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anyone want to please lend me some strength!

(34 Posts)
Longwalkoffashortpier Wed 01-Nov-17 16:40:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twinkletowedelephant Wed 01-Nov-17 16:48:06

Have you contacted the housing association? You won't be the first case they have seen and they may be able to advise.

You can do it without him. Your children need you too be strong for them. You deserve better.

I have DC's with ASD and it's hard but you do not want them thinking this behaviour is ok it's not at all.

Do you have any RL friends? If yes make sure your time is filled.

Financially does your son claim DLA? If it mid or high rate you can claim careers allowance - put you details in a benefits finder like entitled2. Things may not be a bleak as you think

If he comes back call police. Just remember you can do this, and next year will be fantastic

picklemepopcorn Wed 01-Nov-17 16:53:43

You will manage without him! It will be better when you are not scared of him all the t8me. Please hang in there, get help from the police, from women's aid, from housing association.

Ring police first to find out what the situation is, and lock the house with the keys in the locks so he can’t come in from outside.

Longwalkoffashortpier Wed 01-Nov-17 16:57:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

picklemepopcorn Wed 01-Nov-17 17:22:52

You could ask his mum to meet you outside, and say you won’t stop if he turns up.

picklemepopcorn Wed 01-Nov-17 17:23:27

Would his mother have the children to help you work?

Longwalkoffashortpier Wed 01-Nov-17 17:28:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Longwalkoffashortpier Wed 01-Nov-17 17:29:12

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Longwalkoffashortpier Wed 01-Nov-17 17:41:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouCantArgueWithStupid Wed 01-Nov-17 17:59:12

As a side not I’d let the kids school know what’s going on so they can be supported at school too

Longwalkoffashortpier Wed 01-Nov-17 19:01:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Longwalkoffashortpier Wed 01-Nov-17 19:28:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ginpasta Wed 01-Nov-17 19:31:01

You can do this & you have to for you and your children. I'd get straight into housing association & get all the info. Also could you speak to your boss - I don't mean go into everything but give them a heads up that you're having a few problems just now & see if they could maybe help in anyway workwise? Things will get better - you just need to try & stay strong......get all the facts & make a plan to sort this out xxx

Desmondo2016 Wed 01-Nov-17 19:37:12

Wow you have been so strong.

Phone and ask for an update from the police.

You are allowed to request a female officer if you wish to disclose more sensitive stuff.

Desmondo2016 Wed 01-Nov-17 19:38:15

Did the police have a means of contacting you? I'm just thinking you really should have been kept better updated and certainly told of his release and the conditions of it. Please phone the police and request an update and highlight the fact you did not get told anything .

jayho Wed 01-Nov-17 20:03:44

The police can take his things to him, call them

Longwalkoffashortpier Wed 01-Nov-17 20:08:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

picklemepopcorn Wed 01-Nov-17 20:49:47

Don’t worry about not telling them everything. It won’t be unusual. Would you feel more comfortable with a specialist officer, or a female? It may be worth telling them that there is more, but you can’t quite disclose yet.

Longwalkoffashortpier Thu 02-Nov-17 17:57:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Annoyed5678 Thu 02-Nov-17 19:02:10

If you in a council property the council always put the tenancy in the woman's name for situations like this that could arise

picklemepopcorn Thu 02-Nov-17 19:07:16

That's wonderful news! Don’t rush to facilitate contact with the children. It may well need to be supervised, due to his awful abusive behaviour. The children need protecting too.

Rescuepuppydaft2 Thu 02-Nov-17 20:40:36

Your ex is a very dangerous man, he could well have killed you in front of your children. He could have killed all of you if you hadn't ran outside to your car, especially if he had gone looking for a lighter! He should absolution not be given unsupervised access to your DC! A good Dad does NOT choke and threaten to kill you in front of his innocent children! Your children will be completely traumatised! They need support and counselling and a judge or social worker to assess the danger he poses to your DC! Please do not give him ANY access!!

That is wonderful that your DC are now getting the extra hours, allowing you to work! You can do this without your dh! You are much stronger than you realise! Much stronger than your ex would like you to think! Please look into the freedom program when you are ready!

Longwalkoffashortpier Thu 02-Nov-17 22:22:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

picklemepopcorn Thu 02-Nov-17 22:25:15

"when I got back he was in a foul mood and obviously drunk, saying how I hate him, I'm cheating on him, I'm a fat ugly slag, I should leave the house as it's his house, he has his brother in law monitoring all my messages and phone calls. All this was in front of our 3 DC, who are 6, 4 and 2. Our eldest was hysterical, trying to reason with him and putting herself in front of me,"

This is dangerous for the children, though. Just because he doesn’t aim it at them doesn’t mean it isn’t damaging them. MASH have a better idea of what is needed, as they will have seen men like h8m before.

picklemepopcorn Thu 02-Nov-17 22:29:09

Perhaps you can minimise it for the children- Daddy's in a really grumpy mood and doesn’t want to get cross in front of you again. He knows how much it upset you all, and wants to get nice and calm. He's having s9me time out. He loves you, but he needs a rest with his mum to help him calm down.

Use what ever phrases your children understand about losing their temper, needing time out, having a consequence etc. Say the police are cross with Daddy and want him to spend some time at his mums house, to have a good think about what he did.

Whatever language your children are familiar with.

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