What's wrong with me

[Screamer1]

Me and Dp have 2 young children (1 and 3). Dp is amazing, caring, hands on etc. But recently I've been feeling so annoyed with everything he does. I feel so tightly wound and irritable all the time. We both work really hard and have little time for each other, but quite frankly at the moment I don't feel like spending any time with him anyway. Once I've done my work and looked after the children etc I just want to zone out on my own.

It's so bad. We haven't had sex in ages. Both children were hard to conceive (the first was via IVF). The most recent occasion we had sex (almost the first time since having my second baby), I became pregnant with twins. This was obviously a complete shock after our fertility issues and after much discussion and heartbreak we decided to terminate.

I don't want to have sex, I don't want to cuddle. I'm not depressed. But I'm sitting her nearly in tears because I'm worried about what this means to our relationship and how we can put it right. We have barely any time to spend together without the children because one or other of us will be working.

[MrsOverTheRoad]

OP it sounds like fallout from your termination. Did you have counselling?

[Screamer1]

I didn't have counselling. I didn't feel like I needed it and tbh the sex issue preceeds the termination. We've probably had sex twice in the year since having our second baby. One of those times I got pregnant.

I just feel like I can't be bothered with it all.

[millifiori]

You're worn out and a massive number of people feel exactly as you do at this point in childrearing. It's why so many marriages fail when the second child is under school age.

I can't tell you what will work for you but can say what worked for us, in case it helps, and hope other people will too.

First, have as much fun as you can as a family. Go out together once every single weekend, even if only for half a day, doing something that you all enjoy - park, zoo, woods, seaside, funfair etc. Try and cement the family together and have fun.

Go out as a couple but not to dinner. Dinner is disastrous when you're both knackered and feel like you have nothing in common. Start making experiences in common again. We started going to gigs (LOVED doing this, made us feel like teenagers again) and to comedy nights (good) and to the theatre (good and increasingly affordable these days). It meant we had stuff to look forward to together, stuff to enjoy together, happy recent memories together. That, for me, recreated a sense of affection and attraction.

[MrsOverTheRoad]

Great advice from Milli she's right too...it's GRINDING work and does really play havoc with your relationship.

When I look back to the toddler years, DH and I had some very tough times...it's amazing we got through it but we did.

We didn't go out every weekend as we just couldn't afford it but we did start gardening together...doing something as a couple, even gardening in our case, helped so much.

Walking together somewhere helps a lot. Is there any chance of babysitter?

[millifiori]

Oh yes, going for walks together and as a family helped loads. It's fun to be in the wild. DC are cute when they get muddy and squeal with excitement at squirrels or fir cones. It gives you a chance to enjoy life for a few hours.

[Screamer1]

Thank you so much for the advice. Your comment about going to dinner when tired is so true. We need to think about done other activities we can do. It's tough going at the moment!