Emotional distance whilst maintaining contact

[Graceadlerdesigns]

I have only lived near my family for 18 mths - i previously lived 4 hrs drive away.

My dm and ds are very close. They get on very well and ds loves her. She wants to provide practical support (i.e. babysitting ds and offering £). But, recenty i have noticed some pretty nasty traits in her. There are various things but the main thing that upset me is my dh has recently been v unwell. My dm always always minimises illnesses (she doesnt 'believe' in taking tablets ) and keeps saying he is fine. She visited on sunday and asked dh how he was. He isnt comfortable talking about his health as it is personal but said he was not great and is awaiting his apt for a small capsule endoscopy but doesnt want to do it as he hates hospitals etc

My dm then says 'oh you're fine. Just tell them you dont need it."
I was and said that if a colorectal consultant says he needs it then he does!
I text her later thst evening, and said 'hi dm. Just wanted to ask- when you see dh on wed pls don't discourage him from having this capsule endoscopy it really is important and he is already worried about it".

She hasnt replied. She sees not replying to messages as 'punishment' - i know because she will regularly say that dsis has said something she doesnt like so she ignores her. If she is really pissed at me she will cancel seeing us tomorrow. Again, she has admitted to me cancelling on dsis when she is pissed off.

I am now starting to understand why dsis keeps things quite cool. Is it possible to maintain contact but keep things superficial/casual? Does anyone else have a close but not really close relationshio with their dm?