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What's your work/home relationship boundaries?

(10 Posts)
idpreferanegroni Fri 03-Nov-17 18:16:33

I'm asking as I have a job which is set hours and though I can respond out of these, it's up to me when. I acknowledge this seems unusual these days. But even so I've always tried to seperate work from my relationship, I don't do work emails on holiday for instance.
But my dp........ He's in a different job which places alot more demands on him. And he always feels panic to respond. He's sort of vaguely on call until 10pm every night (but it's not official) even though he may only be contacted and required to respond once a week.
It's just even if we're going through a bad patch and having a 'get together' meal or speaking about something emotional, I have real issues with him just getting up during it. I give him my full attention. And I feel that he prioritises his work. Which then snowballs everything.
Am I being sensitive? Or over ambitious to expect my partner to focus on us two nights a week post 8pm? Is this just how things are now? Should I get real? Oh to be in the 70s, obviously minus the sexism, racism etc

ClaryFray Fri 03-Nov-17 18:19:41

There are times that we have to deal with adult problems, and we don't want to, but imo if that's happening often then he's making the choice to be responding.

He needs to put you first especially during those emotional conversations. Hugs op men married to their jobs aren't fun.

PNGirl Fri 03-Nov-17 18:24:50

In my experience the only thing that changes this attitude is a new job. He's set a precedent in this one now as to when he will respond. It is really hard but you have to bring it up over and over if you want things to change.

nightshade Fri 03-Nov-17 18:25:36

I don't deal with work stuff at all when I'm off..ever....I wOrkney part time. .

idpreferanegroni Fri 03-Nov-17 18:31:23

Thanks for responses. His stance is that I'm old fashioned with regards to the modern workplace demands. So I wanted to get the general view. My view is a strong work/home divide but his is not and it's causing issues.

PNGirl Fri 03-Nov-17 18:32:41

I don't have access to work email from home btw so I leave at half 5 and forget it all.

YoloSwaggins Fri 03-Nov-17 18:38:31

His stance is that I'm old fashioned with regards to the modern workplace demands. So I wanted to get the general view. My view is a strong work/home divide but his is not and it's causing issues.

IMO it depends on the company, industry and person. Some people get very tied into jobs, feel they have to respond to clients, etc. My company is very balanced and everyone is straight out the door at 4:30-5:30 but then there are still people who work till 10 sending clients emails, even when they have young kids at home.

I don't think you're old fashioned at all, I share your view. Ariana Huffington in her book goes on about modern society's compulsion to overwork, undersleep and always be "on call" and how actually it's not really doing anyone any good. A lot of companies are moving away from that overtime culture.

nightshade Fri 03-Nov-17 18:43:40

See if he will commit to even one evening a Week or a fortnight ...ask him to get a colleague to cover ...mark it on the calendar and do something..

Winebottle Fri 03-Nov-17 20:38:51

I agree with Yolo but I'd also add it depends on the money. If you work long hours and are on call all the time, that should be reflected in your pay packet.

I don't answer my phone at home because nobody does at my work but it isn't a deeply held principle. I would do it for the right price.

CMOTDibbler Fri 03-Nov-17 20:54:32

DH and I both have jobs where we are expected to be available out of hours. It's particularly routine for me as my boss is in the US and HQ is on the West coast.
But if we are out to dinner or doing something, phones are on silent and not checked. If we were having a serious conversation, I'd ignore my phone unless I was particularly expecting a call - sometimes I am backup for a big meeting and need to be available in a particular timeslot if needed.
So, I think you are both being unreasonable - he's not making smart choices, you need to accept that being available out of hours is now a real expectation

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