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Could this be the reason we break up?

(19 Posts)
Jojojo2234 Tue 31-Oct-17 16:36:28

I've been seeing him for 2 months now.
Everything started great,he was keen and organising dates etc and he said are we official?.
He lives 40 mins drive from me and neither of us drive.
He has to either borrow a car or get the train for 30 mins and then walk 15 mins to mine from station.
He can only come weeknights as he has his son weekends and we aren't ready to introduce to family.
He starts work at 8 am (gets up at 6) finishes 5 then goes home and heads to mine.
Gets over for half 7/8 and is knackered.
He doesn't seem as enthusiastic anymore.
I'm the first person he has dated who isn't from same city as him.
I'm starting to tell he is getting fed up of the distance.
Do you think this could be the reason it ends?
If he meets someone closer I worry he might choose her.

HellonHeels Tue 31-Oct-17 16:38:10

Do you ever.ever go to his? Surely you should be sharing the travel? You might find you get sick of it too.

Jojojo2234 Tue 31-Oct-17 16:39:40

He still lives with his mum and dad.
He is 30 and I think he is embarrassed.

Ineedmorelemonpledge Tue 31-Oct-17 16:41:53

Gets over for 7/8 and is knackered? 😂😂😂

That’d be my main issue.

Try putting kids, homework and chores in the mix on top of that. He’s just sat on a train isn’t he?

If he’s going off you for that is it a huge loss?

user1493413286 Tue 31-Oct-17 16:45:00

So it’s a 45 minute journey on public transport from his to yours? I say this in the nicest gentlest way possible - if that distance is putting him off then he’s not the person for you. Even if it’s a bit longer with him getting to the station It’s not a long journey to do in the grand scheme of things (people travel further to work on a daily basis) and you should be with someone who wants to see you so much that a journey doesn’t bother them

Jojojo2234 Tue 31-Oct-17 16:49:26

The first 5-6 weeks he would say I don't care as long as I get to see you and spend time with you etc
Now I've noticed it seems like a chore
I always make sure I look nice for him,nice outfit etc ,make up done nice.

HeyRoly Tue 31-Oct-17 16:51:11

It's only been two months and all you can manage together is a knackered weeknight visit? Hardly love's young dream, is it? You don't have to settle for him, you know grin

Jojojo2234 Tue 31-Oct-17 16:57:54

At the minute that's the way the circumstances are.
We obviously go out during the week for meals etc or cinema/pub.
I really like him.
A girl always comments on his Facebook (I've looked and she's from the area he is from)
I'm worried if he starts resenting travelling over Mine that she might seem really appealing.

TheNaze73 Tue 31-Oct-17 16:57:58

I don’t think his really into you. After 2 months or even 2 years, he should at least be giving some indication that he’s into you

Jojojo2234 Tue 31-Oct-17 16:59:33

Up until the last week he was.
Texting /calling all the time.
He said he never normally felt so strong so soon,asked me to become "official"
Spoke about if we ever had kids ..the last week this woman has been commenting on his Facebook a lot and he seems distant with me.

PatriciaHolm Tue 31-Oct-17 17:05:54

With respect OP, are you very young? Is this your first relationship?

You are stressing in detail about what should be, at 8 weeks, a brand new fun relationship, not this much hard work. If it’s hard work now, it’s never going to get any better! Why put yourself through the grief?

Jojojo2234 Tue 31-Oct-17 17:18:45

We are both in 30s
I'm just feeling insecure because he gets to mine and is falling asleep.
He has insomnia to start with so is in a constant tired state.
I just don't want him to dump me because he is fed up of the distance

HellonHeels Tue 31-Oct-17 17:27:28

I'd be inclined to dump him first. He lives with his parents, falls asleep when he visits you, seems to be getting less keen on you and you feel anxious about women commenting on his FB.

You're liiving independently, have a bit of energy and presumably have a lot to offer -I think you could do way better than this!

teaandcakeat8 Tue 31-Oct-17 18:18:26

Agree with above poster - what's so great about him to keep making all the effort?

I think we can sometimes get so determined to 'keep' someone and caught up in the idea of them that we lose sight of who they actually are.

You sound like you could do better.

And yes I think practicalities can be the reason you break up - if so this is mostly just masking bigger issues though.

MyBrilliantDisguise Tue 31-Oct-17 18:21:56

It's not ideal for either of you. If he just turns up and sleeps, what's the point?

The way this relationship would go is for him to go from his parents' home to yours - that would then put him in a separate town to his children, which he clearly doesn't want. I'd let him go and look for someone with fewer ties and a home of his own.

oldlaundbooth Tue 31-Oct-17 18:22:07

'I'm just feeling insecure because he gets to mine and is falling asleep.'

Er, yeah, find someone else.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks Tue 31-Oct-17 20:45:15

Logistically it sounds like a problem and maybe he's starting to realise this, hense not being so keen. Does he stay the night at yours or does he have to get the train back the same evening?

LesisMiserable Tue 31-Oct-17 20:50:19

I feel for the guy he must be shattered.

AcrossthePond55 Tue 31-Oct-17 21:15:18

Sounds the normal progression of a 'semi-long distance' relationship. At first it's all new and exciting and the travel is 'no big deal'. But eventually it catches up with you (him) and the 'exciting' wears off. Next thing you know, all that travel becomes a 'chore'.

Right now the two of you have lives that don't match. He's tired from the travel on weekdays, can't do weekends when he has his child, and you can't go to his because it's his parents house and he feels 'odd'. I think I'd call it 'quits'. It's nobody's fault. It just is the way it is.

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