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I took him bsck, big mistake

(12 Posts)
ALittleBitConfused1 Mon 06-Nov-17 07:19:59

Ive been awake since three am. This morning I read an old post I'd written, I've nc since then.
I can't believe I took him back. I fell for his shit yet again and boy am I paying for it.
My previous thread was about admitting I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship. I ended it the same day and made him leave, within weeks we were back together. I tried to fight how I felt but I wasn't strong enough. I tried not to fight my instincts, my gut was screaming don't do it, but my heart was broken and it felt like only he could mend it.
I listened to his promises to change. I gradually started to believe we could make it work. He didn't move back in, but he was the man I fell in love with once again. Kind attentive, funny, soba more than he was drunk, supportive. This gave him a perfect platform to start a different kind of abuse. Emotional blackmail, I didn't see it coming.
He did well, I'll give him that, overnight he became the victim, I became the bad one.
Eventually I couldn't take it anymore, how hard his life had become, because of me so I agreed to let him back. Bam hello to the old version of him again. The version that disapproved of everything I did / said/ thought/ felt. The version that I just couldn't make happy, unless i offered 100% compliance. The version that called me names, lied to me and tried to control every thought I had.
I told him I was done. I couldn't go back to that, the deal was off I didn't want him back. I got to see a new version of him.
The version that beat me. The version that locked me in the house and said he was going to kill me. The version that screamed at me that he hated me. The version that smashed glasses and threw food at me. The version that then kicked me out onto the street a broken, bruised mess. The middle of the night, with no money, nowhere to go and no coat.
I found strength from somewhere, I called the police, I pressed charges. I'm going to sit in court with my head held high and tell everyone what he did to me. I'm in therapy and I've managed to go back to work. I've made contact with old friends and I'm building my life back to what is was, what I was before I met him.
Some days I cope, others I cry.
Some nights I sleep, others i dream
Some days I go to work and do a good job, some days it's an achievement just to make myself walk into the office.
Sometimes I laugh at a joke, sometimes I hurt so much my heart burns.
I know I'll get there, but this path is one I wouldn't wish my worse enemy to walk.
To anyone who is in an abusive relationship get out, now, as soon as you can.
They don't change
They will damage you
They will try to destroy you
Take back the control by loving yourself more than your abuser hates you
They are incapable of love or change
They will hurt you
They will become violent
There is nothing you can do to fix them
They will take you bit by bit until there's nothing left

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger Mon 06-Nov-17 07:25:12

You got out, they are cunning and devious these abusers so do not blame yourself for taking him back. But well-bloody-done for pressing charges. flowers

Nomoretears56 Mon 06-Nov-17 07:28:51

Chin up, I've been there, it will get better and as pp said well bloody done for pressing charges. Enjoy the rest of of your life, don't be afraid X

ElfrideSwancourt Mon 06-Nov-17 07:30:14

Well done for pressing charges- hope it goes well in Court.

Well done for not knocking on the door and begging him to let you back in- I bet this is what he thought you would do.

Well done for taking control of your life and don’t blame yourself- like pp said abusers of this type are clever and devious. flowers

Esspee Mon 06-Nov-17 07:30:28

Good luck OP. Stay strong.

reachforthestarseveryday Mon 06-Nov-17 07:32:46

Good luck, OP. flowers

Butterymuffin Mon 06-Nov-17 07:32:48

Good for you OP. I hope you're on the way to a better life now. Everyone posting in relationships should read this. flowers

ALittleBitConfused1 Mon 06-Nov-17 07:58:54

I'm getting there, each day is different. I just wished I'd trusted my gut, but there's nothing I can do about that now.
If anything though I know I'm going to walk out the otherwise different, stronger but different, just not sure if it's a good different or a bad different. Some days I seem to feel nothing,, others I feel everyrhing.

swampytiggaa Mon 06-Nov-17 08:01:00

You are so brave x good luck for your amazing new future x

Ijustlovefood Mon 06-Nov-17 08:03:04

Stay strong OP. You're life really will get better now you are out of this relationship. Gradually you will find yourself again over time and become happy again.

CamperVamp Mon 06-Nov-17 08:13:03

*They don't change
They will damage you
They will try to destroy you
Take back the control by loving yourself more than your abuser hates you
They are incapable of love or change
They will hurt you
They will become violent
There is nothing you can do to fix them
They will take you bit by bit until there's nothing left*

This should be pinned on to the Relationship board, the home page, everywhere.

The problem is though, that as you found out, abusers play a multi-tactic game, and the very fact that you have been abused takes away your capacity to rescue yourself.

Don’t beat yourself up, it wasn’t your fault, you have every right to hold your head high.

Good luck OP!

ALittleBitConfused1 Mon 06-Nov-17 08:34:39

The moment his verbal abuse stooped controlling me, is when he got physically violent. I knew at that point it was over.
His verbal agreesive outbursts had escalated and become so frequent so quickly that I knew if I didn't do something now that would only get worse too.
The first time they lay their hands on you is never the last, it just becomes a more effective way of getting what they want.
I had to take the control back for my sanity. He said I was crazy, I was heading in that direction because of his mind games. I didn't know left from right up from down, and yet he could still make it my fault.

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