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Did I do the right thing?

(16 Posts)
sophkins Tue 07-Nov-17 21:22:58

My partner scared me in an argument last week and I posted on here about his temper and drinking.

I decided to leave. I'm currently trying to organise somewhere to live. Staying with a friend (she's been great she never liked him and said I was too good for him blush)

I was pregnant and a termination is arranged.

I feel
Like I've done the right thing but I also feel like sobbing all the time.

Desmondo2016 Tue 07-Nov-17 21:25:49

You've been incredibly brave and proactive. I'm glad you have a supportive friend. However, the termination decision needs to be made separately and you need to know in your heart that a termination is right for You, not feel obliged to do it because of the relationship is ending. Personally I imagine it is the right decision but just be certain. Well done again. Your new life starts here.

sophkins Tue 07-Nov-17 21:30:37

It's hard because I really, really want a baby but I think I want a baby because I want something to love and I think I'd be a better mum waiting for the right time with the right person. I don't even have a home now so not really suitable for a baby! I care about my children too much to bring them into the world without being able to be the mum I know I can be one day. I just hope I can meet someone.

sophkins Tue 07-Nov-17 21:55:57

Feel so alone sad

GottadoitGottadoit Tue 07-Nov-17 22:38:51

I'm sure you will get the chance to meet someone else. Do you mind me asking how old you are? Apologies if seems rude, but relevant if you're wanting kids in the future.

sophkins Wed 08-Nov-17 10:09:14

I'm in my 30s so it's a worry ... I don't know.

SleveMcDichael Wed 08-Nov-17 10:37:15

If, when things have stabilised, you didn't meet someone worthy of you and you decide that you can make a go of it as a single parent, you can still do that. Adoption, sperm donor - these are things you can consider. I'm not saying a termination is what you should do now - only you can decide that. But this isn't your only chance to have a family. You get to decide whether now is the right time and this man the right father. Lean on the real life friends you have and keep posting here if it helps. You've done everything right so far!

sophkins Wed 08-Nov-17 10:59:01

Not when homeless and jobless and moneyless you can't.

I get what you're saying but single parenthood in the forms you describe is for successful wealthy women.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 08-Nov-17 11:05:15

Unfortunately, single parenthood is thrust upon many of us who are ill prepared for it and is not what we planned.
But we get through it and we get by.
Men leave women 'holding the baby' all the time and we all find a way, because we have to.
I believe you are doing the right thing and it's what I would do.
But.... if you are 30's and want a baby then you need to understand what would happen if you continued.
Please discuss with CAB and Shelter and find out what your options are regarding housing, benefits, tax credits, etc....
Then make your final decision.

Well done on leaving. That was very brave.
Now be pro-active on finding out if you could manage before making that last decision.

Lean on your friend if she is supportive.
Having a baby when feeling alone, won't solve that problem.

sophkins Wed 08-Nov-17 11:21:30

I know, did you read my post? Don't mean that rudely but termination is booked.

SleveMcDichael Wed 08-Nov-17 11:21:42

I suppose what I meant was: this pregnancy isn't your 'only chance'.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 08-Nov-17 11:35:26

Understand that it's booked but you sound like you want a baby.
So just wanted to ensure you looked at all your options.

Myheartbelongsto Wed 08-Nov-17 16:10:32

Sounds like you want this baby but need practical advice about housing, money etc.

I have 3 children and never thought I could do it but here I am doing it and a fantastic job too! I have zero family support and do everything myself. So it can be done.

sophkins Wed 08-Nov-17 16:15:57

I know but should it (for me not you I mean obviously)

hellsbellsmelons Wed 08-Nov-17 16:51:57

That's a decision only you can make.
Should or shouldn't doesn't really come into this.
It's what YOU want to do and what YOU will be comfortable with that matters here.

GottadoitGottadoit Wed 08-Nov-17 23:39:19

Sometimes knowing that there is no right or wrong answer can help us truly understand how we feel about something.

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