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OLD and younger guys

(13 Posts)
commutergirl22 Sat 04-Nov-17 10:25:03

Ok so I’m dipping my toe into OLD after my marriage ended last year and feeling a bit naive about the dating rules. In particular I’ve had quite a few younger guys contact me (I’m early 40s, they’re in their 30s). I am told I look a fair bit younger than my age (not sure if I agree tbh), but I’m naturally suspicious about why they would contact me. They’re the guys I’ve connected with most chatting online, seem really nice and want to meet up. I’m not necessarily looking for anything serious, but don’t want to be played either and am very conscious of all the older woman/MILF stereotypes that might be running through their heads.
Curious if anyone else has experienced this with OLD and if the general consensus is they’re nice guys or just wanting an ‘older woman’ experience!

Trills Sat 04-Nov-17 10:35:57

Are you interested in them?

If you're not, the rest is irrelevant.

The first thing you have to remember about OLD is not to get caught up in "do they want me?" and forget that you also get to decide whether you want them.

commutergirl22 Sat 04-Nov-17 10:45:36

Thanks trills. Yeah, they seem nice and we’re getting on well online. I’m definitely going into it with open eyes and no expectations of it other than having a hopefully nice date. I guess if they’re not genuine it will show up quickly enough when we meet.

Biddylee Sat 04-Nov-17 16:10:20

I'm in my mid-40s, recently dated someone 9 years younger - was alright. Ask him on the second date about why he would choose an older woman. His answer seemed fine. If you like them, then ask them why they are dating you.

MollyWantsACracker Sat 04-Nov-17 16:14:08

Problem is if you actually go into a relationship, you both fall in love without entirely meaning to and it ends when he panics about “the future”. This is not a fun experience.
Be careful.

Wh1stles Sat 04-Nov-17 16:18:01

I had a relationship with a man only 3 years younger and it felt like no age gap at all to me but when he was 43 he was thinking of settling down, like, properly, with a woman young enough to have children. He's on line now shaving about 4 years off his age and messaging 30 year olds. HE TOLD ME THIS. Because I guess, what with me being so much older confused I couldn't possibly be hurt by that, I couldn't possibly have ever thought we would be a real thing, what with him being three years younger.

userxx Sat 04-Nov-17 16:30:26

Wh1stles - what a cock. Just so unnecessary!!!

Op, just go for it, try not to be too suspicious, some men prefer slightly older ladies. I was told by a younger man that the full on heavy makeup look that his age group of women wear (obviously not all of them) just didn't do it for him, he prefers the more natural look.

tsonlyme Sat 04-Nov-17 16:38:18

I had quite a bit of this when I was dating and I always asked why because I wasn’t especially interested in anyone under 40 (I’m 48). They usually said that women their age were superficial, were looking for rich men and they preferred women with more experience, in the bedroom I assumed 🙄

I had one guy in his early 20s offer to come round and do my housework naked. I nearly took him up on it because I couldn’t be arsed to do the hoovering 😁

I’m now dating a guy who is six years younger with no issues in that department but he doesn’t want more children which I think might be future sticking point further down the line in many cases.

Biddylee Sat 04-Nov-17 17:51:29

Yep - I think it's the children issue you have to watch out for.

WinchestersInATardis Sat 04-Nov-17 18:02:40

I'm in my forties and also get messages from younger guys. I think there is a milf fantasy for a few but I think for those who aren't looking for anything serious, older women are often seen as a good option because we're often not interested in marriage and kids because we've already done it.
They also (rightly or wrongly) think older women are more sexually confident and experienced.
Obviously, this is a massive generalisation but it fits my experience of dating younger men.

Be3Al2Si6O18 Sat 04-Nov-17 18:15:50

If not looking for anything serious and not wanting to be played, what exactly are you looking for?

Whatever it is, I wonder why you are starting with age? That is going to prejudice your outcome and experiences. At least three posters above are saying similar.

When you meet someone, you feel your way. We (that is men and women) all come packaged up in our own particular way, but the whole point it you slowly unwrap the packaging and see whether what is unfolding is what you want or not.

The age is secondary and has no bearing on what you find beneath (unless there are specific issues like having children but the man is too old etc). If what you find beneath works, then it works. There is no need to prove it, justify it, or scientifically diagnose it. Bumble bees can fly though they are proven not to be able to.

If it works it works. The age is secondary.

Thrillofit Sat 04-Nov-17 18:21:33

I find a lot of young men online like the older woman but assume it is a sexual fantasy. I also had one who offered to be my slave from massaging my feet to carrying the shopping confused. He's still online so don't know if he has had any takers.

I did meet one guy who was much younger than me and I must say he was very nice and intelligent and good company. He wanted to join me and my friends on a night out after that so he didn't seem bothered about the age difference but I was.

User452734838 Sat 04-Nov-17 18:27:13

Doesn't matter if older or younger. There are lots of men on OLD who could potentially play you!

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