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Bit of a long rant ....

(10 Posts)
melissam96 Sat 04-Nov-17 21:09:15

I feel like this may turn into a rant... I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years on and off now, we have the most amazing 15 month old daughter together. But, our relationship hasn't always been straightforward.

Our problems started a few years ago early in our relationship, he was chatting up other girls. This wasn't too much of an issue as it was still early days, but since then I've discovered he has met up with a few of them in the past.. It's never went past more than kissing, according to him. He's also been saving pictures of girls on facebook, all of which are really skinny, full of make-up and just a bit fake which he always says that he absolutely hates and isn't his type.

When I found out that I was pregnant it was a massive shock and it was fair to say he wasn't overly happy about it. This put a huge strain on our relationship and he never contributed anything at all towards things for our daughter. He then lost his job while I was pregnant and only got a new job a few weeks before I gave birth - a job which he then lost 7/8 months later. He's been unemployed since before Mother's Day this year and recently started working in a warehouse for Christmas. He's only just started and doesn't like to talk about his work or anyone he's met.

My gut told me there was something a bit strange so I looked on his facebook - I know snooping never solves anything but I seen messages he sent to his new guy friend at work saying he was going to try get a christmas romance on the go with one of the girls in the warehouse.... Who he had started to message on facebook, the messages all seem innocent so far. The thing is I feel so confused, he has been telling his best friend who is a mutual friend of mine that he really loves me and wants our relationship to work but yet he doesn't show me in any way that he wants to work things out.

The thought of splitting up makes me feel sad but then again I feel stupid for sticking with him?

I grew up in a broken home and I feel like this has affected me in a major way. I don't want my daughter to grow up in a broken home, I need some advice? What do I do? How do I get over the crap he has done?

Or if I end it... how do I get over him? sad

smokinhotchilli Sat 04-Nov-17 21:15:10

What are you actually getting from this relationship?

My ex was a bit like this. I broke up with him when my daughter was 15 months old.

Our 'broken home' is a happy home.
It was more broken when we stayed together trying to make it work.

melissam96 Sat 04-Nov-17 21:42:55

It seems a bit silly but he was my first proper look at a relationship, when it's good it amazing. Although, I don't really remember when it was last good.

I think I may be holding onto the guy I thought he was...

smokinhotchilli Sat 04-Nov-17 21:49:02

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

He's shown you that he wants to meet other women.

You're stronger than you think.

melissam96 Sat 04-Nov-17 21:50:50

How did you end things? I just feel like he's very good at talking me round.

smokinhotchilli Sat 04-Nov-17 22:04:11

I was direct & I told him it wasn't working for me because of X,Y & Z.

I told him that I didn't want our child growing up in a house where there's animosity & negativity.

He agreed & moved out.

I cried for about a day & felt sensational after.

melissam96 Sat 04-Nov-17 22:10:50

I feel like I just need to grow a set and get it over with.

I just feel sad for what I feel like we had. Maybe I'm just a bit delusional and need to learn to let go. Just feel like I have no one.

smokinhotchilli Sat 04-Nov-17 22:38:48

Have you spoken to friends or family at all?

No lonelier place than a dying relationship.

You deserve better.

melissam96 Sat 04-Nov-17 22:45:28

I don't really have many friends - their lives are all about partying and just enjoying themselves. My life moved onto a different place when I had my little girl.

I've tried talking to family but they've never really liked him anyway? I just can't help but feel had I listened to them in the first place my life would be different. But then again, I wouldn't have my beautiful little girl.

BackInTheRoom Sun 05-Nov-17 00:29:46

'*I grew up in a broken home and I feel like this has affected me in a major way.* I don't want my daughter to grow up in a broken home

Over 50% of marriages end in divorce so there's a lot of people out there in a similar position, it's sad 😕

'*How do I get over the crap he has done?*'

You sever the relationship because you cannot put up with his deceit, it's only going to get worse. It isn't you though, it's him, he's a cake eater (Google Chumplady).

'*how do I get over him?*'

Go 'no contact'. Only discuss your DC, nothing else and remind yourself about how deceptive he is. Btw it does get easier the less you talk to them as in the less you listen to their bullshit. Good luck 💐

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