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I have cheated on my DH

(181 Posts)
AutumnalMelancholyCat Thu 02-Nov-17 16:07:11

I want to be as quick and non identifying as possible, but it's hard. Need to get facts down, I just want someone to know.
My DH and I are both late 20s, and got married earlier this year. We lived apart before marriage, so I moved into his rented house in a different city, and country - technically! I am still working from home for my old company which is great money wise, but meant that I was also keen to reach out and find some friends in the area.
Oh, I'm also a recovering alcoholic so go to AA meetings. Anyway I used the app Bumble, but only the friend option, and met some lovely woman in the area. My DH is not into me going out loads, and thinks we should do way more as a couple. He is also very serious about his religion.

Anyway, out of interest I went onto the dating section and was blown away by the attention from guys (loser that I am). Especially one guy. We met up and snogged, I didn't say I was married. Then we had sex and I din't tell him I was married. Then the guilt got too much and I told him. I fancy him so damn much, and compartmentalise totally when I'm with him or DH. He agreed to keep seeing me after finding out - same age as me, very different ideas about life.

So. I sometimes lie and get away from my husband and fuck another man, after less than a year of marriage. Oh, and we just bought a house.

I am awful I know that, but I feel so numb to it. I feel very lost.

SparklyMagpie Thu 02-Nov-17 16:11:46

Leave your husband

justforthisthread101 Thu 02-Nov-17 16:13:06

Leave your husband

MeriReu Thu 02-Nov-17 16:13:19

Leave your husband he deserves better than you.

VodkaRevelation Thu 02-Nov-17 16:16:03

Yes. You should leave your husband. People who are happily married and actually love the person they're married to just don't cheat on them. They couldn't.

eggsandwich Thu 02-Nov-17 16:16:49

Leave your husband as you clearly don’t love him.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 02-Nov-17 16:17:30

Leave your husband.
He sounds a bit controlling anyway.
And you don't love him if you can do this to him.
Let him go and then get out there and find yourself.

letsdolunch321 Thu 02-Nov-17 16:17:49

You need to find a man who teeats you incredibly badly as you DON'T deserve your husband who you are treating like a doormat !!!!

AutumnalMelancholyCat Thu 02-Nov-17 16:17:58

I'm sure he does. Leaving would be exceedingly difficult

TheNaze73 Thu 02-Nov-17 16:18:00

Always choose the one you’d have an affair with. If you were happy, you wouldn’t have even looked.

MargoLovebutter Thu 02-Nov-17 16:18:12

You need to get some therapy and you need to tell your husband what you've been doing. It is then his choice whether he stays or goes.

PerfectlyDone Thu 02-Nov-17 16:19:09

Leave your husband.

Stop seeing the OM.

Get decent psychological therapy to address your issues.
IMO this is beyond a self-help group like AA, good as they are.

Fluffysparks Thu 02-Nov-17 16:19:37

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Gazelda Thu 02-Nov-17 16:21:59

What do you think you should do?

AutumnalMelancholyCat Thu 02-Nov-17 16:22:35

I am loving towards him. I suppose I wondered if anyone else had ever done the same. I don't know. I just wanted to write it down, apologies

Littlechocola Thu 02-Nov-17 16:23:10


AutumnalMelancholyCat Thu 02-Nov-17 16:25:00

AS is really good, but no it's not quite right for this. Wish it was fake.
I want the om so much, I'm infatuated by him basically. And my husband is a bit controlling which does not help - he really doesn't like me socialising loads. Although I'm going away this weekend to be fair! I make excuses

AutumnalMelancholyCat Thu 02-Nov-17 16:25:34

If the biscuit is for a troll, again - I WISH

SchnitzelVonKrumm Thu 02-Nov-17 16:25:34

Why did you marry him if you don’t love him?

PerfectlyDone Thu 02-Nov-17 16:27:01

Where do you see this going then?

Can you see happiness and fulfilment for any of the 3 protagonists here??
Think this through, woman.
You are an adult and should know that actions have consequences.

AutumnalMelancholyCat Thu 02-Nov-17 16:27:32

I couldn't not? I think we met very young then I struggled with alcoholism until early 20s. I felt I'd wasted my life already and he was safe, steady, loving, handsome, secure blah blah. And church expectation doesn't help (don't expect people to understand that.)

PerfectlyDone Thu 02-Nov-17 16:29:12

Well, you cannot go back in time and make different choices.
You can only consider your choices going forward.

What is it YOU want to happen??

AutumnalMelancholyCat Thu 02-Nov-17 16:29:18

I'm definitely acting like a child - going to see the om, enjoying him, getting high with him, then back home to dutiful wife cooking and washing while h is at work. Thinking this will continue as is. I'm not seeing myself as a woman

PerfectlyDone Thu 02-Nov-17 16:29:55

You need serious therapeutic work.

See your GP and seek a referral.

AutumnalMelancholyCat Thu 02-Nov-17 16:30:40

When I'm high, I want to leave h. So that's not a sound judgement. He's a good husband, I wanted kids and a life with him. I was so happy on our wedding day.

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