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Ami being pathetic?

(13 Posts)
youokayhun Thu 09-Nov-17 02:19:15

My parter (still married to his ex - no issye here) well tonight in public conversation it came up he's been engaged before, I feel ridiculous for caring but I'm hurt and feel like an idiot for not knowing. How would you feel? Am I a twat? sad

CaledonianQueen Thu 09-Nov-17 04:52:16

Do you have a policy to disclose all of your previous partners?
I'm struggling with your issue here, are you jealous of his past? He was obviously engaged to his wife before he married her (I do hope you mean married and separated as that is very much an issue if his wife doesn't know!)! Are we talking an engagement prior to his marriage or since he has separated? If he was married a long time, he likely didn't think to mention it, after fifteen years the names and details of previous partners are a blur! Does it really matter? Unless he has deliberately deceived you its just his past, its of no relevance or threat to the present or your relationship!

CaledonianQueen Thu 09-Nov-17 04:56:03

I would be shocked if my dh suddenly declared a previous engagement now after all these years. Have you been together long? Was he being disrespectful in talking about his ex in front of you? If he was discussing and reminiscing with others whilst out with me I might be hurt, we all have a past, but we don't necessarily want to think about our partners with their exes!

TheNaze73 Thu 09-Nov-17 07:32:25

Engagements mean the square root of fuck all, in the grand scheme of things. Don’t dwell on what you can’t influence, just worry about the now

category12 Thu 09-Nov-17 07:37:37

He's the happy to make declarations of commitment type?

Ijustlovefood Thu 09-Nov-17 07:43:37

Engaged to his wife?

usersos Thu 09-Nov-17 07:48:57

How long have you been together?

Myheartbelongsto Thu 09-Nov-17 09:23:33

I've been engaged three times married once. It means nothing!

I honestly wouldn't let this take up head space.

MadMags Thu 09-Nov-17 09:24:16

He should have told you, I think.

Saz432 Thu 09-Nov-17 10:09:08

I'd be really annoyed by this, this is the sort of thing you should tell your partner. My now DH and I had a big falling out when we'd been together a year or so and he admitted he'd had sex with one of our friends before we were together - I had no idea and felt like an idiot as I'm sure everyone else knew. I got over it eventually but I was pretty pissed off for quite a while about that.

He should definitely have told you - how long have you been together though? How serious is it if he's still married?

hellsbellsmelons Thu 09-Nov-17 10:14:14

This would not bother me at all.
Engagements mean sweet FA these days.

Ilovelampandchair Thu 09-Nov-17 10:16:11

I'd be gutted but my DH is the sort to not say I love you for years. I'm the only one he ever said it to and he was 34 at the time😂 So an engagement would have meant some very very serious love from him for someone.

mindutopia Thu 09-Nov-17 14:20:53

How serious is your relationship? If this is someone you've only been dating a few months and you haven't discussed in depth your past relationships, I wouldn't necessarily see it as too big of a deal. Though it was awkward to bring it up in public before ever having had a serious conversation with you about past relationships. If you've been together years, then yes, it's a bigger deal. I'm assuming you haven't though if he's still married to someone else. I think it really depends on the nature of your relationship and how serious you are and how open you both have been in talking about the past at this point.

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