HRT and moods

[HarmlessChap]

DW has been put on HRT due to hot flushes, since then her moods have been errr.... difficult.

I've asked if the HRT is affecting them and she's saying if anything it should help them and google seems to concur. However she's also its totally denying that she's been moody at all.

She's pretty much identical how she was with PMS but its been ongoing for a month now. She's tired, snappy, emotional and is exhibiting lots of passive aggressive and martyrdom behaviour.

She's not a great communicator at the best of times so the unwillingness to talk about it or acknowledge the moodiness along with the passive aggressive behaviour and martyrdom is beginning to become very wearing. Clearly it may be the menopause (or perimenopause?) rather than the HRT which is causing the moods.

Its not just me who's on the receiving end either. Our teenage DC's are being ripped into, unjustifiably, too. For example we were doing something at the weekend; they both knew the time they should be ready, 10 minutes before that time she or I would normally be calmly reminding them to get ready (as you do with teens) but she was already losing her shit with them as though they were 10 minutes late.

Please tell me this is a short lived phase, does anyone have any constructive advice?

[CrabappleCake]

Hi

I was like this for about a year. Swapping HRT helped as did taking Agnus castus. I was really down about it but recognised that I needed help. My Dh persuaded me to go back to gps and swap HRT.

It's a horrible time. I look back now and can't believe how horrible it was or I was. It shouldn't last forever though.

[badsurname]

It did for me. The oestrogen made my moods better but the synthetic progesterone sends me into a rage. Now have the bioidentical progesterone (utrogestan), which seems a bit more tolerable

[TammyswansonTwo]

I can't comment on HRT but hormonal changes dramatically affect my mood, personality, sex drive, weight... literally everything about myself. I was on a drug that put me into pseudo menopause for a few years and my fuse was completely gone - had a pretty average argument with my husband once and I ended up in the bathroom smashing my head into a wall. I honestly felt like I was possessed, I couldn't control it at all and it was only after these incidents that I could even see how scary they were (I never took it out on my DH, only ever myself fortunately).

I would kindly ask her to go back to her doctor as you're concerned about her. It's very difficult to cope with changes like this as it feels like another person has taken over your body when it's extreme. I genuinely believe that hormone levels are responsible for far more things than we currently give them credit for.

Aside from that, how are things in her life? Is she overburdened, exhausted, struggling with pain or anything like that? I find that's when I just can't keep my shit together. Does she have enough help at home, is she overwhelmed?

I'm not excusing her acting like that, but throwing around blame is not as constructive as getting to the cause and dealing with it. I've been in a foul mood recently that I've been struggling to contain as I've been doing way too much - my husband took over last night, got up early with the boys and did their breakfast - I feel like a different person today. If she's overburdened, could you give her a proper break? Even a few hours make a massive difference.

[HarmlessChap]

Thanks for the replies.

She is definitely struggling, every time I ask her how she is she says she's exhausted but the martyrdom thing is that she's taking on far more than her fair share.

I'm sat here on my day off with little to do because while I was at work on Saturday she blitzed almost all the chores (bar the grocery shopping) that I would normally do on Sunday and today, but then complained of how tired she is having worked so hard on on Saturday.

She's also been going to bed later than normal and getting up earlier than normal and every effort I've made to try and take the pressure off her has either been headed off by her or thrown her into a huff.

For example we normally share the cooking while, but whilst she was out doing some work with a charity on Sunday, I an the kids worked out a full meal plan for the week, I then bought everything we needed (I'd normally do a weekly shop today but we needed some things for Sunday so I did the whole thing then). Its been organised so that I and the DCs will do all the cooking for this week.

When she read through the plan she was clearly annoyed and picked holes saying DC1 or DC2 won't eat this or that but they said they would. I intended cooking what I thought would be a nice meal for the two of us for Friday. Something a bit different from the norm, so as to make an effort and the DCs would have something else. It was using some ingredients she used to use quite a lot but hasn't recently. Her reaction was well I won't eat that, I don't like that kind of thing. I was surprised and said about how she previously did and she said she doesn't like it any more and said I could cook it for myself if I wanted and I she'd sort herself out.

Anyway I came up with a few alternate recipes which left out the ingredients she stated she dislikes and she did pick one albeit a bit begrudgingly.

I've suggest that if she's tired then maybe get an early night but its been met with a snappy response and a stubborn refusal to try and relax. It seems she'd rather binge watching another box set episode or play candy crush on her phone.

She knows I'm concerned so I need to give it some more time but will persist that she needs to go back to the GP if things don't improve.

Its difficult as I every time I try to raise my concerns she ends up in tears and becomes extremely dramatic saying that she can't do anything right, she's not moody and basically shuts the conversation down. When I asked why she'd done my chores and why she'd laid into the DCs she said if she didn't do these things nothing would ever get done around here, which is simply wrong. I do those chores week in week out and the DCs just need a bit of prompting, normally.

I'm trying hard not to throw blame around it can't be pleasant for her to feel like this but I'm also struggling to find ways to support her.

[CrabappleCake]

Hate to say it but she does sound maybe a bit depressed as well. That is another common side effect of low oestrogen approaching the menopause or could be depression as well.

My husband kind of supported me but also got on with his own things as well. He now has clinical depression and I'm trying to do the same - learning how to keep myself sane while supporting him. MIght be worth you doing some reading up on that.

[HarmlessChap]

Yep I've not ruled out depression either but I really hope its not.

She had quite severe PND for a year+ after each child and it was a bloody endurance. Again she never acknowledged her moods then but TBH most of the time then she showed virtually no emotion at all, more existing than living.

I think I may have worked out why she did my chores, when she gets into a rage she often cleans to work through it.

[TammyswansonTwo]

Definitely sounds like hormonal imbalance to me. Lots of that sounds very familiar. To be fair to her, she is saying these things because at present she feels they are true, I don't think she's trying to be difficult or a martyr. Her attitude sounds a bit like mine at present although if you're being fully honest then it sounds like you're usually pulling your weight so her reaction seems very unfair.

If she's only recently started the meds it may take a little while for her body to adjust, or she may need to go back and try something else instead.

I know it's really difficult to be on the receiving end but hang in there.

[CrabappleCake]

Yep, my DH does aggressive depressed cleaning.

He is getting help though, seeing DP, taking medication etc. It's bloody hard work being the supportive partner though - you have my every sympathy.

Really does sound like she could do with going to the GP and adjusting the HRT. There's a menopause thread in General Health where there's lots of good advice.

[HarmlessChap]

There's a menopause thread in General Health where there's lots of good advice.

Thanks I'll check that out