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Boyfriend has read message but not replied....

(14 Posts)
Trailblazer66 Sat 04-Nov-17 00:25:45

My boyfriend has been a bit distant all week, not messaging as much. I was getting really anxious thinking I had done something wrong or that he'd gone off me which is stupid as I know he just sometimes gets bogged down with work. I was trying to relax and was giving him space by not messaging much but then he randomly messaged me asking me if I was angry with him. I reassured him that I wasn't angry and apologised for not being in touch much. I explained I was just worried about pestering him too much. He said "ok, good. Just had this feeling you were a bit off with me xxx". He then said he'd been having a rubbish week and was getting really stressed because he had so much to do. We are supposed to be meeting up with my friends and my mum on Saturday for my birthday and it's the first time that he's meeting them. I understand it's a big step and he's got a lot going on so I said if it was going to be too much for him I'd understand if he wanted to cancel. He replied saying that it should be ok and that he wanted to see me. So we then discussed plans. I then said I might go and see Thor in the afternoon before meeting up with my friends and mum and he asked to come with me so he was basically choosing to extend the amount of time he would be spending with me. He then admitted that he's really anxious about meeting my friends and my mum and I tried to reassure him and outlined a jokey plan for the day. He said "that sounds nice xxx". He then sent me a photo of him smiling and said he wished I was there with him. Then we said goodnight.

Today I've heard nothing from him again but I've been busy and I know he's probably been busy too. So I sent him a message asking him which showing of Thor suits him best on Saturday with a photo of the times so that I could plan the rest of my day. He's read the message but not replied and I'm now panicking again. It's really unlike him to read a message and not reply. After a couple of hours I sent him another message asking if he was ok and he's not read this message. He does go to bed really early as he works ridiculous hours but he read my first message at 17:49. In fairness I haven't seen him online since then but I'm still feeling really worried.

Do you think I should be worried? I know meeting my mum and friends is a big step which is why I gave him the option to back out but he chose not to and then asked to see Thor with me too.

I just can't help but think really negatively about it because I can't see why you'd read a message and not reply? I'm not sure why I'm getting so anxious because he's always consistent and never lets me down. He will occasionally go a bit quiet but only when work gets on top of him and then he will be even more attentive afterwards. But I can't see any positive reason for reading a message, with an obvious question in it, and not reply.

MissConductUS Sat 04-Nov-17 01:23:25

I think that this is a case of over reliance on texting . Can you call him and speak to him? You get so much more information that way.

cherrycola2004 Sat 04-Nov-17 07:47:17

Loads of reasons to read and not reply. I’m guilty of that when busy. I think calling is the best way, leave a message if no answer.

Hope he’s been in touch now and you all have a good day.

TartWithTheCart35 Sat 04-Nov-17 10:41:07

This is why I hate these messenger apps...you can see when messages read, on line and sends you into a frenzy when they are online and not texting!!

Shakey15000 Sat 04-Nov-17 10:50:46

With respect, you are totally overthinking this.

Mum4Fergus Sat 04-Nov-17 10:52:01

Good grief, Just phone and speak to him!

Sancerresanwine Sat 04-Nov-17 10:53:33

Turn off the last seen function in your privacy settings. Your mental health and your relationship will thank you flowers

Oly5 Sat 04-Nov-17 10:55:51

Just sit tight and he will get in touch. You’re overthinking

LemonShark Sat 04-Nov-17 10:56:22

Just a heads up the OP has another thread going with much more/up to date info on it about this situation.

MissConductUS Sat 04-Nov-17 11:03:35

Lemon can you post the link to the other thread?

YoloSwaggins Sat 04-Nov-17 11:04:30

But I can't see any positive reason for reading a message, with an obvious question in it, and not reply.

I do this all the time. Why should I drop what I'm doing and reply to anyone?

TheVanguardSix Sat 04-Nov-17 11:06:59

I think he's probably bricking himself a bit, probably doesn't really fancy the whole 'meet the family' thing.

OP, I'm married with three kids and a day with the in-laws, who are really lovely and loving people, gives me anxiety leading up to it. Is your BF a bit of an introvert? I get anxious about social situations then I'm alright on the night and end up being the last to leave a party. confused

I think this: Give him rope. Give him 'me time'. I'm like this. I adore DH but I've always needed my own headspace. If that's how your BF is, don't be threatened at all. He'll come through for you but let him pace himself.

Cool off on the needy texting. Let him work his way through the anxiety of meeting your family. It's normal not to be totally thrilled about this.

Dobbyandme Sat 04-Nov-17 11:37:19

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3077863-Help-understanding-this-text-please?pg=4&order=

Other thread for those asking.

TartWithTheCart35 Sat 04-Nov-17 12:01:02

How many threads have you got going OP? I've just read another one as well about your bf. Not sure how to attach link but just search username.

I feel for your bf with all these issues, but if you're having to turn to MN every time he doesn't text then this is not the relationship you want to be in. End it for the sake of your own mental health op.

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