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DP's Ex harassing me

(56 Posts)
pinkliquorice Thu 02-Nov-17 10:44:49

I’ve been with my DP 7 years, the beginning of our relationship kind of overlapped with the end of his relationship with his Ex who he was seeing for 4 years. It was all a bit difficult at the time but I never met her, she got married and we all moved on. Her and her husband recently broke up and for the past week I have been bombarded with messages about how my DP is a cheat, abusive, creep etc etc most of what she is saying is completely made up and she seems to just be adding stories every time I dismiss what she is saying.
Blocked her on Facebook and Instagram now but have been getting text messages and voicemails (no idea how she got my number)
What do I do? I understand that she’s upset her marriage isn’t working but why is she trying to ruin mine?
I don’t want to be rude but it’s doing my head in.

SingingSands Thu 02-Nov-17 10:47:29

Block her number from your phone. Why does she have your number? Did they have children together?

She sounds as though she’s lashing out. Hopefully you and your DH can manage this together, by presenting a united front. It shouldn’t just be your issue to sort out.

Good luck!

gamerchick Thu 02-Nov-17 10:47:44

You do need to be rude. Tell her to leave you the fuck alone or you’ll be asking the police to have a word about her harassment. Then follow through. Sometimes it’s the only way to get a person to see they’re out of order.

SandyY2K Thu 02-Nov-17 10:49:50

Tell her to leave you alone and stop harassing you, or you'll be forced to seek legal action.

You already know he cheated, so that's old news.

Bluntness100 Thu 02-Nov-17 10:50:56

What kind of stories is she making up?

It’s weird for her to go back so long, when in the midst of a marriage breakdown, has she been saying they have been in touch during the last seven years?

pinkliquorice Thu 02-Nov-17 10:58:23

My DP has messaged a few weeks back to say he was sorry about her marriage (I knew about this) she messaged me about this obviously hoping I didn’t know and would be annoyed. She has said he had also sent mocking and sexual messages to her, which he hadn’t. She’s also saying he was emotionally abusive to her and cheated on her numerous times and that she is trying to warn me and help me get out. She is clearly upset about the break down of her marriage and jealous that we are happy so trying to ruin are relationship making things up that aren’t there.
She and DP do t have children (She had abortion which yes I know is her choice but it destroyed DP) but she has children with her (Ex) husband and I have children with DP.
I have asked her to stop and she is saying she just wants to meet me in person so she can explain about DP properly.

schoolgaterebel Thu 02-Nov-17 11:07:53

'Please stop contacting me, I will not be meeting you. DP and I are happy and our relationship is strong. If you continue to contact me against my wishes I will be contacting the police. I wish you all the best for the future, please move on with your life'

ZestyMaximus Thu 02-Nov-17 11:20:29

What Rebel said.

SingingSands Thu 02-Nov-17 11:22:46

It’s been 7 years! I think you know him better than she does.

Clearly she’s angry and irrational and jealous.

Don’t respond any further, you’re only fuelling her fire. Block!

Angelf1sh Thu 02-Nov-17 11:23:49

I’d just block her on everything and ignore and suggest that DP thinks twice about contacting her again as it’s clearly going to be a trigger, however well intentioned. Or you could say stop messaging me or I’ll contact the police. If your DP has no children with her then you have no need to be polite to her.

EverythingEverywhere1234 Thu 02-Nov-17 11:24:50

hmm why is your DP messaging her at all, if the situation is less than amicable? I think therein lies your problem, and that's the reason she has resurfaced.
That being said, the way she is acting is entirely unreasonable. Message her back and say that she is to stop messaging you, right now, or you will be contacting the police then block her number and continue to block her thereafter should she try and contact you again. If it doesn't stop, contact the police, it is harassment.

pinkliquorice Thu 02-Nov-17 11:27:56

Thank you everyone, DP and I are just concerned about hurting her as she is obviously going through a difficult time at the moment and has had mental health issues in the past. But she is not our responsibility and our relationship and children have to come first.
I have asked her to stop and given the threat of the police, but surely I can’t get the police involved over text messages if she doesn’t stop?

Angelf1sh Thu 02-Nov-17 11:30:13

You can if you’re feeling harassed by her. Equally you can just block her.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 02-Nov-17 11:33:46

Block her on your phone.
Then you won't get any messages or voicemails.
And if it's harassment then of course you can involve the police.
She is not giving a shiny shite about hurting or upsetting you so please stop with the niceness.
Tell her to fuck-off then block.
Job done!

mustbemad17 Thu 02-Nov-17 11:53:22

Just to warn you you can't get the police involved if you continue to respond. You need a clear final message along the lines of 'our relationship is none of your business, please leave myself & DP alone. I will be forced to contact the police otherwise' then do not reply further. Otherwise you are seen as engaging with her.

Her MH & personal issues are not your problem & she has no right to try & ruin your relationship because hers has gone down the crap pipe

SandyY2K Thu 02-Nov-17 12:50:20

Funny how she's only warning you now that her marriage has broken down.

Why did your DH apologise after all this time? Was it out of guilt for cheating on her?

SandyY2K Thu 02-Nov-17 12:52:06

I've just re-read. He said sorry about her marriage breaking down.

MyKingdomForBrie Thu 02-Nov-17 12:55:46

Why the hell did your dp message her. Sorry but what was he hoping to get out of that? He cheated on her with you, presumably it was messy and hurtful, now he’s messaging her, from his happy set up with the OW, at a time when she is vulnerable and will probably feel humiliated that he knows.

I’m not surprised she’s gone a bit off the rails.

Ineedmorelemonpledge Thu 02-Nov-17 12:58:22

Why did your DP contact her to say sorry about her marriage breaking down, especially if they don’t have kids together then why bother getting in touch at all?

It may have been a genuine message from him but as she’s not in a good place at the moment it might have been taken the wrong way?

He left her for you, and maybe now she thinks he’s rubbing her face in it but letting her know that he is aware her relationship failed.

Add that to an insecure and unstable feeling and it’s like lighting touch paper.

Your DP should contact her and tell her to stop all this, not you.

Ineedmorelemonpledge Thu 02-Nov-17 12:59:08

Xpost with Kingdom

pinkliquorice Thu 02-Nov-17 13:19:18

He messaged her out of kindness but I see how it could of been hurtful but still no excuse for the lies she has been making up.
I sent her a final warning an hour ago and mentioned having to take it further if her harassment didn’t stop.
She hasn’t yet been in contact again so hopefully she has got the message.

SandyY2K Thu 02-Nov-17 13:49:31

As they don't have children together, there really is no reason for them to be in contact with each other.

Did he message her out of the blue or is this an ongoing friendship.

the beginning of our relationship kind of overlapped with the end of his relationship

I see how you dressed this up to make it not sound so bad ... rather than just saying he cheated on her and you were the OW?

pinkliquorice Thu 02-Nov-17 14:06:30


There isn’t an ongoing friendship but they had seen each other and been in contact accasionlu of the past few years.
Yes I did dress it up but it was more complicated than that, the end of the relationship was very on off and drawn out and the beginning of our relationship wasn’t serious. It wasn’t just a case of him cheating on her behind her back and me being the other woman.

TheNaze73 Thu 02-Nov-17 14:23:09

Block her, she sounds unhinged

NeedsAsockamnesty Thu 02-Nov-17 16:53:39

Did her marriage break down because she was hooking up with him?

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