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I don't want to be in the relationship but I'm not strong enough to walk away

(16 Posts)
Amberhill Fri 03-Nov-17 18:12:44

Can anyone identify? It's stupid isn't it... why can't I just get on with my life ?

Anecdoche Fri 03-Nov-17 20:21:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

loveyoutothemoon Fri 03-Nov-17 22:16:52

List all the things you don't get (but want) from your relationship and think about whether you could get all that with someone else.

What is holding you back, kids?

Amberhill Fri 03-Nov-17 22:17:37

I just don't want to be alone. Really scared of that.

loveyoutothemoon Fri 03-Nov-17 22:30:19

Don't be scared of being alone, do you have family and friends nearby?

I was scared of being alone when I left my DH, (and I had the added worries of effects on the kids) but I'm the most settled I've ever been and never been happier. Which would you rather have a lifetime of unhappiness and being unsure, or a satisfied life feeling at ease?

Amberhill Fri 03-Nov-17 22:31:13

No, and even if I did, it's not the same.

Anecdoche Fri 03-Nov-17 22:34:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dancingqueen345 Fri 03-Nov-17 22:38:09

I feel you, I walked away a month ago and I’m sick to death of being told that I’m lucky because I have friends and family around me (I realise it’s said with good intentions).

F&F don’t cook dinner with you, or binge watch GoT, or cuddle you in bed.

It was my decision but it scares me so bloody much, I’m constantly questioning whether I did the right thing, and if I’m alone in 10 Years how much I’ll regret my decision now.

Sorry, probably not helping!

McBounty Fri 03-Nov-17 23:18:17

I get it.

I'm currently in a marriage I desperately want out of, but I am not strong enough.

Garlicansapphire Fri 03-Nov-17 23:26:52

Oh its really sad to be afraid of being alone. You need to get good at being on your own before you choose to be with someone and give up your independence.

I've been divorced for 10 years and had relationships on and off. But I'm mostly on my own. Whats to fear? If I cant sleep at night I go and get a cup of tea and listen to music, if I feel like it I spend all day in bed watching movies, I eat when I like, go where I like, see my friends, take up new hobbies, make all my own choices. Sometimes I'm lonely - but you know what - it can be just as lonely being unloved in a relationship. Choose for yourself and live the rest of your life as you want it - we only have one life on this earth so why not invest as much as possible in the here and now than wasting it unhappy. Find the strength....

bluemoon79 Fri 03-Nov-17 23:54:38

I'm the same. Yesterday I found some writing I did in 2015 about how unhappy I was, 2 years later still here. Husband tries his best, does loads for us and a lot of people would love to be where I am but I just can't love him anymore. I'm miserable around him. I want to leave too, 2 young children and not a lot of money myself so don't have the guts.

Amberhill Sat 04-Nov-17 10:30:29

I don't believe I would meet anybody else. I'm too old, too ugly and too useless. Its like being in a job you hate but knowing you'd never persuade anybody else to employ you.

Anecdoche Sat 04-Nov-17 10:56:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Amberhill Sat 04-Nov-17 10:58:09

I think being happy when single is very, very difficult.

I feel I shouldn't say that but it's honestly what I think.

Anecdoche Sat 04-Nov-17 11:05:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Annelind Sat 04-Nov-17 11:08:11

I think being with someone who doesn't appreciate you must be very, very difficult.

Happily single for over 30 years, having been married, LTR etc; now have a FWB thing going on so my needs are met. When they aren't - NEXT!

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