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Messed, up and losing my mind

(7 Posts)
chicken66 Thu 02-Nov-17 08:02:32

Hello i'm new to this site but need some advice or something. Last year my first love contacted me via Facebook. Every thing in me was telling to leave it alone and just say hello but please leave me alone. He's married and i'm in a long term relationship. Well it's been a rollercoaster of emotions for 17 months the feelings i had for him all those years ago have somehow come flooding back. We have met twice since the first contact we have kissed but nothing more. The desire to take things further is certainly there but i can't go there as i know it would be a huge mistake. He has flip flopped with contact over this time gone from constant messages with declarations of love etc.Then just nothing and ignoring me. To telling me he loves another? It's so crazy i know. Now he has told me he will contact me if he should want to. Blocked me from social media but still not done so on his phone. I did something really stupid and text him saying i was willing to sleep with him to which he said no. I know i'm acting like a crazy person but i can't help it. I'm drinking to much just to numb the pain. I'm not sleeping or eating. What the hell is wrong with me i'm risking everything for someone who doesn't care? Where di go from here? I feel so lost and broken inside but trying to keep it together on the outside. All the while guilt is eating me up because my partner is lovely and doesn't deserve any of this. Please help me

TashaRomanoff Thu 02-Nov-17 08:21:39

Leave your partner so he can find someone to respect and love him better than you can. You can't say you respect him because you've kissed another man and presumably not told him and you've presumably not told him about the text that you want to sleep with another man. Regardless of it being a 'school girl crush or growing feelings your partner deserves better than you!

hellsbellsmelons Thu 02-Nov-17 09:40:00

This guy is a complete head fuck arsehole.
I've no idea why you are so obsessed.
You already what you are doing is wrong on so many levels.
Your poor DP doesn't deserve this kind of treatment.
Could you find a counsellor to help you understand why this is having such a massive affect on you?
Do you actually love your DP?
Because if you do then you need to get a grip.
If you aren't sure then you need to end it with him and let him find someone who will truly love him.
But you need to understand what is going on with you.

Dozer Thu 02-Nov-17 09:41:42

This didn’t “just happen”: you chose to have an emotional affair and are feeling sorry for yourself because OM isn’t treating you well. Stop cheating on your partner and get a grip.

Dozer Thu 02-Nov-17 09:42:47

And stop putting OM on a pedestal and acting like you’re helpless: he sounds like a twat.

pallasathena Thu 02-Nov-17 09:51:12

And you're not helpless either. You are making choices, you are an adult. Find a bit of dignity and self respect and ask yourself, why are you behaving so appallingly?
I don't understand why some women throw themselves at men like you have low self esteem? If you do, then its time to face your problems.
I've a feeling the Freedom Programme might be a good place to start. You have to find some self regard, some self respect, some confidence in yourself urgently before you do anything else. Take care OP. You can overcome this.

chicken66 Thu 02-Nov-17 11:08:24

Yes i know i've been appalling and a complete idiot. Seeing it in black and white so to speak has made me see i'm am behaving awful. I need to do the right thing here and tell my partner everything. I regret the whole thing and can't believe i have behaved like this. Time stop now and own up to my choices and yes it was my choice. Thank you all for being so blunt. I needed that.

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