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Internet dating help!

(26 Posts)
Sarahc8 Wed 01-Nov-17 12:22:26

Hi, I'm just needing peoples opinions about my situation please, Ive been single for a couple of years and thought i would give internet dating a try since i have no social life whatsoever! Anyway, after a couple of dates with no success, I have met someone who I have been chatting to for about 3 months, because of his job,, he works shifts, and my children, we have never actually met, we did arrange to meet, but the morning of said meeting, he messaged at 8am to say he had been sick during the night{?) so he had to cancel, I gave him the benefit of the doubt {stupidly maybe) and we carried on messaging as normal, then, last weekend, he literally went silent, his whatsapp had been deactivated, and so, me being me, I deleted him off my facebook and silently fumed all weekend not knowing why he had disappeared, eventually, sunday pm, his whatsapp suddenly popped up again, and he sent me a message to say he had been on the piss all weekend with his brother...
I told him to get lost etc, but he was insistant he isnt messing me around - theres nothing on his facebook to show hes married or has anything to hide, but something is not sitting right with me,
He is now wanting to meet up next week but im worried he will come up with another excuse, I really like this guy, he has a decent job, he seems real to me, but we only really ever make small talk, he vaguely knows my history, and I know bits of his, but he keeps telling me, certain converstations are better done face to face... am I being stupid trusting him? why, if he was on the piss all weekend with his brother did he diactivate his whatsapp.. he says its to save battery power.. thoughts please.. many thanks x

forumdonkey Wed 01-Nov-17 12:53:32

Imo he's taking the piss and you did the right thing. 3 months of messaging, I'd have given up after 3 weeks, seriously. So much messaging can also lead to an emotional connection that just isn't there when you meet in RL, which is another reason why I would meet sooner rather than later. Actions speak louder than words and there's been no action. Good luck with future dates and the right one won't be hard work

LesisMiserable Wed 01-Nov-17 12:56:33

Give him one more chance then let it go.

Zaphodsotherhead Wed 01-Nov-17 12:57:11

I suspect he's married or otherwise attached. There are plenty of other, nicer and more available, men out there, so I'd say cut your losses and find someone else!

gunsandbanjos Wed 01-Nov-17 13:02:50

That’s a weird excuse for whatsapp being deactivated.
My suspicion would be that he is married.

I am getting married in 4 weeks and met my fiancé online. I’m a big fan of online dating for obvious reasons however I would precede with caution if something doesn’t feel right.
Also don’t put all your eggs in one basket! I did initially, would hit it off with one guy and see how it went. Until I thought, I bet that’s not how guys do it!

gunsandbanjos Wed 01-Nov-17 13:03:55

I suspect he was away with the missus for the weekend and didn’t want to chance a message from you (or someone else) being read.

Sarahc8 Wed 01-Nov-17 13:08:48

bugger, that didnt even cross my mind! im far too trusting!!

Zaphodsotherhead Wed 01-Nov-17 13:25:39

...and there's the fact that - do you REALLY want to be involved with a guy who goes out on the piss ALL WEEKEND? Or would you rather be with a grown up?

Sarahc8 Wed 01-Nov-17 13:28:39

very true, and the fact he doesnt have kids worries me... but he was the one who added me on his facebook, therefore I assumed he has nothing to hide.. but theres no mention of the ex wife on there, even during the time they were married.. why is life so complicated?

gunsandbanjos Wed 01-Nov-17 13:29:37

There are lots of lovely guys online, keep chatting to this guy if you want but go start filling your basket up metaphorically speaking...

gunsandbanjos Wed 01-Nov-17 13:30:14

You can have more than one Facebook profile.

Mrskeats Wed 01-Nov-17 13:32:42

In my experience it’s a good plan to meet up quickly with people you’ve been chatting to to see if there is any spark etc.
Otherwise it’s just months wasted and you are in danger of overinvesting.
In this case he sounds attached to me as well. Move on.

debbs77 Wed 01-Nov-17 13:33:12

My main rule is.....

One strike and you're out.

No messing around. Value yourself more than to be strung along for three months

gunsandbanjos Wed 01-Nov-17 13:35:56

mrskeats that’s a very good point.

I chatted to one guy for about 10 days and we really hit it off, he was perfect on paper and on text. I really disliked him in real life, he had a whiny voice and was really wet.

cakecakecheese Wed 01-Nov-17 13:56:34

To be fair I deactivated my whatsapp on my old phone because the phone was a piece of crap and apps kept killing it.

However I do think you should trust your instincts, he's not even met you yet but already he's being flaky and suspicious, how would he be if you got into a relationship with this guy?

ravenmum Wed 01-Nov-17 14:01:59

I wouldn't text for more than a few days personally, without meeting them. If they can't arrange a meeting after a few days then they are too busy to be looking for a date.

Personally I found it quite useful to chat and set up dates in clusters, so there would be several potantial suitors. That way a) I could compare better! and b) I wasn't at all bothered if one of them stopped chatting or a date didn't work out.

Until you've met them at least once, you shouldn't be expecting anything at all of them really, so there should be no opportunity to get pissed off.

Vitalogy Wed 01-Nov-17 14:11:56

do you REALLY want to be involved with a guy who goes out on the piss ALL WEEKEND? Exactly.
He doesn't sound any good to me. I'd move on. I wouldn't do any more than a couple of weeks chatting before meet up next time. Good luck.

PhoenixMama Wed 01-Nov-17 14:13:12

Look for the Dating thread 124 - ghosting for Halloween grin We’re very helpful. You’re def being played. It’s all just fictional until it happens. You’ve never met this guy - he could be anyone!

TheNaze73 Wed 01-Nov-17 14:30:13

Don’t think he’s married, just juggling several people about until he finds what he wants. I think the day you were due to meet he probably had a better offer.

Move on, you’re worth more than this

Sarahc8 Wed 01-Nov-17 16:12:34

Thank you all so much, I guess I knew deep down I was being played, I just needed my eyes opening! I’ve learned a valuable lesson about being slightly more cautious in the future though! X

Mrskeats Wed 01-Nov-17 18:04:34

That’s good op. Od is a numbers game so you have to keep at it. For every few people you meet that you don’t really click with you will find one that you will.
Good luck

Sarahc8 Wed 01-Nov-17 18:20:01

It’s so depressing though! I’m a genuinely nice person with my head screwed on, most of the time! I just don’t get the opportunity to get out and meet anyone new. The whole online thing is a totally bonkers place but I’ll stick with it for now - thanks so much again x

OpenThePickles Wed 01-Nov-17 19:55:34

I'd bin him off. I met my DP online(been together 7 years now) but it took a while to sift through the liars and the marrieds. You will meet some-one genuine, just give it a bit more time.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks Wed 01-Nov-17 22:15:30

IMHO it's not a good idea to invest too much time and energy (and emotions) on someone you've not met. Swap a few emails to see if you have enough in common to make it worth meeting, then meet ASAP. No adding to FB or weeks of texting as all that does is potentially create a false impression of what they're like, when they only way to really tell is to meet in the flesh. Also not worth bothering about someone who for, whatever reason (and from bitter experience I include working abroad in this) is not able to meet for a 1st date in 3 months. My dating rules are no prolonged chatting - cut the crap and bloody well meet me of piss off.

Trills Wed 01-Nov-17 22:30:17

Don't add people on Facebook when you have not met them.

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