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Cafcass ... PSO and ex

(16 Posts)
pullingmyhairout1 Wed 01-Nov-17 17:32:30

Ex has put a PSO in place 2 days before I was due to pick up youngest (7) from his to move into our new home. He did an emergency pso even though he said he wouldn't do this. I am devastated.

She wants to stay there so I am not going to fight it but he is still pressing ahead with a court order, etc.

I am not a flight risk. I have bought a house, have work, friends and my partner where I have moved to but he is being awkward about contact. I cannot afford legal representation.

I feel sick. Gutted.

Cafcass are calling me on 8th. I have nothing to say. I want to curl up under a duvet and hide.

Anyone have any idea what cafcass will ask me. As far as I know there are no safeguarding concerns for either of us.

horrayforharoldlloyd Wed 01-Nov-17 18:13:12

How far away is your new house?

Changedname3456 Wed 01-Nov-17 21:35:42

Not sure I understand why you were seeking to move your youngest when she wants to live at her Dads and was presumably there for some time before? In that situation I think I’d also have sought a PSO and then looked to establish things formally, in Court, as your actions sound to me like you’re not going to come to an out of court arrangement with him.

If she’s your youngest, what’s the situation with your other kids? Are they his as well? If so, why are they not also with you? How far away are you living? Would she have to move schools and away from friends?

Cafcass will take stock of what she wants (although not weighted as much as, say, a teen’s views would be) and the bench or judge will take note of Cafcass’ findings. In my experience, almost to the point where they just rubber stamp it.

Santawontbelong Wed 01-Nov-17 21:41:38

Would just like to plead with you to question everything Cafcass have to say. Don't be quick to give in to dc requests, depending on age obviously.
Ask to read any reports they have done. Re read and query anything your ex has said that you aren't happy with /know to be a lie.
Ime Cafcass were not impartial and did in fact admit on the stand they had lied and based entire case on the heresay /lies of my exh.
Good luck to you indeed op.

Offred Wed 01-Nov-17 21:43:38

We can’t advise you without more info;

- how far have you moved?

- why have you moved?

- what has been the ongoing arrangements re care of the children?

- what did you discuss and agree with ex re your move?

pullingmyhairout1 Thu 02-Nov-17 06:43:03

Did try and answer last night but internet was playing up.

I moved 185 miles for work. I lost my job and working in a niche environment meant moving back to where I met my ex husband and lived for many years previously.

My ex and I divorced two years ago and all of my children resided with me during the separation and after the divorce.

When I lost my job and was offered this one I discussed the impact with my ex husband. He told me categorically he would not oppose it. I suggested contact to him where I did all the leg work with regard to travel. The contact was more than he had when we lived down the road.

Due to timings (job start dates and house buying process) my ex and I agreed to her living with him until everything was in place. This turned out to be approximately 4 weeks.

pullingmyhairout1 Thu 02-Nov-17 06:44:15

My ex and I both have older, almost adult children each.

pullingmyhairout1 Thu 02-Nov-17 08:53:03

@Changedname3456 she decided she wanted to live with him there only after being there two weeks. Prior to that the status quo was that she resided with me permanently, and had done since our divorce. In fact his previous job meant he was away 10 months out of 12 most years and I was parent with care then, so in reality the situation is not what you perceive.

Santawontbelong Thu 02-Nov-17 09:39:21

So he has used powers of persuasion to keep her there do you think? Promise of a new fab life and all she can dream of? Sounds like my exh. You need a solicitor ASAP. Please find the money, borrow, ask a woman's charity for assistance if necessary.

pullingmyhairout1 Thu 02-Nov-17 09:49:54

Basically Santa

I have been on the phone with my family solicitor this morning. He said because we can offer similar lifestyles and the fact she will not have to change schools, etc I might find it hard to fight.

The main concern I have is that I do not want to put my daughter through the court system. It's very stressful.

Santawontbelong Thu 02-Nov-17 10:15:20

Have you actually spoken to your dd about things or are you getting second hand info via exh? It's not putting her through the system if it isn't what she really wants though is it? My exh told my dc I didn't want them that's why he was fighting for them!! Could he have told her similar? If living with him wasn't an option previously why would she be keen now? If something smells of fish it is generally fishy !

pullingmyhairout1 Thu 02-Nov-17 10:25:54

I have spoken to her but when I do he is always in the background so I cannot be sure she isn't being coerced.

I'm sorry if you feel I'm drip feeding. My head is spinning!

Santawontbelong Thu 02-Nov-17 10:29:27

You need to have a meeting with her and cafcass ASAP. This isn't right at all. Or request one at school, he won't be there - you have the right to see her without him .

Offred Thu 02-Nov-17 11:01:28

What a shock!

I’m sorry.

If you think she may be being coerced then you do need court and cafcass.

You should explain to cafcass what you have explained on here and let them speak to her and your ex.

pullingmyhairout1 Thu 02-Nov-17 11:32:22

Thank you.

I feel like I'm going mad at the moment. It's a big shock if I'm honest.

Cafcass meeting is 8th. Ex is being obstructive with contact to me. My Dad is undergoing radiotherapy but lives locally so is going to try and see her next week.

pullingmyhairout1 Tue 07-Nov-17 08:48:36

Cafcass tomorrow. See my daughter for an afternoon Saturday.

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