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Married and attracted to another man

(43 Posts)
cripeystripey Fri 03-Nov-17 22:44:54

I am married, but have found myself to be really attracted to a colleague. I will never act on this. It is purely a sexual attraction. Is this normal? What should I do?

Greedynan Fri 03-Nov-17 22:50:21

Yes it's normal. Just dont act on the attraction. That's all it is. And it will pass 😊

cripeystripey Fri 03-Nov-17 22:52:30

Thank you wine

Topnotes Fri 03-Nov-17 22:53:46

This happens to me too from time to time. Wish it didn't

Freshfaced85 Fri 03-Nov-17 23:03:33

Thank god it's not just me. Would never act on I but find myself very attracted to a colleague. Tbh I think it's more to do with me wanting to feel attractive and worth something after a tough few years in my marriage.

McBounty Fri 03-Nov-17 23:09:53

OP, I am currently going through this.
DH have hit a rough patch in our marriage and I have found myself very much attracted to a man at my church.

I can't stop wracking my brain about it, because not only do I feel disloyal to my DH, but I feel disloyal to God too.

I of course, would ever act on it either. But I guess I just wanted to reassure you that you aren't on your own.

Ohyesiam Sat 04-Nov-17 09:25:58

Totally normal. Really watch yourself, you'll light up inside when there's contact with him, and it's really hard not to let a little of that leak out.

Greencan Sat 04-Nov-17 10:02:25

I think the key is never taking the friendship outside of work - no contact outside work, no social things that aren’t in big groups. This will keep you on safe ground until it goes away

Peanutbuttercheese Sat 04-Nov-17 10:07:14

What's the state of your marriage like? If it's a passing thought that's one thing but if you start to imagine doing stuff together that's sort of companionship type of stuff that's not good.

Cringe9876 Sat 04-Nov-17 10:23:21

I’m in the same situation, full on cringe worthy crush. Struggling with it to be honest.

cripeystripey Sat 04-Nov-17 11:49:56

My marriage is wonderful. No problems at all. I think it is definitely a lust thing. It gives me butterflies when I think of him, but I know it will pass.

Greedynan Sat 04-Nov-17 12:03:06

I think it's really common. I've been there and I don't doubt that my husband has too. Enjoy it for what it is - an attraction. Don't allow it to become anything more. There may well be others over the years that catch your eye. I think that by experiencing these attractions but not acting upon them in anyway can actually reinforce the sense of commitment you have made to you DH xx

jeaux90 Sat 04-Nov-17 13:27:04

When I get this I try and be logical about it. I think about what the attraction really means and then I think about biology and that its all down to wanting to breed with someone who is genetically compatible.

That usually takes the wind out of my sails grin

BulletFox Sat 04-Nov-17 13:31:43

Completely normal, it's chemical, and yes it passes.

Don't feel guilty but try to focus on other things grin

SJM72 Sun 05-Nov-17 08:05:42

Crushes are cruel. They can come from nowhere as well.

Ive got a massive crush on someone I work with. The strange thing is that I've worked with them for eight years and never really looked twice. That all changed A few months ago when I happened to glance over one day in a meeting and for some bizarre and unknown reason I thought 'wow!' and I've been like a starry eyed smitten teenager ever since.

It's just physical though and like everyone says, it'll pass.

Kr1st1na Sun 05-Nov-17 08:28:57

Yes totally normal . And I agree that the key to surviving it is not having ANY social contact at all. So no coffees or lunches together, justified on the basis that we are “ just friends “. No texting or private chit chats.

Because that’s a short cut to an affair.

SadFaceSmiley Sun 05-Nov-17 08:33:10

I wonder if men are aware that their (female) partner may find another man attractive when theyve made commitments in their marriage/relationship.

Kr1st1na Sun 05-Nov-17 08:47:09

No, I’m sure that all men believe that once they are married they will never every find another woman attractive again hmm

ScruffbagsRUs Sun 05-Nov-17 08:49:43

I was in the same boat as you, OP. I did have social contact outside of the club we both attended, but we didn't act on anything. We made a pact that although we were attracted to each other, our friendship was worth far more than the possibility of a relationship and a split.

We're still great friends to this day and sound off each other for advice with a cuppa and a catch up.

That said, most of my friends are male anyway, as I was brought up with boys (I was the only girl out of 6 siblings), loved all the stuff boys did like helping to fix dad's car, etc. So I had more in common with men than I did with women.

Talk to me about motorbikes/cars/tools etc and I'm interested. Talk to me about getting nails done/facials/spa days/boob jobs, and watch my eyes glaze over with boredom.

ScruffbagsRUs Sun 05-Nov-17 08:51:13

Sorry OP, I went off on a bit of a tangent there grin.

As you were wink

SadFaceSmiley Sun 05-Nov-17 09:17:57

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

itsallgoodinthepud Mon 20-Nov-17 17:31:18

I’m glad I’m not the only one. wine

Hernameisdeborah Mon 20-Nov-17 20:01:43

Name changed for this as it is a bit embarrassing but I have had a major crush on a work colleague for over a year. I am married, he is very happily married to a beautiful woman and they have gorgeous children. I limit how often I talk to him due to this crush, I certainly never flirt with him and I would definitely never in a million years act on this infatuation. But he is so lovely, kind, clever and so passionate about his job, which I find really attractive. His obvious love for his family is adorable, but I felt stupidly jealous at the sight of he and his wife being very lovey dovey at a recent work do. Aaaarrrrgggghhhhh why are some people so bloody perfect! I do sympathise with your crush OP, I just want mine to go away!

McBounty Mon 20-Nov-17 21:40:18

Hername -

Oh, I really do feel for you.

DH and I separated almost 2 weeks ago and this other guy and I speak daily. DH is desperate to sort things, but the feelings between this other guy and I are clouding the situation. I feel like an absolutely ass hole! The simple truth is, I was completely miserable in my marriage and this other guy was meeting my emotional needs!

Wintersnow17 Mon 20-Nov-17 22:03:33

Hi my DP had affair with OW at his work. It's awful. I think we could have worked it out if he let it pass.Don't act on it, think of others involved.

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