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Does my friend fancy my DH?

(36 Posts)
shelle07 Wed 01-Nov-17 16:24:29

This has been driving me nuts. I think my married friend fancies my husband. First it started that she instigated they share lifts to our children's rugby matches, then at Christmas we all had a few wines and she was sat up closed she to him on the couch, virtually on top of him, chatting away sharing private jokes. It wound me up a treat. We walked them home (her and her DH) as it was a nice eve, and when we all said goodby she "accidentally" kissed my DH on the lips. My son saw it and confronted my DH on the walk back.
The final straw was when I saw our mobile phone bills - DH's was unusually more than normal, and on one eve they exchanged 37 texts. As it transpires, the following month he had arranged a surprise birthday party for me and she had been helping him to arrange it, hence the surge in texts.
She used to invite herself round, and in one occasion when DH was watching the football, kept finding excuses to sit with him and join him, and wouldn't leave - even when my DH told her that he didn't want to keep her from catching up with me!
My DH swears there is nothing in it on his part, he sees her only as a friend and wife of his mate, and he has totally backed off. However, whenever I think things have calmed down I find my suspicions rising again. A couple of weeks ago she called by when my DH was working from home and he said he couldn't get rid of her, despite lots of hints. She knew I was at work.
I see her running past our house (she lives at the other side of the village) and driving by a lot. I feel like she's often checking to see who is home.
I possibly wouldn't feel this way if it wasn't for her ignoring me in public of late and avoiding me. Her behaviour is just so weird. Yet when my DH is around she is jovial and upbeat.
Am I being paranoid?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Wed 01-Nov-17 16:32:24

She sounds like a psycho! How does her DH react?

PNGirl Wed 01-Nov-17 16:33:35

Nope, not paranoid. I would confront her.

ijustwannadance Wed 01-Nov-17 16:36:03

Yep he fancies him. Just cut her off. If she knocks he shouldn't even let her in.

ijustwannadance Wed 01-Nov-17 16:36:27

*she

Lily2007 Wed 01-Nov-17 16:40:27

No not being paranoid though I would be a little suspicious of your DH too/affair she wants public though the party does seem a reasonable explanation for texts. The kissing would be what alarms me most.

I would definitely cut contact yourself or at least quiz her.

MiniTheMinx Wed 01-Nov-17 16:41:01

I think you'll need to cut her out altogether, otherwise she will eventually cause huge trouble. You can't win. If your DH doesn't respond favourably to her advances she could lie to cause problems, either way it's a disaster waiting to happen.

BewareOfDragons Wed 01-Nov-17 16:42:14

You don't sound paranoid. You're going to have to call her on it ... or have him be very blunt with her. It's obvious, she's embarrassing herself, and he's not interested.

SandyY2K Wed 01-Nov-17 16:46:47

I'd tell her a story of a woman that suffered terrible humiliation after hitting on her friend's husband...
Who wabt the slightest bit interested. grin

loveablether Wed 01-Nov-17 16:47:08

Think carefully about what you want to say, plan a appropriate time and place to do it and confront her - it does sound like she had develops what appears to be a one sided crush/obsession(?) and possibly thinks that he shares her feelings.

Make sure you and your husband are totally in agreement on this - it’s you two against her (have no doubts that he is on board with you)

He’s your husband - wake her up and (politely) tell her to back the fuck off and stop acting like a slutty teenager trying to steal a boyfriend. You may even get her to Confess that things in her life are a bit crap and she’s just wanting a bit of attention and to feel loved again. Let us know how you get on wink

CompletelyRidiculousIssue Wed 01-Nov-17 16:54:08

What does your DH think you should do?

Fekko Wed 01-Nov-17 17:02:27

Is your DH a friendly popular type? A friend of ours is such a lovely guy that people do gravitate to him and he is very friendly and good company. He adores his wife some good and would never look at another woman though. In fact they both attract people because they are such a lovely pair!

Cricrichan Wed 01-Nov-17 17:05:49

It sounds like she definitely fancies him but your dh isn't doing anything to encourage it. What do you want him to do?

shelle07 Wed 01-Nov-17 17:13:28

Yes my DH is a friendly popular type, who everyday me wants to have a laugh with, and I think he saw no harm as he's friendly with her DH too. But I think loveablether is right, she may be wanting some of what I have with my DH, because things are a bit crap at home.

I keep thinking I'm going nuts, so I'm trying to carry on as if it's all in my head, but If I'm honest with myself I think she uses our friendship as a means to spending time with my DH. He knows how I feel and has given her a wide berth, unless he is with me.

shelle07 Wed 01-Nov-17 17:17:08

By the way, her DH seems oblivious to it all, which is why I think I may be being paranoid.

NightTerrier Wed 01-Nov-17 17:27:39

It sounds like a very awkward situation for you. I'm going through something similar right now and the friend's DH also seems oblivious. I'd love to be able to give you some advice, but can't tbh.

It sounds like your DH is doing all the right things though. It doesn't sound as though she's much of a friend or acting in a very friendly way towards you, what with blanking you in public.

oldlaundbooth Wed 01-Nov-17 17:29:43

Sounds like your DH is enjoying it.

I'd cut her out personally.

Mxyzptlk Wed 01-Nov-17 17:33:46

She's ignoring or blanking you?
Ask why she's doing that or decide she's not your friend any more and ask your DH not to ask her in if she comes round when he's alone.

pigeondujour Wed 01-Nov-17 17:47:28

What suggests her DH is enjoying it?

She sounds like a total embarrassment. Kissing him on the lips in front of your son? Just cringey and awful. It's all round pretty unpleasant behaviour when she's meant to be your friend. I'd be putting a lot of distance there.

shelle07 Wed 01-Nov-17 17:59:37

I've asked her a few times what's up, when she's appeared frosty, and she just says she's having a bad day or it's her time of month.
As I'm writing all of this to you guys it has made it very real. I've made excuses for her for months, but this has made me realise that it is not normal, it's not in my head, and it has to stop!
Thanks for all of the advice 🙂

altiara Wed 01-Nov-17 18:07:58

You could sit her down and say you want to bring up something embarrassing.... then tell her how awkward, uncomfortable etc your DH is around her as he thinks she’s being a bit forward. But obviously as she’s a friend of yours she wouldn’t be doing anything untoward towards your DH. Then finish by saying you both will have to meet at hers/pub or whatever, but not at your house - and say as you don’t want to lose the friendship but you have to take Dh’s concerns seriously as he’s your snuggly love bunny grin ❤️👍🏽
Hopefully she’ll be mortified. Then If she wants to be friends with you she’ll arrange to meet up separately.

ohfourfoxache Wed 01-Nov-17 18:57:54

She isn’t a friend.

Cut her loose, but be careful - she will probably carry on trying to contact dh.

babba2014 Wed 01-Nov-17 19:01:41

The easiest way to stop this is to tell your DH not to open the door for her when he's home.
If you have her and her husband around then if she gets comfy he needs to get up and move.
Sitting around letting her take advantage or him opening the door will allow her to carry on. I think it's obvious what she's going.

sparkleandsunshine Wed 01-Nov-17 19:08:11

Ooo I really feel for you this must be horrible, but I agree with what others have said about keeping a United front with your DH, he shouldn’t even answer the door if she comes round and you’re not there x

Thinkingofausername1 Wed 01-Nov-17 19:38:07

Your dh needs to stop contact. Not answer the door, and you need to spend some time with other friends for a bit!!

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