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Confused and sad

(12 Posts)
RubyRed12 Fri 03-Nov-17 18:58:07

I've been married for just over 18yrs and have a DD aged 13. The relationship with me and DH is at an all time low and I find myself feeling more and more lonely and sad everyday.
We seem to spend more time not talking than we do talking nowadays. We dont communicate at all. When he come's home from work he usually says hello DD and then goes up to change out of his work clothes, very rarely will he speak to me even if i am in the room. Hr does not eat dinner with us, DD and i eat dinner at 6.30pm and he will eat around 8pm. At night we can both be awake buy neither of us will talk to each other. Over the years our arguing has got worse, the arguments always end with him telling me what my problem is and that i cause them and its all my fault, he never takes any responsìbiliy for how we have became. I have threatened him with divorce but he tells me that i am leaving him in a financial mess that i agreed to help pay. Everyday i feel upset and hate my life my DD sees me upset and i hate that she hears the arguments and has to sit through the non talking weeks / months.
Any help or advice would be great.

PNGirl Fri 03-Nov-17 19:02:10

You either need to go to marriage counselling or split up. You can't carry on this way.

Worriedrose Fri 03-Nov-17 19:10:12

Your poor child
What a view of life she has

FlyingSoloFlyingFree Fri 03-Nov-17 19:17:25

I feel for you as I was in a similar situation with a similar age DD. As you can probably tell from my user name I’m not any more.

I won’t lie, being single again is scary, sad and can be really tough. I’ve probably cried more in the past year than in all my other 43 put together. But it’s also exciting, challenging, freeing and you learn so much about yourself.

I know my DD is happier now and her relationship with both me and her dad is stronger - she hated the way things were before. And I will be happier too once I’ve got my head round it all. I know I’ve made the right decision but I had to do it when I was ready and it was a long time coming. Sounds like your time could be coming soon too.

QuiteLikely5 Fri 03-Nov-17 19:21:57

What financial mess? Can you expand on that a little

This is no marriage you both sound utterly miserable- you really are wasting your precious life here

RubyRed12 Fri 03-Nov-17 19:59:41

QuiteLikely5 the financial mess would be the mortgage we have on 2 properties and a large loan we took out to do some building work to the house a couple of years ago.

RubyRed12 Fri 03-Nov-17 20:02:32

I would like to see a marriage counsellor but i dont think he will go. He does not like talking to anyone about the situation at home

RubyRed12 Fri 03-Nov-17 20:07:16

Im scared to leave, i wish i had the strength to see that i can make it on my own. I suffer with anxiety and at times it has left me in a very low place and that scares me.
I think deep down i want the relationship to work but i want him ti show me he wants it to work too, the arguments are over the silliest if things and it always ends with him shouting and pointing a finger at me.

Worriedrose Fri 03-Nov-17 21:45:02

You can't make someone want something that you want
You can carry on burying your head in the sand and being ok day to day and every now and again it blowing up.
I guess if that's enough for you, then stick with it. Many do. Many are fine with it

MoodyMumOfOne Fri 03-Nov-17 23:22:38

Why don't you try counselling, relate see people on their own if partner won't engage. It help to sort the jumble of feelings you must have right now and enable you to reach some decisions for the future. Be strong. flowers

coolaschmoola Fri 03-Nov-17 23:27:49

Perhaps your anxiety and belief that you can't do it alone stems from living with a person who puts the blame on you for everything...

Bibbidee Sun 05-Nov-17 12:28:46

Aha! You are both 'Stonewalling'. Sorry OP, unless you turn this around, it looks dead in the water.

Read the link, watch the vid:

https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/

Then maybe read some of John Gottmans books?

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/s/ref=nbsbb_ssii_0_7?k=john+gottman&sprefix=john+go&crid=2KOWQYBTGXLHP

Thing is, once your DH decides 'that's it' it'll be too late.

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