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I am falling for another man.

(7 Posts)
McBounty Tue 07-Nov-17 22:20:00

I am married and have been for almost 8 years. DH and I have been together since I was 15.

Recently, we've had a lot of problems. DH got physical with me a few months back in an argument, I forgave him. Since, we've argued a lot and it's put a huge strain on our marriage. He told me a few weeks ago that I needed to lose weight because it isn't attractive. I understand this, as I am quite overweight, but it still really hurt.

5 months ago, I was baptised. I am a born again Christian and I love it. It really helps and completes my life. DH hates this and is having a very hard time with it. He gives me a lot of crap about it.

Recently, I started talking to a man from my church. He's 15 years older than me, but it was innocent chit chats. No motive from either of us! However, we have started to chat over FB and it's apparent that we both have developed feelings for each other. I'm so confused and struggling a little as I am a Christian and I know that God would not approve. Nothing has crossed the line, and it never ever will. I understand that it would bring a world of pain to my family and I would never do that to them, or DH. However, I do believe that DH and I are over. I think it was the moment he became physical with me, and my heart has slowly started to fall out of love with DH. Recently however, DH is really trying in our marriage. I believe it's too late.

I have no idea what my next move is! I'm so confused. Has anyone ever been through this? What would you advice? I'm a horrible person. I know! sadsadsad

MissConductUS Wed 08-Nov-17 00:28:06

It sounds like an infatuation. If your marriage is over and it then see if you still feel the same way.

Butterymuffin Wed 08-Nov-17 00:33:32

Tell your DH you need some time apart, tell your Facebook friend you need space, and think it all over before you make decisions.

beepboopbeep Wed 08-Nov-17 00:35:31

It's just a chemical reaction that you're experiencing - hormones and so on. cut off the friend and you'll feel better

Address the issues in your marriage - again, you'll feel better.

Justlovingbeingamum Wed 08-Nov-17 00:40:35

You’re not a horrible person at all, so please don’t think that.

The fact of the matter is that you feel your relationship with DH is over, and it’s so so hard to overcome acts of physical abuse (even just the once) and to rebuild that relationship.

I think you and DH really need to discuss how you feel and where you think the marriage is going. You definitely owe it to each other to discuss this if you’ve agreed to try and make the marriage work and you don’t feel it’s salvageable.

It’s okay to not want to be with him after what happened, and while I don’t think anyone condones affairs/talking to people behind partners backs (even if you know it’s innocent), we are human beings and we make mistakes from time to time.

I really don’t feel I’ve said anything particularly helpful, but I really hope you can leave if you’re not happy or find a way to work with DH to be happy together if that ends up being what you want xx

CookieMonster54 Wed 08-Nov-17 01:03:04

I am not a born-again christian (classic a-la-carte Catholic here) but I have many friends who are. I think when you have an encounter with the Lord as powerful as the one born-again Christians have, it must be very hard to live with someone who doesn't understand that, and equally, very attractive to be able to talk about it with someone who does, like the man in your church.

I think you should step back, pray a bit, and try to see God in your husband. What are the good things about him, that made you fall for him in the first place? It may be that you simply cannot be in a relationship with him, but I do think you owe him at least a decision made that's only about him. If you can't be with him, it should be because you can't be with him, not because there's some other guy waiting for you.

Cut off contact, to the extent you can, with OM. Spend some time thinking and praying about your husband. Make a decision about him. You'll regret it if you do it any other way.

TammyswansonTwo Wed 08-Nov-17 02:06:09

Putting aside the violence for one second, everything else suggests your marriage is over. He's being nasty to you, and you're now religiously incompatible- personally I would be devastated if my husband became a born again Christian since we are both atheists at present and I would massively struggle with the changes this would bring to our relationship and to him personally.

However, all this pales in comparison to the fact that he was violent towards you. That's never acceptable and you should leave. The feelings you have for this other guy say more about your marriage than about him.

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