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Move in with mil ?

(29 Posts)
autumnnn Mon 06-Nov-17 19:43:08

Been with my partner 3 years, we want to buy a property together but as we need a huge deposit, it's just impossible to save.
I wanted to make sure it was the right decision before committing to move in together so rather than him move in with me and my lo ( I currently rent ) his mum has suggested me and lo move in with them.
She has a big house and works quite a lot so we would have our own space
We have worked out we can save a hell of a lot, still living and giving his mum something too but I just wanted some advice
Has anyone done this before and any tips ?
I moved out of home a long time ago and have lived on my own with lo for a while.
Hope to be moved for xmas all being well as I only need to give my landlord a month
The area would mean my lo would have to change schools ( I moved away for my los dad but when we split 4 years ago I've been wanting to move back down ever since )
Thanks for reading

Aussiebean Mon 06-Nov-17 19:48:36

Depends how relaxed you think you will be in her house.

My mil is lovely but would hate to live with her. She has everything just so and it’s stresses her when it’s not. I always feel obliged to pack everything away straight away and clean up the messes. In your home you can leave it to the morning if you are tired.

You have a little one. How relaxed are you going to be when the make a mess it have a tantrum?

sooperdooper Mon 06-Nov-17 19:51:02

Personally I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than live with my inlaws, do you get on well? How long will it take you to save? Where is he currently living?

wobblywonderwoman Mon 06-Nov-17 19:51:24

I think it would give toy a great start - have you a separate living room area (tv etc) to have privacy

She sounds very generous and a nice person to offer.

Cricrichan Mon 06-Nov-17 20:04:42

Could you give it a trial run at Christmas? It really depends on your MIL and you. I doubt it'll be easy though!

autumnnn Mon 06-Nov-17 20:07:30

She is absolutely lovely and we get on very well. She treats my lo as if she's her own granddaughter and always has from day one. I'm close to my mum too but I see my mil more - sometimes without my boyf!
My boyf lives with her officially but he's always at mine. He went back to his mum when he split with his ex partner so he's jus my stayed there.
He lives over 45 mins away from me so it's a bit of a drive
The house is a 5 bedroom house there's not a separate lived area but it's spacious
My lo already has her own room there as I sometimes stay over when I visit
I'm hoping we could save enough in about 6months ideally but it's quite a long time isn't it
I guess if it didn't work, I could just rent somewhere like I'm doing now
I work and so does my partner
My job allows me to do school runs but she has offered to do a school runs as well for me! X

flumpybear Mon 06-Nov-17 20:07:43

Depends on the boundaries - can you have a wing to yourselves perhaps? Also need to ensure there’s boundaries set with regard to your marriage (his mum, you’re the new wife etc .... awkward) and your child too - grandparents are different to parents and that needs addressing first
Good way to save money though but be hard ok yourselves and have an ‘at least’ amount to save each month and add to that

Personally, not a cats hope in hell but my mil is awful

autumnnn Mon 06-Nov-17 20:10:28

Hmm yea guess we would have to take and set ground rules
I don't doubt it would be easy but a great way to save a deposit as we have no chance in hell as we are now
The schools in her area are also very good so once settled in her new school that would be a massive plus xx

DancesWithOtters Mon 06-Nov-17 20:18:56

My MIL is lovely and I'm lucky to have her. But I couldn't live with her.

Rach000 Mon 06-Nov-17 21:26:06

I would possibly live with my mother in law if she had a big house and we wanted to save some money. She sounds nice and could be good to get some help with school runs etc especially if your lo likes spending time with her.
It's a good opportunity to save a lot of money. Me and my husband moved in with my dad and step mum when we were between houses and looking for a new one/ saving and then doing the house up. We both coped ok and it went fairly quick, was nearly a year in total! It wasn't ideal at times but was worth it.

autumnnn Mon 06-Nov-17 21:46:14

Thanks guys
More positive responses than I thought
I guess it's each to their own but I guess if it gets us to be able to buy our own house quicker it's worth looking into
Just nice to know if anyone else has done it / survived it lol

HeddaGarbled Mon 06-Nov-17 23:47:19

My SIL, her H and 2 children moved in with my MIL when they had a housing crisis. They got on well and thought it would be a good short term solution. It didn't go well!

