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Brothers causing stress

(4 Posts)
Constantworry Thu 02-Nov-17 17:13:55

I have 2 older brothers, who both live at home with my parents. They are both in their thirties. I don't live at home, but am there at the moment.

My brothers don't get on. DB1 is a good person at heart, but has a terrible temper and is very sensitive about his weight. DB2 has always been the troublemaker of the family and can't handle drinking alcohol, but he does so often anyway. They don't get on at all, and have fought physically in the past causing great upset to DM.

They had another fight last night. DB2 was drinking at home and was out for a smoke, when DB1 told him he was a disgrace etc. DB2 started then saying DB1 should be put down and so on. DM was trying to keep the peace and DF started to get involved then. At that point I walked out of the house. I suffer from anxiety and attribute it to growing up in a household with them.

After peace was restored last night, everything seemed ok today. Then DB1 sent DB2 a message, saying he would get him, and didn't care how long it takes. DB2 then started going crazy and shouting and which point I left again. I'm currently sitting in the car. DM rang after a while to say everything is ok and DB1 said he wouldn't do anything while Mum and I were in the house. Which I felt didn't help.

These kind of incidents happen every few months or so. Usually caused by DB2 drinking and DB1 reacting to this. Sometimes it's due to less trivial matters. I'm worried for my mum especially. I've told her to tell them to leave, but she's worried about where they'd go. Especially DB2 as he has some mental health issues, which the alcohol doesn't help.

I'm so upset. I'm afraid that they are going to really hurt each other and even that mum might get in the way when trying to stop them and get hurt too. My anxiety is causing me to imagine all sort of worst-case scenarios.

I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense, or if I'm rambling. I don't even know what I'm looking for really. I suppose some advice, or even some reassurance that this happens on other families too. I'm feeling at such a loss and don't know what to do to hel anybody.

Thanks for reading.

redexpat Thu 02-Nov-17 17:29:15

Oh golly. That is a tough one. Ive no experience and dont really know what to suggest.

How do your parents feel about it all? I think the only way that this will be resolved is by one or both of your brothers moving out. Is that likely to happen?

Are you getting any help for your anxiety?

Constantworry Thu 02-Nov-17 17:38:02

Thanks for your reply.

See my dm keeps a lot of it from my df, so if anything happens when he's not around she won't tell him. He wouldn't be as soft on them, I imagine, except that he knows it would upset dm if he threw them out. I think the same, they are like two children instead of adults. It feels like I'm talking to the wall when I'm saying this to mum however. Although every time she swears she won't put up with it. I've heard it so often now I don't believe her anymore.

No, I'm not getting help for my anxiety. I've said it to my gp before but they have been quite dismissive, so I didn't broach it again.

redexpat Fri 03-Nov-17 08:57:28

I think you should go and get a second opinion from another GP at your surgery. This really sounds like one of those situations that you cant change, only your reaction to them.

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