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Mum, Brother, Partner - Money Drama! Venting!

(6 Posts)
GiveMeStrengh Thu 02-Nov-17 10:47:56

Sorry this is a long one!
I don't know what to do about my mum and brother regularly asking me and DP for money - He's lost his head about it and I'm stuck in the middle even though I don't want to keep bailing them out.
Bit of back story - DB was on drugs (been clean for 2+ years) got in debt - DM bailed him out (along with handout from grandparents) but never told DF, for which I was furious. DM has 2 catalogues and 2 credit cards she cannot afford to pay off (I will admit one of them is my fault but have since paid back what I used)
Anyway, DB has moved away living with a friend until he can find his own place and DM 'contributed to' (fully bought!) a motorbike for him to get around/to work etc. She then bought me a new coat that I had wanted, I think to make up for spending on DB but DP thinks it was to use against in future when she needs money.
SO now she wants money to help pay her credit cards as shes off work long term sick so less money coming in. well this is what she told me I get asked for amounts ranging from £50-£250 - I can usually afford it but she never pays back when she says she will. I always get it back just 3 weeks later than expected usually a tenner here and there. Have since found out the money is actually for DB! To pay his rent/bills! I'm fuming that she's lied to me when she knows full well I would never give him a penny (he stole hundreds from me when he was on drugs and I never even got a sorry nevermind the cash back) She's also lied to my dad saying shes lending me money when she's in fact paying me back! So now my dad thinks I owe him and I don't want to tell him the truth as I know it will hurt him that she's lied again to him plus I don't feel it's my place to say anything. DP is livid with my mum and refusing to have anything to do with her and my brother until the mess is cleared up.
I'm sorry I don't really know what I'm asking for really - have told them I will not be lending anymore because I'm not a f***ing bank and dad's still none the wiser and DP wont STFU about my messed up family! I don't want to see my brother on the streets but how do I know he's not using the money for drugs again? And I don't want to see my parents have another major falling out over mummy's boy!

Fishface77 Thu 02-Nov-17 13:53:03

Tell your dad everything.
Stop lending her money.

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 02-Nov-17 14:00:03

Tell your dad.

You need to assert your own boundaries here re your family of origin and be prepared to walk away from them all if necessary. You would not have tolerated this from a friend, they are no different.

I see that you have told your mother and brother that the Bank of GiveMeStrength is now closed permanently. Good. You need to get off that merry go around of such enabling or you'll be paying out for the rest of your days. You need to break your part of this cycle permanently.

Your mother's enabling behaviours did not help her son nor she either; just gave her a false sense of control.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 02-Nov-17 15:30:42

I don't feel it's my place to say anything
WTF????
She is the laying the blame at your door basically
Your poor DDad deserves to know what is going on.
Stop enabling your mum and tell your dad.

Handsfull13 Thu 02-Nov-17 15:35:02

If you don't want to tell your dad out right then I would stop giving any money to your mum. Also don't take a thing from her gift wise just incase. If your dad does bring up that you've stopped paying back your Mum then it is your full right to tell him everything as this shouldn't effect your relationship with him.

picklemepopcorn Thu 02-Nov-17 15:52:15

I think you have to tell your dad. Say that you wanted to keep mum's confidence, but now he is upset with you so you have to come clean. It’s his money she's giving away as well.

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