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Too many problems already? Mental health related

(3 Posts)
TarquinsMama Sun 05-Nov-17 13:08:55

I'm struggling to know how to handle this, and would really appreciate some insight.
I met my boyfriend 4 months ago, and we clicked instantly. Totally the same wave length, shared sense of humour, so very easy to talk to, laughing together all the time. I have two young DC so it's not always been easy to meet as often as either of us would like, but always chatting online (both hate talking on the phone), and seeing each other usually about twice a week. Not talked much about the future, it just hasn't come up really - I'm in no rush to do anything like live together etc - but we had planned to go on holiday together this month.

Then this last 6 weeks or so, he's had so very much to deal with (his mum had a heart attack, then his 18 year old daughter had a major crisis which would be too outing to post here, then his house got burgled, then he had a DVT, and then to top it all, a diagnosis of melanoma sad). Prognosis re melanoma is good, but the treatment has knocked him for six. He went very quiet last week, then contacted me apologetically to say he's been hit by a bout of depression and can't face anyone right now.

If we'd been together a couple of years, I'd just instinctively offer as much love and support as I could. I really, really want to do just that right now, but it feels as though I'd be crowding him in these early days of our relationship if I did that. He's fiercely independent and hates to lean on people even when he's struggling.

How the hell do I handle this? He's become so important to me in a pretty short space of time. I've experience of depression myself, and he knows that, so I do "get" the need to withdraw a bit. I just don't know how to support him - so worried about how he's doing, and also really, really missing him even though it's only been a week since I last saw him sad

Can a relatively new relationship survive all this? Does being with me just add another layer of stress and complication to all the stuff he's already dealing with? Should I back off, or will he think I don't care and that his depression has scared me off? So confused and can't see the wood for the trees sad

Poshindevon Sun 05-Nov-17 14:58:20

OP I read your post and then read it again because I dont believe what this man has told you. I know I am being cynical how do you know everything he has told you is true?
I dont think this man wants to see you any more.
Also why would you want to be with someone at outset who has a load of problems and depression.
I know you have become attached to him but I think you need to back off. Four months is very little time to know someone and you were only dating.
These things happen put it down to experience.

TarquinsMama Sun 05-Nov-17 15:35:51

Thanks Posh. I admit to wondering about the truth of all of it too at low moments, but I do know the stuff about his daughter was definitely real - met her plenty of times. Also the burglary was real - seen the aftermath myself. And the health stuff is definitely real too, unless he's lying to all his friends and his kids. As for the depression - I'd be a hypocrite if that put me off when I've had it too. I just don't know. It's been so good til now. We've been pretty honest with each other from early on - it's important to both of us, so I really think he'd just say if he didn't want to be with me any more.

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