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How would you feel?

(61 Posts)
aftertheevent Fri 03-Nov-17 20:36:47

Went for lunch today with h who can be a bit of a mansplainer. Anyway went for lunch to lovely country inn. There he was offering me advise on what I should drink and how I should act at work. Bit bored of it really and I think it showed.
On way home somehow the conversation got to insecurities and he decided to tell me I was insecure about my looks out of the blue. Out of nowhere we had been discussing work and I have just been promoted.
Well I wasn't best pleased as I am just about recovered from his cheating with much younger women some time ago...years in fact...and Ive only just managed to regain my confidence in all areas of my life.
When I explained that was a low blow he began talking about how good I looked for my age so I said stop you are making it worse he began raising his voice telling me that I should not be upset. Phew.
Bloody hell wouldn't you be?
I have to admit looks are important to me but only because I enjoy all the fun of it. He is sooooo patronising.

Mooncuplanding Fri 03-Nov-17 20:39:46

He sounds a real delight 😶

Do you have children?

BlueA4Paper Fri 03-Nov-17 20:41:19

What a fucking twat.

aftertheevent Fri 03-Nov-17 20:41:42

Yes but grown up

MyBrilliantDisguise Fri 03-Nov-17 20:42:08

Sounds like you missed an opportunity to explain exactly what an insecure dick he'd been when he was having his affair.

aftertheevent Fri 03-Nov-17 20:42:18

Love you Blue

BlueA4Paper Fri 03-Nov-17 20:42:25

Sorry - how would I feel? Like telling him to do one.

MorrisZapp Fri 03-Nov-17 20:44:55

Oh god are you that couple. If your kids are DS are grown up just tell him to naff off.

aftertheevent Fri 03-Nov-17 20:47:02

Well I feel well pissed off. I told him it was a shit thing to say after all I'd been through. Went out and he shouted Where are you going? Like I was being out of order.

aftertheevent Fri 03-Nov-17 20:48:40

what do you mean Morris? Do tell.

humanfemale Fri 03-Nov-17 20:51:28

Sounds like he’s chipping away at your confidence, either subconsciously or otherwise. You did right to pull him up, but is he really worth it? He sounds like a bit of a dick.

SonicBoomBoom Fri 03-Nov-17 20:53:05

He doesn't respect you much, does he. Or care about your feelings.

In fact, he seems to get a bit of a kick out of knocking you down a peg or two.

BlueA4Paper Fri 03-Nov-17 20:55:12

Sounds like he is aware that he's on wobbly ground given his infidelity and wants to make sure you're insecure enough not to leave him. Sounds like you deserve much better.

expatinscotland Fri 03-Nov-17 20:55:15

How would I feel? Well, I'd feel divorced because I wouldn't have forgiven him cheating with 'younger women'. As it is, he's not a bit of a mansplainer, he's a lot of a dicksmack. He seems to enjoy belittling you and making you feel bad about yourself. I don't have time for people like that, much less serial cheaters.

aftertheevent Fri 03-Nov-17 20:56:52

I agree it seems he must not respect my feelings. I'm not going to let it bother me but I could feel eyes welling up a bit when he said it.
What a jerk.

GothAndTired Fri 03-Nov-17 20:57:34

He sounds like a twat. Why did you stay with him after the affair? Have the reasons that kept you with him stayed true?

wasMissD Fri 03-Nov-17 20:59:22

My ex boyfriend did stuff like this- was his way of controlling the relationship by making me feel 2 foot tall.
Thank god I'm not with that nobber anymore.
Fight your corner girl wink

Annoyed5678 Fri 03-Nov-17 21:01:17

Sounds like he's the one that's not worthy of being with you, if he valued you he would be greatful everyday you gave him another chance.

aftertheevent Fri 03-Nov-17 21:03:11

Stayed because of kids which was wrong but TBH it made me ill and I've only recently began to feel ok.
Kids have now left and are happily settled.
He was not remorseful but blamed me as per the script. Awful.
He was trying to be nice as I've now got a really good job.

wasMissD Fri 03-Nov-17 21:04:48

Could he possibly trying to lower your confidence because the new job is ruining his man balance in your marriage? Maybe it's hit his ego?

aftertheevent Fri 03-Nov-17 21:09:48

I think so. But there's no excuse for being so bloody low. His attitude to women bugs me as well. last night watching tv I said about a certain character She's nice. Meaning her character and he grimaced and said nah. Obviously he thought I was asking him if he fancied her. She was about 23.
No no no.
He is 52 FFS and portly!!!

aftertheevent Fri 03-Nov-17 21:12:09

Also while I'm ranting he just doesn't get that a man calling you darling in the workplace isn't right.
He said but the woman does who gives him coffee so she's abusive too.
FFS

HeddaGarbled Fri 03-Nov-17 21:25:55

I'd feel like he was deliberately trying to hurt me and knew exactly how to do it most effectively.

You don't really like him much, do you? I don't blame you. I don't like him much either and I haven't had to live with the nasty, unfaithful, misogynist for all those years.

expatinscotland Fri 03-Nov-17 21:29:10

I'd see a solicitor.

BlueA4Paper Fri 03-Nov-17 21:33:09

Thing is, when men are total dicks and say disrespectful shit they are telling you who they are. It's stupidly easy to ignore it, but we shouldn't.

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