Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

My partner of 10 years just finished it, what do I do... what to start form....

(11 Posts)
kiki69 Sat 04-Nov-17 22:38:47

we have 7 year old son. It hasn't been great between us for some time but, I did not quite expect that. It transpires he just doesn't have any feelings left for me.... I'm heartbroken as I wasn't happy myself but I thought It's worth to try and fix it. He's not interested. I don't know if there is anyone else involved, I don't think so, but this wouldn't surprise me either. I realise my position is shit, 5 years ago we bought house together (both names on the deeds, but it was his savings) I resigned then from work to look after the ds as both of us couldn't commute to London to work full time (and he had better job) when we moved 5 years ago. So now I work as freelance earning around 7k, he makes 60 k and pays the bills. I don't have access to his money but know he's got around 20k in savings I realise I don't have any claim to this money. I'm not from Uk originally, he proposed to me to go back to my country sort my career (I don't have any anymore) and leave my son behind. It's seems like he just want me out of picture asap. I feel broken any wisdom in this situation would be much appreciated.

redexpat Sun 05-Nov-17 08:31:17

I think you need some legal advice - about house ownership, and any benefits you may be entitled to. Im sorry I cant be any more help.

grobagsforever Sun 05-Nov-17 08:40:10

Hi OP. So sorry you're going through this. You need urgent legal advice. Use the CMS calculator and also entitled to calculator to work out what you will have to live on. You are entitled to half the house unless you specified something different when you bought it. Don't fall into the trap of remaining responsible for all school runs etc so that you are stuck earning 7k forever while his career flourishes and he has weekend access. State now that fifty percent of weekday childcare is on him as you will be looking for a role to secure your financial future.

Otherwise in a few years you'll be struggling financially, topping up with benefits etc and have no freedom while he has a brand new life.

Please do not fall into this trap.

kiki69 Sun 05-Nov-17 12:53:17

Thank you, I just can't stop crying.... it's breaking my heart hearing ds playing and laughing not realising life as he know falling in pieces.
I need to hear that everything will be ok. That I will be ok. I'm trying to focus on practical stuff, will have to look into appointment with solicitor.
Ideally I would like to stay in family home with my son, our mortgage is lower than shitty 2 bed flat in the area, but I'm not sure it will be possible, I'm pretty sure he will try to screw me financially.
I always realised my weak position and it was one of the reasons I felt quite resentful towards his.
As a back story he always was very protective over "his" money. But I felt I'm doing the best for the family outing on hold my own security and ambitions. ( how stupid - I suppose I will have to learn hard way). It always was a big thing - him working and paying all the bills and being under such a pressure, which I understood to a degree. Then about two years ago, he become depressed, I offered to split then if that's something that would made him happier, but he declined, started medication and things got better. Few months ago I realised that he self dosing his depression pills. ( was taking one a week, every few days or wherever he felt like it). Last few weeks he started to being more and more withdrawn from family life, completely ignoring me and our son, just not interested in anything. I thought it was his illness but it seems now like it was strategy to get out. Yet he didn't have courage to say anything, yesterday I was the one who started conversation and he admitted immediately that he was thinking about it. I suggest therapy but it was declined as it would just prolonged things, and he doesn't think he can change - which means that he made decision already does it?
I'm sorry for all this rambling, it probably doesn't make lot of sense I just need to get this out and I don't have anyone in rl to talk to, I'm not sure I'm ready for that.
Thanks for reading

Bibbidee Sun 05-Nov-17 13:13:24

OP, has he said:

'I love you, but I'm not in love with you?'

Bibbidee Sun 05-Nov-17 13:15:51

I should have also said I'm so sorry you're going through this. I did too and it was horrendous. 💐

expatinscotland Sun 05-Nov-17 13:17:48

'I'm not from Uk originally, he proposed to me to go back to my country sort my career (I don't have any anymore) and leave my son behind. '

Oh, fuck him off with that! Please tell me you have the legal right to live in the UK in your own right.

kiki69 Sun 05-Nov-17 15:32:52

Bibeedee, no thank god he saved me this crap, instead "of course he loves me and cares about me" ( not enough to put bit of effort though)...

kiki69 Sun 05-Nov-17 15:37:38

Scotland, I know...I was left speechless, he never ever done a single school run or took day of to look after him when ill. I'm from UE county been in the Uk over 10 years so I think I do have a right to be here, however with brexit and me working as a freelance for the last few years - who knows.

kiki69 Sun 05-Nov-17 15:42:07

I have asked him to stay with relative for time being, until he figures out what he wants, but he didn't respond to it, just brushed it of, like he does with everything. I think it would be easier if he would go, would be more real I suppose.

grobagsforever Sun 05-Nov-17 17:53:29

Given you're not married your right to remain in the U.K. isn't dependant on him anyway surely?

You'll be ok. Get the solicitor appointment and start looking how to increase your income. Do not leave family home.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now