Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

narc ex????

(6 Posts)
Pixielemons Wed 01-Nov-17 16:25:17

I have remained civil with a pretty horrendous ex. During the relationship (which was quite short) he did a number of awful things, including sleeping in the same bed as his female friend after a night out, walking out 5 minutes before we were going on a double date because he didn't want to watch the film we were watching, told me that it was hard not to compare me to this ex, constantly belittled me for wanting to spend time with him, smashed stuff up in fits of rage when I was in the same room, called me "nuts", "mental" and "sensitive", decided that I couldn't live with other males (although when I asked him to consider my feelings when he flirted with other women he said it was who he was and he wasn't willing to change this hmm ), told me my endearing ditzy nature had suddenly become annoying, when drunk he has squared up to me in the street, told me crying will get me nowhere and I'm a bitch just like every other women, threw me out of the flat with a packed bag at 3am, and so on, and physically hurt me during sex.

I feel his behaviour after the breakup (initiated by him) is pretty alarming. Firstly, he keeps telling me he loves me (obviously not tho), and cares for me and wants to be there for me. He said the fact that he has hurt me so badly has made me realise that he needs therapy, and has booked sessions to deal with his anger and aggression. He keeps mentioning in conversation the he knows I'm heartbroken hmm and that I came out of this worse because I invested more into the relationship than he did. And then he said he can't be sad because he got what he wanted - contact with "one of the most amazing people he's ever met without the pressure of a relationship". He's texting me constantly normal conversation and everything in me feels sick when I see his name flash up.

AIBU to think this arse is a complete narcissist? I hate that other people see him as charming and childlike and as a good person (how I saw him at the beginning) - WIBU to printscreen all the abusive texts, and post them on social media alongside the bruises I sustained?? I feel that's so childish but I hate that he just walks away having everything he wants sad

jeaux90 Wed 01-Nov-17 17:10:22

If he is a narcissist then you have dodged a bullet. If you can go no contact with him then do it. If you have a shared social circle then use the grey rock method.

Don't go there with social media but if close friends ask then you should be open about what has happened but prepare yourself, it's a rare friend that understands the narcissist

Ginpasta Wed 01-Nov-17 19:42:04

Seriously block this person. As prev post said you have dodged a bullet. Move on to someone who will treat you with love & respect.

Jellyheadbang Wed 01-Nov-17 23:51:53

I'm sorry he sounds a complete cunt. I got with someone like him after my marriage ended, I thought he was amazing, everyone did.
Most of our mutual friends are still in awe of him and when one asked about why we split up as soon as I started to tell her she shut me down, it was the equivalent of sticking her fingers in her ears and shouting over me. After that I didn't bother telling anyone except my closest friends and some of them supported me.
Many didn't support me tho as I keep attracting this type of guy, each time they seem to be the real deal then the cracks start to show and there's something amiss.
Now when I complain to friends they're barely interested because they've seen me go through it numerous times!
I'm currently choosing to just be me and the kids as can't bear the idea of getting fooled again!

expat38matt Thu 02-Nov-17 04:29:05

May I ask how old you both are ? I only ask because your post sounded so familiar to a shortish but hugely intense relationship I had when I was about 23 with a 30 year old (that age seemed v mature!) I was a recent grad he was a successful business man with his own place and cash to flash.
I met him at work and wasn’t interested but he pursued and wooed me until I feel deeply quickly in love.
Then he started with what I know understand to be emotional abuse - gaslighting etc
Walking out on me on a night out all of a sudden for some perceived slight, accusing me of things, not allowing me to talk to male colleagues whilst going on holiday with girl friends etc etc
Then he’d dump me and then we’d have this huge emotional reunion over and over and over
I ended up moving to Australia to get away from it in the end as I couldn’t get away from his hold on me. It ends up always wanting to prove to them that you’re a good person and you never will .
It wasn’t til years later that I saw his affect on me and how I was anxious and scared in a new relationship in case I did something wrong.
Weirdly he still sends me the odd jolly email and this was 15 years ago !!

Anyway why do you need to remain civil ? Block him and move on. He’ll play his games with you as long as you’ll allow him to do so.

Lozmatoz Thu 02-Nov-17 05:18:08

DO NOT post in social media. What you’ve described is an abusive man. He continues to abuse you by trying to manipulate you, and emotionally abuse. Ignore him, block him.

If he has hurt you already it is likely that this will continue. A high risk time is when a couple split, it could get worse as he will feel less in control of you. If you want to do something, think about your safety. Report to the police (they don’t actually have to visit him, you can just log it in case it gets worse or you want a restraining order).

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now