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Lack of resilience

(2 Posts)
Laidbackorlazy Fri 03-Nov-17 22:19:10

Can anyone identify with this, or offer any ideas to help?
I was badly bullied at primary school & it took me a long time to get over. I have a good life, lovely dh, close friends though it takes me a long time to make them.
My problem is not with me, but with my ds's. When it comes to any friendship wobbles or arguments, I have literally no resilience and I pretty much collapse into a heap of anxiety and catastrophising. i can tell myself as many times as I like that it's not so serious & these things happen, but i can't believe it, and get stuck imagining all sorts of bullying, isolation and hurt being inflicted on them.
I try very hard not to let them see this, and keep it all very breezy. But I don't know how best to advise them on how to deal with friendship problems, and I don't know how to become more rational and less anxious about it.
I was always a dreadful appeaser, and wouldn't stand up for myself. I still don't, I just run from confrontation and I still feel like people take the piss out of me at times. How do I teach my boys to be assertive, and resilient, when I'm so incapable of it myself?
It all sounds trivial now I've written it down, but as they get older & friendships more complicated it's becoming a real problem for me.
Can anyone relate? I think knowing I'm not the only one who struggles with this would help, and any advice would be so much appreciated.

Bunnychopz Fri 03-Nov-17 22:24:52

I’ve learnt that I can be assertive and polite.

With good friends you just need to trust that they know your heart. And they will. They will know if you hold malice or intend to be hurtful or are kind.

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