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Can ExH decide when DD meets my new partner?

(40 Posts)
sunshiney78 Mon 06-Nov-17 19:22:34

ExH left for OW & moved in with her a month later. He sees DD6 every other w/end at his mum's (his choice, or maybe OW's choice who knows?). I wouldn't introduce my DD to my new partner for as long as possible, but I know exh is going to be abroad a lot over the next few months & won't have DD for up to 3 weeks at a time, so logistically, it may happen that DD meets my "friend". ExH is not happy about this. As I say, I wouldn't want to introduce DD any time soon, but was just wondering if ExH can forbid it?

user1471451564 Mon 06-Nov-17 19:24:37

No. He may not like it but he vetoed his say in your personal life the moment he chose the OW.

Papayamum Mon 06-Nov-17 19:26:22

Why are you letting him control you? If DD has met his bf why can't she meet your bf?

jeaux90 Mon 06-Nov-17 19:26:41

Tell him to fuck right off. He has no control over that. Clearly he still wants to control you though.

Justwaitingforaline Mon 06-Nov-17 19:28:34

Of course he can’t bloody forbid it, especially if he’s in another country confused

Poshindevon Mon 06-Nov-17 19:29:54

Of course your ExH cant forbid you introducing your friend to your DD.
Your divorced he has no say what you do with your life.

FreddieFazzbear Mon 06-Nov-17 19:30:08

Tell him to fuck off
This ^
He can't dictate to you.

Love51 Mon 06-Nov-17 19:30:10

How would he even know until after the event when DD might mention it?

IToldYouIWasFreaky Mon 06-Nov-17 19:31:02

No, neither of you can say who your DD meets/spends time with when she is with the other parent. Your Ex can be unhappy about it all he likes but there's fuck all he can actually do about it....legally. However, he's free to be an arse about it hmm

sunshiney78 Mon 06-Nov-17 19:43:12

Thank you. Was just wondering because he has sent me a very formal email stating "as DD's parent, I do not give my consent for her to meet new partner in any way, including by accident etc." New partner also offered to meet ExH beforehand, but ExH doesn't want that.

timeisnotaline Mon 06-Nov-17 19:46:23

Response 'as dds parent who is in a new relationship because she is divorced after dds biological father cheated on her, not to mention said biological father is absent for weeks at a time, dd will meet whoever I choose. Thank you for your concern.'

The biological part would just be to shit stir him grin

sunshiney78 Mon 06-Nov-17 19:49:01

😅

NaiceBiscuits Mon 06-Nov-17 19:51:52

Just reply....
"Thank you for letting me know how you feel. As an adult I'll make my own decision on this, as you made your decision regarding dd meeting OW"

minmooch Mon 06-Nov-17 19:53:47

Of course he can’t dictate when you introduce new partner to your dd. No more than you can dictate to him.

Obviously it is best to decide when it is best for the child.

Ellisandra Mon 06-Nov-17 20:02:36

Bet you're glad the controlling pompous fuckwit is someone else's problem now!
I wouldn't wish going through the OW situation on anyone, but long term... ugh, imagine still being with that arse!

No, he can't forbid it hmm

You go ahead and make your own decision, which I'm sure will be sensible.

I disagree a bit with the comment above that if you daughter can meet his GF she can meet your BF. In principle, of course - yes. But I do think we have to be careful with event timing. One reason my fiancé and I delayed him moving in was because my XH's GF moved in. We felt it wasn't right to have two major home changes in the same year. I do think sometimes one new partner is a good reason not to introduce another for a while. But - it's certainly not his decision to make. Cock!!!!!

Emboo19 Mon 06-Nov-17 20:04:52

As others have said he gets no say as you don’t with who he introduces to dd (unless of course there is safeguarding issues).
But, has he introduced dd to his partner? I get from your op that he hasn’t.

FannyWisdom Mon 06-Nov-17 20:09:16

This is a validating moment.
You dodged a bullet, this daft lump could still be your significant other.
Enjoy the relief whilst ignoring him.
Or reply with equally silly demands like you insist DD never encounters asparagus or grime music in his care.

mineofuselessinformation Mon 06-Nov-17 20:13:20

Naicebiscuit's reply is perfect - makes the point and reinforces that he has no right to dictate anything that happens when dd is with you.

MyUsernameIsOriginal Mon 06-Nov-17 20:18:18

He can't dictate that anymore than you can dictate when he introduces the OW to your DD. He can express a preference. You can ignore it. Focus on what's right for your child and don't worry about him.

NaiceBiscuits Mon 06-Nov-17 20:19:15

Emboo , it's not whether or not he's introduced OW. It's that he has made that decision without thinking that Sunshiney to have a say...which is his right as an adult. Sunshiney has the same right.

Ellisandra You may be right about trying not to have too many big events in one year, but some exes will play on that. My Ex, for example, is competitive and if I do something, he will try to top it. If he's prewarned about something, he'll try to steal the idea and do it first.

crimsonlake Mon 06-Nov-17 20:20:40

The cheek of the man makes my blood boil. My ex did this shortly after he left for another woman. Sent me an email saying if he saw a car on the drive or parked around the corner he would reduce my maintenance!
We have been apart 6 years now and in all that time I would never have considered moving anyone in and disrupting my children's lives which has been my decision.

user7680 Mon 06-Nov-17 20:26:57

He sounds very jealous and controlling. Your life your child your decision. He’s the one who left

Theresnonamesleft Mon 06-Nov-17 20:30:16

I'm confused. You introduced OW to DD. But anyway, suppose you will take me to court to try and involve yourself in my private life

Kr1st1na Mon 06-Nov-17 20:30:20

I’m grin at “ controlling pompous fuckwit “ . Describes my ex to a T. There’s so many of them about .

Emboo19 Mon 06-Nov-17 20:36:19

I know it’s not NaiceBiscuits and I says as everyone else as that he gets no say. But I don’t know the man and I can’t say from Op’s post that he’s doing this to be controlling or anything as some people can. He may just be a father concerned for his daughter.

As much as I know I can’t do anything about it, if he really wanted to. I’d have concerns if my ex was wanting to introduce someone to our DD and I know he would if I were.

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