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Life is so hard.

(10 Posts)
Isthisnamefree Thu 02-Nov-17 11:22:31

How do you all cope?
My current situation is I have been diagnosed with several chronic illnesses which over the last year have turned me from a fully functioning adult to using a wheelchair most days and can't seem to get my shit together to cope with everyday life.
I have 4 DCs 1 with high functioning ASD/ADHD and is showing symptoms of PDA.
He is extremely voilitile and lashes out at the others when things don't happen his way, Im not always quick enough to stop these outbursts because my mobility is bad at the moment.
We have tried everywhere to get some support but it's taking it's time.

My DH is amazing but can only do so much we own our own business and I work when I can from home so he has to pick up the slack and deal with the in shop stuff.

On top of all this none of my family seem to recognize I am ill and struggling to cope, my sister has told me Im not allowed my wheelchair at her wedding therefore I cannot go.
She also has a DS with SEN but every conversation with her goes well that's life deal with It, everyone has there own shit to deal with and you have yours.
In the public eye she makes out she is trying to be supportive but the truth is she hasn't seen my DCs more than once in 4 years so she doesn't know my situation and she doesn't care to learn, she's always got to be right and know better. She muscles in, in public to "help but her attitude and digs are underlying and no one else seems to see them, if anyone tells her she is wrong she will shoot them down and in private every conversation centres around her telling me how I should parent and how it's my own fault my life is shit even though she doesn't see or know how I parent.

My mother is beyond toxic, she literally hates me, any mention of my name she launches into a tiraid of abuse about how she should have aborted me, Im a nasty piece of shit etc etc. (Long history but the main cause of this is because I lied to her once when I was 14 about seeing my boyfriend in secret).
She is my sister's best friend and so in turn my sister's view of me has been tainted that I am useless, have no idea about anything and she is way better than me which is why the above happens I think.

I have no contact with my mother now and my sister has since deleted and blocked me from her life.

I have no other family that I can talk too, they are there in the background but no one really talks to me because they are afraid of upsetting my mother.

I just don't know how to cope.
I struggle to make friends because I can't get out much, even with friends I do have I have to do all the running around which is exhausting.

Why is life so bloody hard?
I know others have it worse by the way but right now Im really struggling to cope and feel completely alone.

WhatWouldGenghisDo Thu 02-Nov-17 11:38:04

Jesus Christ Is, you sound like Superwoman to me! I have 2 kids, part-time work and no health conditions that I'm aware of and I feel completely exhausted most of the time brew

Your family sound absolutely unreasonable. I would suggest minimising contact with them and using any energy you save to seek out more supportive people to spend your time with. Are there any support groups for people with similar health conditions to you who might understand a bit better what you're going through?

hellsbellsmelons Thu 02-Nov-17 11:50:18

Wow - you are honestly doing so so well and you probably don't even realise it.
You have a shit load to deal with and I've no idea how you are doing it, but you are.
You are getting through each day.

Could you look into local groups where others have certain illnesses or disabilities that you could join?
Have a google and look on meetup.com

As for your family.... well they are hardly worth mentioning.
They are truly vile and you are far better off with them gone from your life.
They do nothing but bring you down.
So keep NC.

I have no real advice as I really can't imagine what you must be going through.
Keep battling on for now.
Things will hopefully get better the more you get used to things.

Isthisnamefree Thu 02-Nov-17 12:54:21

Thank you, I feel like a failure at the moment, can't seem to keep brain fog at bay so I forget a lot.
My DCs are great and very helpful but I feel bad I can't run around with them like I could but we are dealing with it.
I've decided to keep my NC with my family, I can't be dealing with the abuse and falseness with it all.

Most of the group's local for disabilities are only provided for certain disabilities such as rheumatoid athritis meet ups, nothing for my illnesses unfortunately.
The local church has a woman's group down the road from me so might give that a go even though Im not religious.

WhatWouldGenghisDo Thu 02-Nov-17 13:05:10

Try everything you can make it to - eventually you will find your people smile

Look after yourself. flowers

Isthisnamefree Thu 02-Nov-17 17:07:58

Going no contact has failed already... I've blocked mother so what does she do?
Get my sister to show her how to get onto DHs profile and sent him a load of abuse about Im a horrible nasty person who she wish she'd never given birth to and how she's annoyed only she can see me for who I am.

Of course she's the only one who sees It, she's nuts.

Must admit DHs response should be ignore and block but Im rather proud he wrote a response telling her if she spent some time with me as an adult she'd see how much I've changed and to stop holding childish grudges.

AuntyElle Fri 03-Nov-17 11:31:28

Isthis what a hell of a lot to be coping with.
With toxic shit like that from your mother and sister, have you been in the Stately Homes thread? And, if relevant, looked at outofthefog.website
Sending flowers

TammyswansonTwo Fri 03-Nov-17 11:43:11

You are not alone. I have several chronic conditions too (endometriosis, ME and fibromyalgia). I have one year old twins, one with a serious health issue himself. I've never had any family support either, although my mum has passed away now and was never as bad as that but she would refuse to be seen in public with me when I needed crutches. Unfortunately this is not uncommon when you're tackling chronic illness. My sister and I are close but I can't ever bring up the illness stuff as she thinks it's all a load of bollocks.

Raising kids with these illnesses has been the hardest thing I've ever done. I struggle to maintain friendships too, it's hard when you're so exhausted and regularly have to cancel. I see people rolling their eyes. It's so hard.

You are doing an amazing job. Your mother is hateful and you're better off without them. Sounds like your DH is supportive, lean on him and forget them x

Isthisnamefree Sat 04-Nov-17 18:31:43

Thank you for the replies I feel a bit more positive today, went out with my step dad (divorced from my mother) and had a couple of drinks, he for the first time seemed to accept Im ill and not faking it even got me a chair so I didnt have to stand at the bar.
Been a long time since we had a proper catch up and it was nice.
Made me realise Im not completely alone.
I've been blocked by both my mother and sister completely now so that should make it easier.

Finally getting somewhere with my DS too and we have a f2f with Cahms next week.

Hopefully this positivity will stick around.

Thinkingofausername1 Sat 04-Nov-17 20:23:18

I can sympathise op. I have chronic illness.
It’s hard to accept sometimes, but I’m trying to feel content with what I have and the family and friends who do care and accept me for who I am.
Put boundaries in with toxic people, including if it’s family, I’ve learnt the hard way and made myself unwell because I’ve got so stressed about these people.
You need to focus on you and your family now. Take each day as it comes. flowers

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