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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Partner has kicked me

(54 Posts)
BringMeSunshinePlease Wed 08-Nov-17 18:12:40

DP and I have a fairly volatile relationship. I love him and can't stay angry for long but we do row a lot.

I'm sorry this post may be a bit vague or bitty, not intentional but my head is all over the place at the moment.

He has two children and I don't find the step relationship very easy. I have mild mental health issues and I'm trying to work through without drugs.

He lost his temper during a row about the eldest child. He kicked me as I was walking away, full pelt on my hip. He's a big, strong man and it really hurt. He then went crazy, yelling and ranting.

I'm so confused and hurt. I don't have a clue what to do. I cannot move out of our home as my finances are tied up here and he can't move out either.

BringMeSunshinePlease Wed 08-Nov-17 18:13:29

I can't tell anyone IRL.

Ellendegeneres Wed 08-Nov-17 18:22:33

You have to call the police. He has assaulted you.

Ellendegeneres Wed 08-Nov-17 18:23:43

Start untangling your finances. You do not stay with a man like this.
I speak as the daughter of a domestic violence victim, there is no reason on earth to stay with a violent abuser

magoria Wed 08-Nov-17 18:34:19

Call the police and start the ball rolling on separating your finances.

BringMeSunshinePlease Wed 08-Nov-17 18:36:00

Thank you for your response. This might sound so wrong but it doesn't feel like domestic abuse?? I can't explain it, it's not the first time he's lashed out either. I suppose it doesn't feel like the black eye pictures you see in the media. Stupid I know!

AlternativeTentacle Wed 08-Nov-17 18:37:54

it doesn't feel like domestic abuse?? I can't explain it, it's not the first time he's lashed out either.

Well it isn't exactly a loving relationship is it?

Being a step parent is hard enough without your so called loving partner actually beating you up.

BringMeSunshinePlease Wed 08-Nov-17 18:39:27

@alternative please be gentle. I've explained I'm not thinking straight.

Notreallyarsed Wed 08-Nov-17 18:40:12

@BringMeSunshinePlease it never does feel like abuse, not the first time anyway. Because of the shock it takes a while to sink in, but please believe me when I tell you it is abuse. You deserve more than to be physically assaulted and abused in your own home.

Notreallyarsed Wed 08-Nov-17 18:40:33

First few times that should have said.

JaneEyre70 Wed 08-Nov-17 18:41:09

He physically attacked you - in temper. That isn't the action of a decent and loving partner. He's a bully and wanted to hurt you. And he did. Domestic abuse has many faces, and he will show you more of them if you stay.

Wolfiefan Wed 08-Nov-17 18:42:41

You're not thinking straight.
People who love their partners and are in healthy relationships don't lash out.
He is abusive.
Kicking is abuse. He doesn't have to punch you in the face to be an abuser.
You need to find a way to separate.
Get help for your MH issues if they persist but I bet not facing abuse at home will help a lot.

Mxyzptlk Wed 08-Nov-17 18:43:17

A massive kick on the hip, to someone who is already walking away, is a very aggressive thing to do. There is no good reason or excuse for it.

BMW6 Wed 08-Nov-17 18:44:58

He assaulted you. Police.

LIZS Wed 08-Nov-17 18:47:50

If you have no children together you need to make plans for him or you to leave asap, depending on your financial set up and whose home it is. Women's Aid is worth a call, this is dv - it could be that his behaviour in your "volatile" moments has already conditioned you to accept abuse as the norm and is bad for your mh.

WhoWants2Know Wed 08-Nov-17 18:48:25

-you mention mental health issues that you are working through without drugs. Can I ask what you think is going to make these issues go away? Staying in an environment where you get kicked doesn’t sound like it’s going to help.

I’m sorry to say it, but physical abuse is a bell that can’t be un-rung. I don’t think there is a happy ending with this man.

