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Dh home tomorrow - about to have the talk, support needed!!

(8 Posts)
Jessie1980 Wed 01-Nov-17 10:26:07

Dh has been away for 4 weeks and due home tomorrow. We haven't spoken in the time he has been away unless it's to arrange a time for him to call the Dc (5+3). Dd 4th birthday is at the weekend and I'm throwing a wee party for her.
I have no idea what he's thinking he is coming home to but he must know we are going to have to talk and are about to separate. Problems have been ongoing since Dc were born with him.being emotionally unavailable/neglectful to them and now becoming just horrible with critising them etc. I can't put up with it anymore.
He isn't one for 'talking' and has.already said that it's up to me.if I want us to split and it isn't fair of him to try and stop me if I'm not happy hmm
So anyway, I'm getting nervous about him arriving home and having to instigate the talk once the kids go to bed tomorrow. Who knows how he will react, obviously I don't want him sleeping in the same bed or even the same house but don't know what I will be faced with....confused

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Wed 01-Nov-17 10:30:21

Wow. So he's putting all the responsibility on you to split? What a shallow, cowardly man. Sounds like he's already checked out of the relationship to be honest. So, you're in control. You decide what happens next. If you don't want him to sleep in the same house, that's totally fine and you can tell him that. How he reacts is up to him, but hope all goes OK.

crumble82 Wed 01-Nov-17 10:33:31

It sounds like ‘the talk’ is just formalising what you both already know so it shouldn’t come as a surprise to him. Good luck though flowers

Jessie1980 Wed 01-Nov-17 10:35:44

Thanks greenfingers, yeah nice to hear he wanted to fight to save our marriage.

Thing is we have a large mortgage on our house and I only work part time so he may refuse to leave, who knows. Guess I'm just starting to worry now that his arrival is getting closer. I'd like to act normal for the kids until after the party obviously but just got to take it as it comes I suppose!!

Jessie1980 Wed 01-Nov-17 10:36:46

That's true crumble, I'm just imagining the worst! Will be glad when Sunday comes!

hellsbellsmelons Wed 01-Nov-17 10:41:30

So he's given you 'control'
Well the illusion of it anyway for now.
I've no idea what you will face either.
Hopefully he means what he says.
So you state what you want to happen.
Have it all written out.
You want him to leave the house.
You want to arrange supervised contact only due to how he treats the DC.
You have looked into maintenance and you want £xxx amount per month to cover mortgage, clothes, bills, activities, etc....
You have in place XXX solicitor to facilitate a legal separation and that he should get one too in anticipation of divorce.
That you will need copies of his wage slips and his pension statements and any savings accounts or other assets he may have that you don't know about. You want full financial disclosure.
I think when you put all that to him you might find that he is not quite so accommodating but I could be very very wrong.
I hope!!!

WitchesHatRim Wed 01-Nov-17 10:44:13

Thing is we have a large mortgage on our house and I only work part time so he may refuse to leave

You do have to be prepared that he may stay until your divorce and finances are done.

He in law has every right to stay until that time.

Jessie1980 Wed 01-Nov-17 11:01:43

Hellsbells thanks for the list, I have most in my head but as you say, it's better to have it all written down.
He isn't going to like me saying anything about limited contact as he already denies any wrong doing to them, says he just wants them to be well mannered...and twists the reality of what I witness making about I picked hin up wrong and didnt hear the whole thing etc...

Witcheshatrim - I did wonder if that was the case, gonna be a happy household if he does stay. Although I've put myself and kids on housing register so at least I've made a step towards getting out.

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