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Can you ever really forgive and trust someone who has lied to you numerous times?

(56 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Tillydog2003 Tue 07-Nov-17 19:52:36

Just that really!
My OH has betrayed me so many times and I’ve let it slide.....to a certain extent!
This time it has really hit me hard as I thought we’d turned a corner, I asked him to leave as I just couldn’t bear to face him.
We have an almost 2yr old and all I want is a good, decent family for him and I feel guilty that his dad has turned out to be such a let down.
I can can never trust him, I don’t respect him and I feel like shit.

Battleax Tue 07-Nov-17 19:54:45

No.

Why are you still there?

Tillydog2003 Tue 07-Nov-17 19:59:57

I have no idea right now.

Breadwithgarlicon Tue 07-Nov-17 20:01:31

Not in my experience. I've known several liars and they all still lie as far as I know. Sorry.

Tillydog2003 Tue 07-Nov-17 20:02:59

Apparently he does these things because he’s stupid and doesn’t think, says it isn’t malicious just stupid mistakes.....that he continues to make time and time again.

MissWilmottsGhost Tue 07-Nov-17 20:03:37

No. It would be foolish to do that.

Sorry flowers

MissWilmottsGhost Tue 07-Nov-17 20:05:21

But it's not because he is stupid.

It's because he thinks you are stupid.

IME sad

Tillydog2003 Tue 07-Nov-17 20:09:02

I know and I’ve said this to him, it is an insult to my intelligence, a total lack of respect for me and he makes me feel like I’m not worthy of being honest with. He’s just a shit.

Iamok0303 Wed 08-Nov-17 13:14:47

My ex did this, I would end up questioning everything. Then even when he was telling the truth I ended up doubting because of all the lies. And he said he did it to protect me, lmao, I can’t stand people who think that because I don’t respond to their shit that I am buying it, I simply can’t be bothered to entertain it. I left him. And it was such a relief because I was able to trust again, and put myself first. Lying is a form to protect themselves, no one else and it’s s form of abuse too.

mustbemad17 Wed 08-Nov-17 13:19:46

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hellsbellsmelons Wed 08-Nov-17 13:19:57

You can't feel guilty because your STBEx is a liar.
You didn't make him a liar.
He just is one and that, will never ever change.
I was with an expert liar.
They do not change.
He still does it now with the OW.
This will be your life forever if you stay in this.
Get out and stay out.

Tillydog2003 Wed 08-Nov-17 15:21:23

Why do they lie? I don’t understand how you can be dishonest to someone that you claim to love?

Tillydog2003 Wed 08-Nov-17 15:23:30

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Roweami Wed 08-Nov-17 15:42:55

As he is such a consistent liar - can I suggest a career in politics??

Seriously - you deserve better!!!

Lulusmother Wed 08-Nov-17 15:43:37

You can’t. If he has does this to you a lot you’ll find you’ll struggle with future relationships if you’re not careful. I speak from experience!

Myheartbelongsto Wed 08-Nov-17 15:45:21

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Battleax Wed 08-Nov-17 15:55:00

It's a disgusting word.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 08-Nov-17 17:01:06

Well I like it!

ZestyMaximus Wed 08-Nov-17 17:05:26

Forgive - yes.
Continue with them in my life - no, not in any meaningful way
Stay in a relationship with them - HELL NO!

yousignup Wed 08-Nov-17 17:07:35

I don't think they do change, no. My DH lies because it's a way to get out of trouble, even for the smallest of things. It's a childish knee jerk reaction of dealing with trivial things and it has eaten away at the fabric of our lives. When he is drunk (which is often) his lies are pub bravado stories and they make me cringe.

donners312 Wed 08-Nov-17 17:15:07

Nope!

And if you don't leave him now in years to come I bet you will wish that you had.

Honestly like PP said - he doesn't lie because he is stupid he lies because he thinks you are.

Tillydog2003 Wed 08-Nov-17 17:39:36

Yousignup

Why did you marry him, has he always lied?

yousignup Wed 08-Nov-17 18:13:33

@Tillydog Because I'm stupid. I honestly think I was feeling very low, and I wanted it so much to work. I didn't realise how much of a liar he was until we got married. I was blind and should not have married him. I bollocked him for his lies before, and he was contrite, but I was stupid to let it go.

Tillydog2003 Wed 08-Nov-17 18:29:09

This is our relationship, I always find out, he’s always remorseful, although never enough to not do it again!

yousignup Wed 08-Nov-17 18:40:14

The lies are so stupid and trivial. I think it's because he wants to paint me as a nag and a dragon, someone he has to lie to. I'm not like that. It feeds into his pub life, nagging wife indoors you have to lie to and escape from.

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