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Is there a way back from falling out of love?

(14 Posts)
Moonraker37 Mon 06-Nov-17 12:16:57

Hello, I'm after any advice/experience of anyone who was married to a nice man, healthy 'normal' relationship (whatever that is?!) but fell out of love. I've been married six years, two young children. SAHM, husband works full time. We've had separate bedrooms for four years because he snores and not had sex since 2014! Crazy. I'm at the stage where I'm considering divorce. But I feel so so sad, for my children mainly who adore their dad, he's a great dad and for him, as he's a good man. I turn 40 this year and feel at a cross roads. I'm desperate to return to work but haven't been able as childcare cost more than I would earn but my youngest starts school next year.

Has anyone been in a situation like this? Did you split eventually? I don't want to regret breaking my family up. Thank you for reading.

PS I've enquired about relate couple counselling so considering that, although pricey.

redexpat Mon 06-Nov-17 14:32:50

Yep me and DH were like that earlier in the year, minus the separate bedrooms. We had 2 counselling sessions. The first one really did the trick.

redexpat Mon 06-Nov-17 14:35:08

I mean, it did the trick and we fell back in love.

Nazdarovye Mon 06-Nov-17 14:37:47

Really redexpat? Just like that? (clicks finger)

GeriT Mon 06-Nov-17 14:45:55

I think there is.

It's a choice to give up on someone without trying.

Key thing is both people have to be willing to make it work.

Good luck x

Jayfee Mon 06-Nov-17 14:58:08

Sleeping in separate roms isn't great. If he also suffers from tiredness, try and get him to see his gp as he might have sleep apnoea. They can do monitoring from home these days. If he has it, the machine you use to stop it isn't flattering but you wouldn't hear him snoring and he would be full of energy ( so your sex life should transform!)

Jayfee Mon 06-Nov-17 15:00:19

Sorry but to explain, loud snoring is often indicative f sleep apnoea. Proper use of the machines to correct this make massive difference to how a person feels.

RavingRoo Mon 06-Nov-17 15:01:15

Try counselling first. You owe that to your kids.

Whataboutmeee Mon 06-Nov-17 15:08:04

Counselling is cheaper than divorce so worth a try.

HazelBite Mon 06-Nov-17 15:19:28

Not been in this situation but me returning to work after being a SAHM really rejuvenated my relationship with DH, probably down to the fact my life felt a little more satisfying and my self esteem increased. i also had something more interesting to talk about to DH about in the evening.

I would echo what PP's have said about the snoring and counseling.

RainyApril Mon 06-Nov-17 16:17:34

When xh and I were on the brink of splitting we had a single counselling session, during which the counsellor was adamant that it was possible to reconnect and fall in love again if you both wanted it. She said there were loads of techniques and she couldn't wait to get started, that she'd watched it happen loads of times, it was really positive.

Sadly during the wait for the second session I discovered he was still seeing ow, so that was that! But don't focus on that bit, focus on my positive first paragraph. It must be worth a try, surely, where children are involved.

Moonraker37 Mon 06-Nov-17 19:04:12

Thank you so much for all the replies and experiences shared. I really appreciate and am going to book a relate session tomorrow for the next week or so. Like you say, I owe my children to try and it's cheaper than divorce.

Thanks again.

loveablether Mon 06-Nov-17 19:15:23

Sounds like you guys are not really communicating well/ talk to each other - Counselling good start -also a good tip re snoring is ‘sleep headphones and a relaxing app on your phone - gets me off to sleep despite the snoring beside me!

redexpat Mon 06-Nov-17 21:32:57

Yes really! Just like that!

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