the problem or the banging headboard...

Swizzlesticks23 Thu 09-Nov-17 09:45:49

Sorry but why did you think they couldn't hear you in the first place ?

9-1am !I would put my foot through your wall and tell you to stfu. It's not fair to be making excessive noise between that time!

Move the bed away from the wall!

I hope your children can't hear you. Cringe

mustbemad17 Thu 09-Nov-17 09:46:14

😂😂 we had this. I used to have a neighbour who was deaf as a door post, so never had to worry. He was single so never heard him up to anything.
A new lady has moved in & a few weeks after we were woken up by their hanky was really loud 🙈 Turns out our beds are literally in the same place on the wall. I was absolutely mortified at the realisation it meant they could hear us 😂

We laugh about it now & have just come to the agreement that we won't mention it - unless it gets out of hand then the wall knocking is permitted!

questionbasket Thu 09-Nov-17 09:48:11

So you heard them having sex and now you feel mortified? They might feel the same going by the same logic.
If you apologise, you will never live it down. That would be cringey.
Everyone has sex.

Saz432 Thu 09-Nov-17 09:56:30

I thought they couldn't hear us as we've been here months months and I've never heard a noise from that side, not one. Downstairs we wouldn't really as our hallways are next to each other but haven't heard any sounds coming from their kitchen, bathroom or bedroom, all of which are joined. Turns out they're just very quiet I guess!

I wasn't making excessive noise - it's not like I was screaming for four hours non stop or anything. I was making some noise though, probably more than they did.

My kids are very young, and on the rare occasions they sleep, they sleep like logs. So they're not hearing anything.

Will definitely try moving the bed to somewhere else (middle of the room perhaps?!). Fortunately we don't have a headboard at the moment and need a new bed anyway, so will try to buy something non-squeaky!

LittleWitch Thu 09-Nov-17 09:58:34

Our previous neighbours used to have loud sex at 10.30pm every single night. Every.Single.Night. It was horrendous and made me anxious eventually, feeling on edge waiting for them to start (and finish). You might want to think about that.

IHeartDodo Thu 09-Nov-17 10:01:21

If your bed is wooden and squeaky, take it apart and put felt in all the joints, then put it back together again!

Justbookedasummmerholiday Thu 09-Nov-17 10:02:19

Can you add a dungeon to your house?? grin

MrsXx4 Thu 09-Nov-17 10:03:51

I've had this embarrassment, I get on well with my neighbour, a single woman in her 50's. Me and DH are early 30's. She invited me over for a cup of tea one afternoon when I was off work and her mum was also there. Me and DH were going through a tough time and kept arguing and I said that I hoped she hadn't heard us she said 'well, the walls are thin and I can hear a lot but don't worry, you aren't the first couple to ever have an can hear that you always make up at bed time'

I died! her and her mum just staring at me waiting for a reaction. I carried on dying until I could do the walk of shame back to my house!

SchnitzelVonKrumm Thu 09-Nov-17 10:03:52

Perhaps you’ve put them off sex? grin

Saz432 Thu 09-Nov-17 10:13:01

Oh my god MrsX, I would DIE

Well clearly we haven't put them off sex since we just heard them having it - maybe they were inspired (kidding).

The bed is actually a divan - it doesn't squeak all the time, just occasionally.

I definitely don't want anyone to feel anxious. I'll just make sure we do it earlier so likely before their bed time, given they have no kids, and do my best to keep it down.

I'm not an exhibitionist or doing it deliberately, hence my feeling mortified!

BaronessEllaSaturday Thu 09-Nov-17 10:13:30

move your bed off that wall and put wardrobes all along it. Of course you'll need lots of new clothes to fill them and help with the sound insulation but it works surprisingly well

wornoutboots Thu 09-Nov-17 10:24:30

I once had a neighbour apologise to my husband and me for the noise her vibrator had made when it was left on in the wardrobe against the wall... we let her continue until she was bright red then said "actually, there's a wardrobe there. We didn't hear anything" and advised her where there was a sale on good quality batteries!

moonmaker Thu 09-Nov-17 10:41:04

How on earth are you managing to hear quiet brief sex from next door ?

Saz432 Thu 09-Nov-17 10:45:38

Moonnaker - we had just turned the TV and weren't going to sleep. It's not like we were listening on purpose!

Saz432 Thu 09-Nov-17 10:46:42

Really need to figure out a room layout - it's basically a choice between neighbours one side, neighbours the other side or the kids bedroom. No great options there really!

Anotherdayanotherdollar Thu 09-Nov-17 10:49:49

mrsXx4 that's awful!!! How quickly could you leave?? blush

LadyMuddle Thu 09-Nov-17 11:01:18

I think you'll have to keep it up now (fnar) because if you stop then they'll know you heard them and be paranoid about their brief, quiet sex!

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