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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Getting him out

(13 Posts)
FrustrationNation Sun 05-Nov-17 12:47:45

You guys may or may not remember me from about a week ago, asking if my husband was abusive. I have pulled up my pants, I've got appointments with women's aid and citizens advice.

But how do I get him to leave?!?! Yesterday he tried the "I'll do anything, I'll leave. I'll get medical help". I said OK, do it then. Prove it. Funny enough he hasn't!

It's a joint tenancy, I can't legally kick him out. I know I'll have to try going for an occupation order or settle it through court as divorce. But any tips on how to get him to want to go? Right now it's the only control he's got I think so he's sticking it out.

I don't want to set him off either but it's hell here! Help!

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Sun 05-Nov-17 12:50:43

Well if he said he would go yesterday i'd give him a bit more time to be honest, its hard to find a place and move out in one day, especially a Sunday when the Estate AGents are ususally closed. And he can't get the medical help he said he would today either, because doctors aren't open on Sundays.

ToEarlyForDecorations Sun 05-Nov-17 12:55:03

There are motels, hotels and bed and breakfasts within a ten mile radius of the OP's house.

He could move out today and start looking for somewhere more permanent.

A lot of motels have free wifi he could start looking at rightmove etc.

FrustrationNation Sun 05-Nov-17 13:01:22

His parents have said he could stay in their spare room. He specifically said he'd go today... And he's not.

And as always I'm doing everything and he's just sat doing nothing. Expecting the children to be fed etc

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Sun 05-Nov-17 13:03:12

oh Dear. Well if he said he would go and he hasn't then there isn't an awful lot you can do to make him to be honest.

What about you moving instead? Would that be an option

Aperolspritzer123 Sun 05-Nov-17 13:06:51

Why don't you tell him that the only hope for your relationship is if he leaves and gives you some space. Then when he's gone change the locks. I know he has a right to be there as it's a joint tenancy but if there is abuse then the Police will remove him if he comes round kicking off. I know this as my Domestic abuse counsellor advised me to do that.

FrustrationNation Mon 06-Nov-17 13:24:37

That might be worth a try, will see if I can get it to come up. If I try and raise things he goes off and won't listen so it's a delicate balance!

hellsbellsmelons Mon 06-Nov-17 13:30:32

I hope you aren't doing his washing or ironing or cooking or cleaning etc...?????

ALittleBitConfused1 Mon 06-Nov-17 13:50:48

He has no intention of going. He has no intention of getting help. It's all part of the game, telling you what you need to hear.

MotherofTerriers Mon 06-Nov-17 13:56:05

He probably has no intention of leaving - so you need a plan b of terminating the lease and finding somewhere else
But if you can convince him that his best chance of the two of you staying together is for him to move out, then he might go
You may have to be blunt- he said he'd go yesterday, offer to help him pack?

Joysmum Mon 06-Nov-17 14:07:53

Are you still within a fixed period tenancy or on a rolling tenancy? I’m assuming it’s an AST in England too so my advice is based on this assumption.

If it’s a rolling tenancy you could explain your position and ask the landlord if they would be prepared to take you as a sole tenant. If they would then you need to give written notice to your landlord of at least one complete month from when your last payment was to end the tenancy. EG if you pay on the 1st of each month and give notice today then (unless your landlord gives permission to end it sooner) your tenancy would end on last day of December.

If you pay on 7th of each month you could give written notice today and the tenancy would end 6th December.

Beware though to make sure your landlord is willing to start and new tenancy with just you as sole tenant. Many want as many people on the agreement as possible to make getting their rent more likely or may want a guarantor. Expect that it would require a brand new agreement including going through checkout with the inventory, refunding deposits and submitting a new deposit to go to the deposit scheme for the new tenancy, credit checks etc and may require fees to be paid to set up the new tenancy. It may not, but check with your landlord/agent just in case.

One person giving notice ends the tenancy even if the other isn’t in agreement and the landlord can then give notice to any joint tenants and evict if required. What happens really does depend on the attitude of your landlord/agent do it’s worth an informal chat to find out what might be possible before you do anything.

FrustrationNation Mon 06-Nov-17 17:42:03

Thanks everyone, unfortunately the landlord is not willing to remove either one of us. It's housing association. I've got literally no where to go so I have no idea what to do!

And no, no household tasks being done for him at all!

MrsBertBibby Mon 06-Nov-17 18:00:03

The court can transfer a HA tenancy, but only when you have decree Nisi.

Start divorce proceedings, and apply under the Family Law Act 1996 for transfer of tenancy in form D50B.

Don't waste time trying to persuade him, he doesn't want to go.

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