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Is this normal within a relationship?

(132 Posts)
Lacura Thu 02-Nov-17 14:29:37

Hi everyone.
My partner of 13 years has booked a holiday with his 20 year old daughter. A week away in January to somewhere in Europe. He said he might do this and also said I wasn't invited because I wouldn't enjoy it. I found an email this morning, they booked it yesterday. He hasn't told me yet.
Me and his daughter haven't always seen eye to eye, in fact for the first seven or eight years of our relationship I wasn't allowed anywhere near her because her mother wouldn't hear of it.
Is it normal, to take your 20 year old daughter abroad for a week without your partner?
Also what is concerning me is that I'm due to have a small operation within the next couple of months, he's clearly not taken that into account at all.
I feel so upset, not sure if I've a right to be upset, that's why I'm posting.

Annoyed5678 Thu 02-Nov-17 14:32:09

Why are you questioning if its normal? I'm 43 and have been abroad with my mother. Your partner is allowed to spend time with his daughter, this seems a very odd reaction to me

Myheartbelongsto Thu 02-Nov-17 14:34:55

Yes very normal.

TwitterQueen1 Thu 02-Nov-17 14:37:11

I agree with Annoyed. Is there any reason why your partner should not enjoy a holiday with his daughter?

Also, "due to have a small op within the next few months...." could be anytime between now and Kingdom Come. If you are given a date that does clash with the holiday you can always ask for it to be moved.

NewLevelsOfTiredness Thu 02-Nov-17 14:44:09

It's normal for him and his daughter to have a holiday together.

It's weird to book it (or any type of holiday) without telling your partner of 13 years though, in my opinion.

Lacura Thu 02-Nov-17 14:45:24

I'm just sad that I'm not invited, and that he drops everything to dance to his daughter's tune but wouldn't ever do the same for me.

Santawontbelong Thu 02-Nov-17 14:45:59

Not weird to holiday with a dc but not normal to specifically not invite you because he says you won't enjoy it!! Sounds like ex is still pulling his strings. And I wouldn't be happy about that.

GetYourRosariesOffMyOvaries Thu 02-Nov-17 14:46:30

Normally with a thread title like this, I'm all ready to say "NO" but I'm this case it's absolutely normal!

God I can't stand women who are jealous of their partners having a normal relationship with their children from previous marriages. This type of thing gives step parents a bad name imo

Ragwort Thu 02-Nov-17 14:49:01

I can understand your concern at your DP not telling you before he booked the holiday, but why are you 'sad that you are not invited' when you clearly don't get on with the daughter. confused

I frequently holiday with my mother - without my father or husband, but we do have the courtesy to tell our partners our plans.

Why not arrange your own holiday with a family member or friend?

IshipTomHardysohard Thu 02-Nov-17 14:49:46

It’s normal, and it’s actually nice to see a father doing something like this for his daughter.

You do sound jealous tbh

Annoyed5678 Thu 02-Nov-17 14:50:34

I can see why he didn't want to tell you OP you come across as jealous and bitter that he thinks more of his child than you. This is common with most people to be honest they will always value the needs and love for a child above any partner

Bluntness100 Thu 02-Nov-17 14:51:49

Well clearly it’s normal to holiday with your kid. It’s not normal to not tell your partner, but I strongly suspect you are envious. Your comment on dancing to his daughters tune is deeply unpleasant. I’m guessing there is a good reason he hasn’t told you. He’s expecting uou to kick off in some unpleasant way.

I suspect he’s right.

Butterymuffin Thu 02-Nov-17 14:53:22

MN is not representative on topics like this. I've never met anyone who goes on holiday with their grown up child but excludes their partner from going, as opposed to the partner saying from the start they don't want to go. It's not how you should be treating a partner. It's reasonable to expected to be included by default in your partner's holiday plans, unless you specifically agree you're going with other people. That, as pp have said, is fine - but that isn't what's happened here. OP has been deliberately left out.

Lacura Thu 02-Nov-17 14:53:22

His daughter and I do get along now, her teen years were quite difficult, she absolutely hated my guts and made no bones about that all over social media, her and her mother had quite a campaign going against me. But she's grown up now and that's in the past. It's the way it was all arranged behind my back and when I asked if I was invited he said he didn't want me to come because I would be a hindrance. I thought that wasn't very nice, to be honest.

Gemini69 Thu 02-Nov-17 14:54:09

I find the secrecy of Booking the Holiday a bit cringe .. I think him wanting to spend time with his daughter perfectly normal yes.. [frin]

but his behaviour has made you question your Role in his life.. and understandably... you need to ask him to be more open.. thus creating less conflict... flowers

Gemini69 Thu 02-Nov-17 14:55:17

ooops that was supposed to be a cheery grin

Bluntness100 Thu 02-Nov-17 14:55:18

God I can't stand women who are jealous of their partners having a normal relationship with their children from previous marriages

I think most people dislike it also. I know I do. Instead of being big enough person, who thinks of their larrntt, and encourages the relationship they mar it with petty jealousy. Can’t stomach it myself.

Bluntness100 Thu 02-Nov-17 14:56:11


Huh? I meant partner,,confused

Bluntness100 Thu 02-Nov-17 14:57:38

Make up your mind op. Did he say it was because uou wouldn’t enjoy it or because uou were a hindrance? Are you trying to slant it now so the replies are in your favour?

Lacura Thu 02-Nov-17 14:59:16

His first reply was that I wouldn't enjoy it, a few days later if I asked if he'd booked and he said not yet, I asked if I was still not invited and he said no you're not, you would be a hindrance.

Annoyed5678 Thu 02-Nov-17 15:00:41

He said he might do this and also said I wasn't invited because I wouldn't enjoy it. I found an email this morning, they booked it yesterday.

Right so he already told you that he was going to book a holiday, and second you just happened innocently stumble across a e-mail, snooped by any chance because your insecure of his own daughter hmm

Cabininthewoods69 Thu 02-Nov-17 15:00:56

He sounds delightful in the way he told you that you were not invited.
I can really see where your coming from. It wouldnt happen in my world to be honest. However all you can do is suck it up and go on your own holiday somewhere nice and relax.

BoredOnMatLeave Thu 02-Nov-17 15:00:58

I would have been touched if my Dad booked a holiday just the 2 of us. But his ex wife, and I expect his new one, would never allow it. It wouldn't happen now as we are not close at all, I would feel too uncomfortable and our relationship is beyond repair.

I'm not trying to be all "poor me" but just trying to make you see it from his daughter's side.

Bluntness100 Thu 02-Nov-17 15:01:14

Why would he think you’d be a hindrance?

Gemini69 Thu 02-Nov-17 15:02:39

yeah.. hindrance is a strange choice of word OP flowers

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