MIL couldn't cope with shoes dumped in the hall etc, the lack of peace and quiet.

SIL couldn't cope with veiled criticism of how she dealt with the children, not having control of kitchen and meals.

BIL couldn't cope with never having any privacy to give his wife a cuddle on the sofa while watching TV in the evenings and the veiled criticism if he left any object anywhere for more than half an hour.

The children were absolutely fine!

They found a rental after 2 months.

whenthestarsturnblue Tue 07-Nov-17 02:01:27

An absolute start and end date would be required and then maybe?

Cavender Tue 07-Nov-17 02:07:41

You would need to be absolutely clear regarding boundaries re parenting your child.

Being occasional granny is in no way the same as living with Granny.

You’d need a very, very clear understanding regarding discipline, food, rules, sweets etc

lunabear1 Tue 07-Nov-17 05:47:16

Moved in with MIL and FIL for 4 months whilst waiting for the sale of our new house. Was okay, I get on with them both but began to see them in a different light that I can't move past now.

For example the way MIL speaks to FIL and how FIL always goes away with his friends at the weekend without taking MIL into consideration. Lots of other things that would take too long to post. Nothing major but Just something to consider

sall74 Tue 07-Nov-17 06:28:19

6 months doesn't sound a very long time to able to save up a ''huge'' deposit?

category12 Tue 07-Nov-17 06:39:03

Talk about how you will divide chores, how much you will contribute, who is responsible for what, expectations of each other, what to do if space/time out from each other is needed in detail before you move in. Don't assume you'll work it out as you go along.

hesterton Tue 07-Nov-17 06:44:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

katmarie Tue 07-Nov-17 06:54:32

I lived with my ex’s parents for about a year. The main things were lack of privacy and just different routines.

Privacy wise we all shared one bathroom, so often there was a wait to get in there, also his mum had no issue with just walking into our room until we put a lock on the door, which she didn’t like. She also tried to do my laundry, which I didn’t like. But like others have said, you cant sit and cuddle on the sofa and things like that, in fact my ex and I weren’t allowed to sit together on the sofa full stop! So that put a strain on things. They also ate dinner really early but I had a long commute so would be wanting to make dinner while they were clearing up etc.

So definitely I would recommend boundaries. I would also discuss routines and make sure there are no clashes. If it works it’s great though, we did manage to squirrel away a good deposit, and I think the in laws were so keen to get rid of us by the end that they gave us a generous amount to top it up to allow us to buy a lovely place!

Yogagirl123 Tue 07-Nov-17 06:54:54

I love my MIL and we have lived with her in the past. Go for it, if it will give you the chance to save. Just be honest with each other and respect that it’s her home and only temporary. It will be fab when you get your own place. Good luck OP.

OliviaStabler Tue 07-Nov-17 07:10:48

I would but only if there were very clear ground rules that everyone agreed on.

Mayah Tue 07-Nov-17 07:14:50

If it's for a better future for you, your partner and you LO, 6 months is not much of a sacrifice. Definitely set some ground rules of course and pull your weight. But how bad could it really get in 6 months. You'll be glad you did

autumnnn Tue 07-Nov-17 09:31:57

Thanks guys
Will have a proper read later
We have 13k already but we need a larger one for where we want to buy
We take home 4.5k a month between us so with a little something for mil and our running costs, we plan to save 3k a month 15k minimum whilst we are there
Something we cannot do in our rented place x

user7680 Tue 07-Nov-17 09:38:21

Sounds like a good plan if it’s just for 6 months x

TammyswansonTwo Tue 07-Nov-17 11:22:33

Sounds lovely - I couldn't live with mine but you get on well. If she has enough rooms that are unused it might be worth setting one up as a playroom / tv room so your LO (and you!) can have some distance if things are getting a bit much for any of you.

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