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Can anyone talk me through what might happen - X being prosecuted

(7 Posts)
WheresMaHairyToe Sun 05-Nov-17 20:09:50

I got out of a longish abusive relationship in July. He did not live with me, is not the father of my children, and we own no property etc. There are literally no reasons for contact.

Following split, I have done Freedom Programme and realised exactly how bad things were. No physical violence, but coercive control, financial and sexual abuse, emotional abuse, threatening behaviour.

He did/ is doing a bit of stalking. I contacted the police in August and they spoke to him, he continued so he was arrested, and I have just had notification that he is to be prosecuted for harassment.
I did not get a non-molestation order as I do not qualify for legal aid and couldn't afford it.

I am very upset by the whole thing - this is the first time in my life that anything like this has happened, I feel totally out of control. We live in a very small village, so "coincidental" meetings happen far more often than is plausible.

Can anyone share their experiences? I have remained pretty quiet about the whole thing, he has not, so already I am considered to be some kind of heartless drama queen for treating him so badly.

I hope someone can help. I'm feeling dreadful. I was getting through things well, with therapy and really working on self esteem, even dating. This has thrown me back several steps. Possibly even just the fact that other, official people recognise it as harassment/ abuse when so many in my life seem to think it's romantic/ he can't help it etc.

Thanks in advance. x

Mirrormirrorotw Sun 05-Nov-17 20:21:35

Ignore as much as you can. Use the grey rock method. Keep a log of and report all incidents.

verbaIkint Sun 05-Nov-17 20:44:42

Has he been charged and bailed at a Magistrates court? If so then it'll be part of his bail conditions not to contact or go anywhere near you.
If he does then ring the police every time.

verbaIkint Sun 05-Nov-17 20:50:24

And those who think it's romantic tell them to fuck off or least please don't listen to them. Stalking and harassment isn't romantic, it's a CRIME and that's exactly why he is being prosecuted. He can help it and if he truly respected you then he would not be behaving this way.

WheresMaHairyToe Sun 05-Nov-17 21:26:49

Hasn't been bailed yet I don't think. Only got the letter saying they would prosecute a couple of days ago.

It's an awful mess.

Jux Sun 05-Nov-17 21:46:02


Lovemusic33 Sun 05-Nov-17 21:58:47

My ex was arrested for harassment just after Christmas, he was already being questioned for rape but he continued to message, email and phone me. The police took a while to find him but he was arrested New Year's Eve and charged the next day and found guilty in court the day after, I didn't have to attend court as he admitted harassement, he was fined and given a 1 year injunction ( not allowed to come onto my road or contact me in any way ). He has tried to make contact once since and I reported it to the police, I haven't heard anything since.

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