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Adult sibling envy

(66 Posts)
noshoessus Thu 02-Nov-17 14:08:01

Hi all,

I am looking for some words of advice. My mother is good friends with a man who's business absolutely exploded 15 years ago and he has become a millionaire. He is a devout socialist and instead of hoarding or investing his money, he has been helping out people close to him.

I was living in London and struggling with two young kids on the breadline for 3 years when my partner and I broke up and I came home to Wales to stay with my mum until I worked things out. At this point, we'll call him P, offered up one of his holiday homes for me to stay in. This place is beautiful, it's surrounded by countryside and comes with a bit of land.

Anyway to cut a long story short, he has offered me the house as a gift, it's the most bizarre scenario, obviously I am delighted. My main problem is that my sister, who still lives away and doesn't even know P personally, is reacting with such jealousy that she is absolutely furious with me for accepting. She claims she would never have accepted this (she has no kids and a well paid job and spends her free time travelling the world).

How on earth would you deal with this situation? My mother is feeling so guilty that my sister feels this bad, she is taking her side. I am being ostracised by my whole family. What should I do?

Annoyed5678 Thu 02-Nov-17 14:12:41

Question is what does P want in return? Also what's wrong with standing on your own two feet

Shoxfordian Thu 02-Nov-17 14:21:04

Your sister's feelings are hers to manage not yours

blue25 Thu 02-Nov-17 14:21:26

I'm not sure I could accept this 'gift.' Wouldn't you rather set yourself up in your own flat/house, chosen by you? The house may need expensive repairs, cost a lot to run etc, so I'd be sure to check this out.

Myheartbelongsto Thu 02-Nov-17 14:29:04

I wouldn't accept to be honest.

noshoessus Thu 02-Nov-17 14:31:01

In an ideal world, yes I would like to stand on my own two feet and buy my own place, but that is pretty difficult as a single mother of two in this day and age. He doesn't want anything in return, he is getting older and I think putting things in place to avoid the tax man taking inheritance tax on everything he owns when he dies.

AnaWinter Thu 02-Nov-17 14:34:56

Accept the house. Your sister will get over it.

springydaffs Thu 02-Nov-17 14:52:48

Blimey. I'd definitely bite his hand off accept it.

I see you've had some green-eyed responses on your thread already.

As for sibling envy - imo that never goes away. Your sister is being tiresome, your mother is being weak.

Sorry. I'd still have the house tho

BloodyGordon Thu 02-Nov-17 14:56:46

God! Take it, be grateful and pay it forward where you can. I can understand your sisters jealousy but it is what it is, unfair for her possibly but you'd be a fool not to take the chance of security for your children.

Ohyesiam Thu 02-Nov-17 15:01:21

Got disgusts feelings are not yours to manage.
She really does need to get over this. So she would handle the situation differently? That's not your concern. And given the strength of her response ,I imagine she'd jump at the chance.
What's your relationship with her like generally?
I know it's hard in families, but keep repeating " Not my circus, not my monkeys "

K0729P Thu 02-Nov-17 15:03:17

Your sister is being unreasonable. She shouldn't be taking this out on you and is extremely selfish. You have young children to consider. If she'd been through the same situation as you have, I guarantee she'd have considered it.

That is an extremely generous gift from P, but if he has offered this to you and you are in a tough position at the moment then take it. Offer some money monthly for a year or two if you like to pay something towards the home.

My only concern is that he isn't doing this to try and have a hold on you or your mum. I'd make sure correct transfer of deeds etc takes place so that if anything happened to their friendship, you aren't stuck in a tough position again and everything is ironed out from the get go.

cherrycola2004 Thu 02-Nov-17 15:06:32

Well I think it’s lovely. He obviously wants you and the kids to have the house. Take it and ignore your sister. She’ll get over it. If not, that’s her tough luck!

Annoyed5678 Thu 02-Nov-17 15:06:46


Green eyed monsters? I've got money myself so I am not jealous just someone asks for advice I give it, some people like me like to have pride and work for what they've got and understand in this world you don't get something for nothing

cherrycola2004 Thu 02-Nov-17 15:07:44

I agree with @K0729P about the deeds etc

NotAPuffin Thu 02-Nov-17 15:07:54

Make sure you get advice regarding the tax implications before accepting.

NerrSnerr Thu 02-Nov-17 15:07:54

I’d take it but I know many that wouldn’t. Just because someone doesn’t agree with what someone else does it doesn’t mean they’re jealous!

Gemini69 Thu 02-Nov-17 15:10:57

Accept the House Lady... and congratulations... it's a wonderful kind and generous gesture.. change the locks lol lol flowers

p.s. your Sister will get over it... eventually grin

MagdalenLaundry Thu 02-Nov-17 15:10:59

It's pure jealousy isn't it.
You not accepting will have no impact in her at all other than her feelings which are her issue.
She should have controlled her feelings rather than try to prevent you having such good fortune.
Ignore her and be thankful

littlebird77 Thu 02-Nov-17 15:11:49

Be delighted that because of his kindness you are now set up for life. This so rarely happens in life, enjoy it - accept it and look out for him as he gets older, as he has for you.

Your sister: she will get over it! Send her a card telling her how much you love her (if you do) but this decision is yours to make, and your children's need for a house and security will always be your priority and invite her over for a new home lunch and give her a chance to get over her perceived injustice.

Thank your lucky stars every night kid!

Primaryteach87 Thu 02-Nov-17 15:13:18

Accept the house!! Perhaps it could legally be owned by you and your sister 50:50 but with a lifetime right for you to live there, so if she does have kids they haven’t lost out??
But, accept the house. The people saying don’t accept are clearly baby boomers with a house paid off!

Gemini69 Thu 02-Nov-17 15:14:33

ok... I'm jealous too... Wales is just beautiful... Im up in Scotland and love popping down there.. WONDERFUL stunning Country..... envy flowers

powderbluerose Thu 02-Nov-17 15:15:09

Your sister is full of shit. I’m sure she would accept the offer, she’s just pissed off you’ve been offered it and she hasn’t!!

Gemini69 Thu 02-Nov-17 15:15:36

OP.. if the Shoe were on the other Foot ? what would your Sister do ? and be very honest..... flowers

iggleypiggly Thu 02-Nov-17 15:19:47

What a wonderful kind man. There are too many cynical people out there. I know if I ever came into a windfall I would help as many friends and family as I could. Ignore your sister. Pay the kindness forward whenever you can. What a heartwarming story flowers

noshoessus Thu 02-Nov-17 15:26:50

I do feel extraordinarily fortunate and grateful and I have every intention of paying it forward. This has been a lesson in selflessness and the benefits of giving whenever you can.

It's hard to flip the coin and compare because my sister doesn't have kids to think about, she has certainly been more fortunate than me in life up until this point.

I have told my mum that anything she was going to split between us in her will, she must just leave to my sister. And of course, my doors will always be open to any of my family if they're in need.

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