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Does this mean after years, I have finally figured out how to date or have I become a tin man?

10 replies

cupcakesmakeyouhappy · 05/11/2017 12:19

I have spent a few lovely dates with a guy and then I was invited to his for food. We slept together and I felt it was a lovely evening. I haven't heard from him since and...I'm actually ok about it. How weird!
I have dated on and off over the years and had many experiences completely knocking my confidence. Always thinking it was me. It's like I half expect this to happen now. Like I put up a barrier. I have questioned, second guessed, been more confident, been less, done absolutely everything I feel we should be doing which is inside the 'rule book' of dating. I even threw out the rule book. I have had time out of dating. You name it I have done it.
Now...I feel like I have no emotion. Is this normal. If this had happened to me a couple of years ago I would be beating myself up every day since. All I feel is 'oh well'. It's not that I didn't like him because I did.
Is this a good thing?

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TammyswansonTwo · 05/11/2017 13:09

I think it is a good thing. Sounds like your eyes being pragmatic and rolling with the punches. Doesn't mean you're now incapable of emotion, you're just not letting your emotkons run away with themselves. Seems sensible to me.

And it really is his loss, right? Onwards and upwards!

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HotNatured · 05/11/2017 13:22

I think it sounds like you have developed a strong sense of self esteem, which helps when others reject us. When you have solid self esteem, it's such a good base to be able to deal with bad behaviour from others, it helps to dust ourselves off and think 'their loss'. Your reaction sounds v healthy to me. It's exactly how I would react if in the same position as you.

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Wiggles9408 · 05/11/2017 13:32

Yeah this could go one of two ways really, if you have confidence and self esteem and respect yourself then your feelings of ‘ah well’ are extremely normal, you’re not bothered because if this guys ghosted on you then you’re just like ‘he’s clearly not the one so who cares’ and you’re not letting yourself get hung up over it. On the other hand if you feel low or like you’ve got little self esteem this could be a feeling of ‘this is what I deserve so I don’t feel bothered’

I don’t believe it’s the latter, you seem very self aware and seem to know who you are and now what you want SO just roll with it :) no skin off your nose as he’s the one losing out!

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cupcakesmakeyouhappy · 05/11/2017 18:34

Oh wow! These messages were lovely to read :) thankyou so much.
Yes, I think I have finally mastered it and I think I'm finally confident being me.
Men can be so rude though. I told my friend this afternoon and she was saying if it were her she would want to text to tell him how rude. I actually don't! I know I was just me so, yes, his loss! I was wondering if I was losing emotion but now, I think after reading here, I haven't.

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IL0veCl0thes · 05/11/2017 18:37

I know what you mean. I no longer care.

Had my hopes raised for nothing so many times I feel nothing now.

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Wanderwall · 05/11/2017 18:40

Think it’s called resilience? Well done. I reckon it comes with age and experience.

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cupcakesmakeyouhappy · 05/11/2017 18:50

The only sad thing, I feel is that I kind of expect it. Like there's no trust. I'm always cautious, as I was this time. A small part of me wants to believe that...this time It's different...this time they'l hang around. I suppose I cant quite get my head around is how they can be so disrespectful or maybe this is what to expect nowadays!

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Wiggles9408 · 06/11/2017 23:46

THATS a completely normal, rational thought process OP and you’ve answered your own question, so you’re resilient against the people that prove to you they aren’t worth your time ( like this guy ) he’s showed his true colours that he’s rude and you’re reaction isn’t to break down or judge yourself on his actions or pine after someone that’s with diddly squat, you’ve dusted yourself off and are moving on... however that doesn’t mean you don’t hold out hope for things to work out, showing that you’re totally capable of emotions but you’re not wasting your emotions on people that don’t deserve them. You will find someone that it will irk out with, they won’t ‘stick around’ they’ll be there every step through free will and wanting!

Men can be rather disrespectful but only a few of them, get back out there and meet someone new and exciting!

Good luck OP!

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numbmum83 · 07/11/2017 00:21

This is why I just think "what's the point of dating anymore ?"
My friend has said the same , it's almost like men have stopped wanting rships so now it's almost like we expect them to act a certain way and not give a shit .
I don't know where all these men are that are looking for dates because I hardly find any and if they do suggest a date , it's for "dvds and cuddles " on the sofa ..
Go Away !