MrsHathaway Wed 08-Nov-17 18:48:28

Your hip is quite high up on your body for him to kick: either he's huge and you're tiny (in which case he isn't exactly picking on someone his own size, as the saying goes) or he really went for it.

If you'd said he'd kicked your ankle, I'd be more able to see it as an accidental lashing out. But to get your hip puts me in mind of someone trying to kick a door down, do you see what I mean? Really aggressive and violent.

You haven't explained how he reacted afterwards. That would make a big difference to me. If he was immediately mortified and trying to fetch you an ice pack whilst apologising, that's less frightening than the man who tells you that you made him do it, or that you deserved it, or that he'll do it harder next time, etc. Did he leave you on the floor crying?

Do you row often? Honestly, that's not normal. Don't you deserve a calmer life than that? What kind of relationship(s) did you see modelled when you were growing up?

You're in a good position to leave because you're unmarried and don't have children with him. Finances and logistics are not the same, so don't get them confused. You don't have to live where your money is. If you split, you don't have to tell everyone why (though in cases of violence it's often a good idea). Any kind friend with a sofa?

HollyandBrambles Wed 08-Nov-17 18:48:37

It’s domestic abuse OP. Something that will probably only get worse, you really need to start disentangling yourself from this man.

EnglandKeepMyBones Wed 08-Nov-17 18:53:02

OP - I’m sorry you’re going through this, you must be fairly shocked.

Are you safe and away from your partner right now?

Women’s aid would be worth calling for some moral, real life, support. They can help you figure out the best way to move forward as long as you’re completely honest with them.

It would be a very good idea to contact the police and make a statement too. Whether or not it feels like abuse, you know it was an assault. We don’t assault people that we love and respect.

BringMeSunshinePlease Wed 08-Nov-17 18:58:10

Thank you for your messages. I was walking away and he ran after me (I couldn't see how it happened as he was behind me)'but he lashed out and somehow kicked my hip. I didn't fall, I stumbled and carried on, got in my car and went to work. He never responds to messages and I text him to ask what sort of a man does that. He didn't respond. I'm back home and he hasn't spoken and neither have I.

We have no children together but all my money is tied up here. I don't have money for a deposit on a rental or have any close friends to stay with.

With my MH I'm trying to overcome anxiety with natural products and self help. I've tried the drugs before and they left me feeling numb.

HandbagCrazy Wed 08-Nov-17 18:58:48

It may help you to step outside of the situation here OP. If I had a petty argument with you and kicked you as hard as I could, you’d call the police, because some random person assaulted you.
I am a stranger, I owe you nothing but general decency - and I would never assault you.
Your partner is supposed to love and cherish you but he doesn’t even show the basic respect I would show a stranger.
I think you know you need to leave (talking as someone who’s ex started with verbal aggression, shouting in my fact, moved on to pushing me and ended up with punches and kicks while I was on the floor. It’s a terrifying place to be and scarily easy to end up there without quite knowing how it happened).

Practically, have a look at finances and work out how to untangle them. Even if you’re not ready to leave now, you need to position yourself so it’s an option flowers

Pacificly Wed 08-Nov-17 19:00:54

Abusers don't always punch you sometimes they hit you where no one could possibly see the bruise :hidden abuse.
Sometimes its a kick or a shove or an aggressive wrist grab or worse strangulation

Domestic abuse is a person using anger as an excuse to physically assault/attack another person. With no regard for any injury they may cause!
Why is it OK for him to attack you? Does he kick other people too or just you? And if not then he saves the worst of his behaviour for you!

Eolian Wed 08-Nov-17 19:02:01

It absolutely is domestic abuse. And every time you don't leave him for doing it, he learns that he can get away with it. You deserve better than this scumbag, OP. flowers

Pacificly Wed 08-Nov-17 19:03:20

I also think you'd overcome your anxiety easier without a man kicking you.

thebestnamesweretaken Wed 08-Nov-17 19:04:09

Never feels like domestic abuse until you're out of it on the outside looking in.
The longer you dance with the devil the longer you remain in hell

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